Irrational feelings, these, I know.
Just like going to by fresh prosciutto (I might not be understood and look a fool in front of the busy queue), going to a hospital (they might spot something is wrong with me and I might never leave), going to a garage to have the car fixed (they spot me as a fool and stitch me up), etc.
These are, indeed, irrational feelings and, although I know them to be so, it doesn’t stop the feelings and, sometimes, I feel like a deer caught in car headlights – doing nothing would seem to be the correct answer, which, of course, it is not.
And the same is true for the current situation. What if we have nothing in common after all? I mean to say, right now, there is the move, Farmville and so on to keep us ‘occupied’ when we are together. OK, so we both like the cinema and films but you can’t be doing that all the time. He has books but I would say that they’re more ‘coffee table’ books than real books. He loves music whereas I just like it. What shall we talk about? What will we do?
And, right now, we don’t spend all day together. We do different things because we live in different flats and so, for a number of hours during the day we are in our own flat (in his case the new one or the old one) doing things or, in my case, sometimes, doing nothing of any importance.
But what if we HAD to spend all day together? In the same place, in a constricted place. In a flat with only a couple of rooms.
Let’s face it, I am lazy. I will happily lounge around all day (and then be completely unhappy that I have wasted the time). From a list of things to do, I may do one or two.
I’ll do that right after this cup of tea, I say to myself. But, then, I think, I’ll just have another cup of tea and then do that. And then I run out of time and so, from the list, if I’m lucky, I will have done up to two, no more.
How will that ‘fit’ with F who seems to be busy doing things all the time (mainly cleaning and stuff which a) I hate and b) I’m not good at)?
Maybe, I’ve been thinking, it would be right to do as he says, i.e. NOT move in together. But how do I reconcile that with the thing that, to be a ‘complete’ relationship, we should be living together? Am I saying this just because I’m frightened of what he may see and what he may not like?
Right now, of course, being with him is enough – even if we don’t talk or do anything in particular. But later………
And so, sometimes, I get scared.
I have irrational feelings after 13 years so I think it’s normal to be scared at the beginning of a relationship Andy.
If I were you I would try to understand wheter you have things in common or not (besides music, movies and so forth). I’m sure you do given the fact that you love him so much. Perhaps you’ll find out while on holiday without the Internet and movie theatres… just the two of you away from the big city. Holidays are a good test to measure realtionships.
Yes, I know it’s normal. It’s just that it hits me from time to time and it worries me (as I’m sure it does for everyone) a bit.
Well, we have the same outlook on life with regard to things that (to me) seem important.
And, yes, the holiday would be a big test. Well, we have a few ‘breaks’ lined up for the New Year. A wedding in June, the Hay Festival at the end of May and Tuscany (where he has a flat and where his parents live, etc.) sometime – August? Easter? All these things will ‘force’ us together for an extended time and will be ‘interesting’ and, I very much hope, good.
This relation has to grow. You’ll find something you don’t like in F’s behaviour, habits ecc. and F will find something he will not like. But you both can go over them. You know each other since a few months, give time to things and do not worry, you both have to discovered what happened before you met, and in my opinion this is important becasue what happened made what you (both) are now! Things in common will come.
H Andy-
I understand. Although, now and for years I am not afraid of anything with Skipp. We are ‘together’ no matter what.
ANd also, spending all day – every moment with someone is tough in the best of relationships – we all need space even when we are together. You two are magical, – believe that.
Love to you
Gail
peace……
Thanks to all of you for your comments.
I know I should ‘chill out’ about it all and just let things take their course and, normally, I do.
It’s just that sometimes, it kinda hits me and, yes, scares me a little. But I do love him very much and I am pretty sure he feels the same – and then, when I realise that, I feel good again.
And, yes, Pietro, the things that happened before made us who we are today and, even, where we are today. I even wonder, sometimes, if the reason for the 20 years with V (taking nothing away from those 20 years) was to be here, with F, in this moment, right now
Ale and I have been together for 8 years, and I still get scared. Every time meeting is mentioned, I get scared. What if I don’t get along with her so well? What if I say something she takes huge offence at?
But I take it the same way I take all of life – I sail through, see what the damage is afterwards, and assess whether I’ll survive. In the case of Ale, I say things I know may upset her, and every time we come through the other side.
Hi TSM,
Yes, I understand.
If she’s stuck with you for 8 years then I guess your way works!
BTW – Can’t do inline comments on your blog. It keeps coming up with errors. Just thought you should know and, since I’ve moved PC, I haven’t yet moved my contacts to let you know directly.