Another draft post. Certainly not finished but I as can’t remember what I was trying to say, I’ll just leave it as it is.
From about November 2014.
Identity is quite a strange thing, isn’t it?
And by that, I mean to say, the way that you identify yourself and the way that you project that identity is strange. Of course, it’s “flexible”, as it depends on the situation you’re in or the way that you feel.
If you were asked to list the things by which you identify yourself and in the order which typically classifies that identity, how would you do? I mean, starting at the beginning, what is the one thing that absolutely, critically, makes you “you”?
You might say, “Engineer” or “Retired” or “Teacher” or something like that. But, in reality, this does not make you “you” since there are many other people who could claim the same thing and, in any case, surely what you “do” is not really that significant.
You might wonder what the hell got me to thinking about this? Well, it was yesterday or the day before, when I was thinking that, actually, I don’t feel very much like a “gay” person and I didn’t want to “be” one. Please don’t misinterpret that. It wasn’t that I suddenly wanted to be “straight”, just that I didn’t want to be pigeon-holed into that category. I didn’t want to feel like I had to “dress up” to that image.
And that got me to thinking that, in fact, in general, I don’t follow that line. Being gay is actually not really me at all. Being gay is just a single aspect of me that means I view men as “sexual” partners rather than women (and, I should add – not all men – in fact, few men – just in case you got the wrong idea!). It doesn’t really explain/determine many other aspects of me.
For example, I like the colour blue. It’s my favourite colour. Many of my clothes have some blue involved. I choose many “blue” things over other things that are not blue. Yet we don’t try to define people by what colour is their favourite colour. And, why not? Because it makes not a jot of difference to us …………….
It’s been a while since I’ve written a comment on your blog and I’m glad I have the chance to read my fav.blog over this weekend!
I LOVE your writing.
Identity… what a BIG and complex word. What a wonderful topic, especially for sociologists
Let me start with saying that being “gay” or “straight” is not enough, as you rightly point out, to define one’s identity. This is just the sexual orientation and we all know that things are more complex than just this dichotomy. There are nuances… thanks God.
So who am I?
There’s more than one thing which defines who I am. It’s hard to pick just one but I like paying attention to the ways in which other people (friends, colleagues) attempt to define my identity. Family is not included because they grasp (hopefully) the full complex picture, plus they are biased.
Yesterday someone was making fun of me and was saying: “she is not only a vegetarian woman but also a feminist!”. I don’t know if I am a “feminist” as such although I have pretty strong beliefs and I am a strong woman…. does this make me a feminist? Don’t know… Vegetarianism is part of my way of life. It goes beyond what I eat and don’t eat. Does this define my identity? Yes, indeed. I am much more than a “vegetarian woman” but compassionate eating and living IS a big, important part of me.
to be continued…
I’m really sorry that I never finished this post and I didn’t get to a point that, I guess, I once had in my head but is now lost.
You’re right, there’s no single thing that gives you your identity. It’s such a complex thing. But people always want to pigeon-hole people into “she’s a vegetarian” or “she’s a feminist”, etc. (In your case, anyway.)
And thank you for the compliment, btw.