Uneasy.

adjective (uneasier, uneasiest)
Causing or feeling anxiety; troubled or uncomfortable:

We’re waiting.

I’m waiting.

I’m waiting for a different thing from the thing that we’re waiting for. Neither thing has a defined end although both will end. The end, for us, is not really good. The end for me only, is good.

Both things make me feel uneasy. This waiting. Wanting it to be over. Wishing your time away.

I can’t hurry along either and one, in a way, I don’t want to. Although it will be worse if the waiting is for long. But that’s not expected. The thing I’m waiting for really depends on the thing that we’re waiting for, to some degree.

But it’s an uncertain time. The uncertainty also makes me feel uneasy.

It causes worry although the worry is for no specific reason. But worry is not good either. And, in this case it’s stupid since there is nothing to worry about. As such.

And, of course, one of the things is very sad. Well, it makes me sad. So that’s another reason for unease.

And then, of course, when the waiting is over, there’s the “What do I do?” thing. And, here, I feel somewhat alone. Not lonely, just alone. There’s the element of “What is expected?” which I don’t know and can’t, really, find out easily. Then the “What actual things do I do?” and the “How do I do these things if they need to be done?” All this because I live in a foreign country.

Knowing that these things will end and, therefore, that we all pass to a different place, a different understanding and that these things are not forever, doesn’t really make the waiting any easier, for all the reasons above.

Just so you know why I’m not posting much at the moment.

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