Comments on: A striking moment of clarity

By: Andy

Andy — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:49:10 +0000

Yes, I think we’ve spoken about our love of Milan before (on one of our blogs).
Maybe I should go sometime. A friend here hails from SF and, in fact, is there with her husband until the end of July. She did offer but I’ve been a little busy………

By: Man of Roma

Man of Roma — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:02:08 +0000

Well, if you have never been to SF you cannot tell. I would have *never* gone there if not for visiting my sweet daughter. But I was stunned by the whole atmosphere. It probably also reminded me of the 68 days of my youth lol.
Well, if you’ve caught this tremendous disease of loving Milan, well, buona fortuna amico (I also like Milan, btw.)

By: Andy

Andy — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:41:21 +0000

We are all humans after all
I know it’s possible since I met my first partner ‘off the scene’ and we were together for 10 years. However, either it is by introduction (which sounds so old-fashioned) or by going to the appropriate bars or clubs since, that way, you can be fairly (but not always) certain.
I love Milan and, right now, am already in a big life adventure! San Francisco, I don’t think, is for me. Amsterdam is nice but the weather is so ‘British’.
I guess I shall just have to bite the bullet and start going to the bars, at least, if I am to stand a chance. I’m sure it will improve my Italian too!

By: Man of Roma

Man of Roma — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:26:07 +0000

“Out of touch of it all.” Ah ah, it is you Brits’ fault at any rate, you die-hard islanders. I understand. Italians are … so different. But we are humans, aren’t we lol.

Well, the percentage of gay people being – they say – 10 % of the rest (it might be higher) doesn’t make that simple to meet someone in any straight place – not simple but yet very possible. Aren’t there areas (rather than clubs) in Milan where gays meet? There are also towns – it is well known – where the percentage of gays is much higher, like San Francisco etc. (Amsterdam?)
I have been very impressed by the extreme beauty of the whole San Francisco bay, not to mention the climate, surely better than Milan’s. And San Francisco has a European flavour. People are really *free* there, in the good, healthy sense of the word, very open-minded, easy-going and cultivated. If I were gay I would live in such places or have at least vacation there. If you have no bonds and are free, why not plunge again into big life adventure?
I know what I’m saying can be … not practical … I’ve always been a dreamer in any case, planning dreams I most of the time was not able to accomplish.

By: Andy

Andy — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:51:09 +0000

That’s OK MoR. I always feel I should comment on your posts more often but…well, you know how it is!
Thanks for the compliment.
And, I appreciate that I should be able to tell the difference (or even spot it in the first place but I wasn’t that good in the UK – here I feel so out of touch with it all. I like to go out and see people but not on my own and don’t really like the gay pubs that much and quite hate the gay clubs. What to do …….?

By: Man of Roma

Man of Roma — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:31:57 +0000

It seems like I comment only when you comment first. Actually, being a bit autistic these days I remember about people only when they pop up.
I also think your posts are getting better and better. This one is very fresh and emotionally sincere.
I had so many imaginary conversations in my life, most of the time for love reasons!

Ã¢â‚¬Å“How the hell do I tell whether theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re gay or not.Ã¢â‚¬Â IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not quite sure you are not able to decipher signs of availability in an Italian man or in any man (Swedish also, why not, since you said you like Sweden). Of course Italians and Brits behave differently, especially the way they relate to one another emotionally is different, but I am sure that if a man has some interest in you that goes beyond mere friendship, you will *feel* it. Such vibes are universal. Nature finds its ways through culture. All you need (all we need alas) is some courage to live life a bit more fully. Go around a lot, see people, don’t stay too much at home.

By: Andy

Andy — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:17:24 +0000

Sorry for the late response but I’ve been away, Ico.
Anyway, no harm in bragging!
For example, no ‘man’ would look you up and down in the UK unless they were interested in you sexually. Here, however, it’s very common, if not normal, straight or gay! So the signals must be different and, right now, far too subtle for me. Shame you’re not an expert – I was thinking next time you were in Milan, you could give me some pointers (without me needing to go to a gay club as I really hate them)
And, anyway, I’m sure you know something, after all, you’re Italian, that’s a huge step closer than me!

By: ico

ico — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:16:21 +0000

The word you are looking for is “checca” (pronounced with Ks), which is the ‘too gay’ thing you mentioned. But well I was probably bragging when I said that i can tell 100%. Of course on many occasions I can, like we all do, but only now that you said you have difficulties I realize that it might be a cultural, local thing more than anythings else. When you come from a different culture so many signs can be confused (what if it is just a local custom? what if he’s meaning something else? etc). Possibly even in different cities in Italy signs can change! Sorry if I sound superficial or stupid trying to pass like an expert when I know nothing. These days I tend to speak before thinking.

By: Andy

Andy — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:50:28 +0000

Thanks, Ico. Yes, discombobulation is a great word
Yes, I know it will pass and, when it has passed, then what? The knowing that the end is coming is, indeed, a sad thing and impossible to prevent. And the impossibleness of prevention makes it even sadder.
Yes, I can, sometimes, spot a gay Italian man – the problem is that, if I spot them then they are ‘too gay’ for me! I want a man not someone who, dressed in women’s clothes, would not look out of place, if you see what I mean. I.e. someone like me or, rather, someone who acts like I think I act. I hope you’re right about it all becoming transparent!

By: le penne altrui

le penne altrui — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 23:37:24 +0000

[…] thing. I was waiting for V to come to his senses and come back begging to be together. / taken from V and A in Milan Ã‚Â» Archivio Blog Ã‚Â» A striking moment of clarity / it was one of the texts Leave a Reply […]