Comments on: There’s only NOW!

By: Andy

Andy — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:08:03 +0000

I understand what you’re saying but, for most of the 20 odd years we’ve been together, it hasn’t been like this. And, for the last few years I have controlled all the finances but letting my guard slip one day was the ‘once too often’ for me. And now there’s no one to stop him. However, the light may, finally, be dawning. We’ll see.
Thanks for the rooting – much appreciated.

By: Cecilieaux

Cecilieaux — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:36:59 +0000

I obviously don’t know either of you, but what you described sounds as him perpetrating abuse (knowingly or not) on you, and you presenting yourself as a doormat. Tell him there are banks, there’s the dole and if that fails there are crates somewhere to live in. It sounds harsh but he has to learn that he can’t keep demanding you aid and abet his utter irresponsibility at your monetary and emotional expense. And you need to hear yourself respect yourself. Good luck, will keep fingers crossed — and please meet in public places to discuss this. Let folks know how this goes — here or by e-mail. We’re rooting for you!

By: Andy

Andy — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:14:50 +0000

Well, if not exactly abuse then using. I’ve never thought of it that way either. But I can see how it could be classed as a form of abuse. Not in a violent sense, fo course, and not in any way does it come close to your ‘experiences’ so I can see why you would be both dazed and confused!

By: Gail

Gail — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 13:35:51 +0000

WOw-
I never thought of any of your experiences shared as abusive. Did I miss something? Huh.

Love Gail
dazed and confused across the pond

By: Andy

Andy — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:16:47 +0000

Hi Cecilieaux,

Yes, I suppose it is a form of abuse. The real problem is that he doesn’t see what he does. He just doesn’t ‘get it’. And, therefore, it’s my fault that I have continued to let it happen over all these years.

Hi Gail,

Thanks for the comment.
I’ll have a go at re-writing the comment – if I can even remember what I wrote!

By: Gail

Gail — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 01:53:07 +0000

Hi Andy-
Ya, doing it alone is difficult. I know. I did it with three kids.
I always get warm and fuzzy when I read about how even though it is over it is still connected -with you and with ‘V’.
I would purposely fall short just to see if he would say “yes”. Not that I am suggesting this is true of you. k?

And Andy – your comment on my blog disappeared. I was SO happy to have you visit and comment I did something that made it go away. Please re-write it, puh-lease!!

Love from across the pond

Gail
peace….

By: Cecilieaux

Cecilieaux — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:22:33 +0000

Dump him/her (not clear on genders of V or Andy, but that’s a whole other story). This is not love. This is abuse, enabling, sadomasochism (you’re the M, if you have any doubt). I feel for you. But let him/her go.