I would have loved to have seen your face when you met them but now I feel a little embarrassed – I wasn’t implying that I was so attractive (*blush*).

F has mentioned La finestra di fronte as being one of his favourites! And we went to see an Almodovar movie a month or two back – another of F’s favourites. It seems you two have something in common

Yes, I see. but I never thought that you hated gay in the first place

It’s very true Andy. Being heterosexual it’s an understatement. You don’t declare it but in fact you do if you say lui instead of lei.

I also agree as far as gay men. Usually they are handsome and sexy The friend I mentioned is nice but his friends are VERY nice. Oh my, you should have seen my face when I met them!!

I’m sure you’d love Le fate ignoranti.
La finestra di fronte, also, it’s a good movie although I don’t like the actor (Raul Bova).
I’ve seen all his movies and -along with Almodovar- he is definitely one of my fav.directors. You see? I really like gay.

OK, I feel the need to respond to this one but in reverse order.

You are right. One does not have to come out at all. However, take yesterday as an example and one conversation I had with a colleague. We were talking about our private lives (not in great detail, just about normal things) but it became difficult for me to continue. I had a choice – stop the conversation or continue but either to lie and say ‘she’ when I meant ‘he’ or to tell my colleague that my partner was a man. I chose the last one because I don’t like to lie. Nor do I consider that I should have to curtail ‘normal’ conversation and not be able to speak about, for example, what ‘we’ did at a weekend.

You don’t have to and yet, you do. If you talk to friends or colleagues you can use ‘he’ and everyone accepts that as perfectly OK. You can use his name and no one would be surprised or shocked or disgusted or anything like that. But every time you use his name or use Lui instead of Lei when talking about him, you are, in fact, declaring to your listeners that you are heterosexual! And yet you are not saying anything about what you ‘get up to’ in the bedroom. But, then neither am I.

With regard to the country – you are, somewhat, right. However, having moved from the UK to Milan, I was more than surprised by how, comparatively, it was like travelling back in time. And here, in Milan, where there are quite a lot of gay people! And, so, you are right, Milan people are not so open minded but, maybe because many gay Italians come here (or to Rome or Venice), there is more acceptance, probably. I add ‘probably’ because, obviously, I haven’t lived anywhere else in Italy so it’s only what I have been told.

But you are both right and wrong about the fact that being lesbian or gay is still taboo in all countries in the same way. Sure, there are closed-minded people everywhere but, in general, in the UK (and, probably, the USA) there are less – or, rather, since many acts of discrimination there are illegal, the closed-minded people keep their thoughts to themselves

I’m sorry about your friend. In my experience, although my family were a real problem, my friends were all fantastic and, to be honest, most of my friends are straight – and I like that a lot.

Ricky – yes but look at all the gay men that now stand a chance (but certainly NOT me)

It was my first time seeing a film by this director. F has more on DVD and I’m sure we shall watch them since he is a big fan too

Ricky… I’m sorry too, not for him but for all the women who would have died to spend a night with him (i.e. Lola)

The coming out is very difficult. A close friend of mine who is gay had troubles both with his “very catholic” family and his friends. He had to move to a big city to feel more free to be who he is.

I don’t think the country makes a big difference though. Being gay or lesbian is still a taboo, it doesn’t matter if one lives in the USA or in Greece. Ozpetek portrayed the South as a “close” society which is partly true BUT I’m not sure that in Milan or Venice people are so open minded.

I don’t really get why people should be interested in sexual lives of their family members, friends and so forth. I don’t really care about it as long as my friend, cousin, colleague is happy. As I don’t care, I don’t quite understand the coming out. I’ve never claimed that “I am heterosexual” because I don’t have to! Why do you HAVE to explain your sexual preferences?
The point is that one does not have to. Even if it’s difficult and sometimes it’s really challeging to deal with all the pressure.

excellent post. I SO appreciate your insight.

Love you
Gail
peace…..