Well, those of you who have been following my ‘adventures’ through 2009 will know that I used online dating websites to find the man of my dreams.
So, obviously, I have a good opinion of them. But there are a couple of pieces of advice I would give.
1. Some are good and some are bad. You will learn which are which but, if you’re serious, use as many as you can find to start with, weeding out the ones that are not good or don’t have the right mix for you later.
2. Don’t part with any money to start with. Just get a feel for the site and the type of people who are there. Once you find the site(s) that have the right feel and the right people, only then consider paying. Don’t worry about emails and stuff until you’re sure the right people frequent the site to begin with.
3. Be very specific about what you want. Specifying, for example, an age range of 20 to 70 is really not what you want, I suspect. I thought that people just above my age would be fine but found that, in reality, I didn’t want anyone that bloody old. Nor, indeed, did I want a ‘kid’ who lacked maturity (and even below about 35 was pushing it – we are talking about men, here).
4. Remember, people will put forward their best side. This is a bit like going to a club or bar but without the loud music or drinking or dancing. You see someone you like, you chat to them for a bit and, then, maybe, you get to see them. Seeing them in the flesh (or ‘second date’) may be a bit of a shock. Be prepared. I have to add that, sometimes, I was amazed at how awful the photos were when compared to the real person, so it’s not always the best photos they put up.
5. Remember that some people are looking for, how shall I say, one night stands. That’s OK if that’s what you want. Just be aware that, maybe, they’re not looking for what you are looking for!
6. Be safe. Be careful about where and who you meet. I wasn’t particularly and one of them could have been a bit hairy but wasn’t in the end. But, then, I’m lucky in that I’m a bloke. Tell someone where you’re going and give them phone numbers or any other information you can about the person you plan to meet.
7. Beware of scams. There are people out there who are just trying to get money. I had one of them and, on looking at the photos again, I could see that it was a model and not a real person. But here is a link to an article from the Guardian that is an interesting read.
But, for me, it was just like going out but easier since you could send a ‘wink’ or a message or an email and, well, if they didn’t respond it was nowhere near as painful as going up to someone in a bar and getting a rebuff.
And F is the result and so it worked out really well for me.
If you are looking and try it out, I hope it works out well for you too.
Hi Andy,
I’ve never used online dating sites but -as a sociologist- I found them very interesting and I would like to analyse some.
Your hints make sense.
Hi Lola,
Thanks. Well, obviously, I can tell you which ones and what they’re like – they would be, mainly, gay ones but some of them are for ‘everyone’. Let me know if you intend to go ahead with the analysis.
grazie, i’ll let you know when I have enough time to focus on this issue.
Not in the near future I think.
Is it common within the gay community to use these sites? Don’t get me wrong, I ask only because a close friend of mine who is gay has used online dating websites and he told me is very common. What do you think?
OK, no problem.
Well, I really don’t know. I’ve never really been on the ‘scene’ nor had that many gay friends. What I can tell you is that for one of the sites it sometimes showed up to 900 people online (not members but members that were actually on the site) in the Milan city area only! That may be a massaged figure but maybe not. For that site, there were plenty of people openly looking for a casual encounter with no strings. It certainly beats hanging round the parks or clubs or bars or bathhouses, so your friend might be right.
I think it’s more common among all groups in the UK and USA than here. My friend, A (Italian), was, quite frankly appalled when I first told him about it. I had to explain that there really was no difference in looking for someone on a site than going to bars and clubs and that you knew about the same in every case by the second date – which was, of course, virtually nothing. Anyway, by the end, since he and Fr were going through a bad patch and, maybe, were splitting up, he thought that, he could try it. they’re still together (sort of§) so it will be ‘on hold’ right now.
wow, 900 people in the Milan area! it’s a lot.
I agree that it’s not as common here as the UK or the US.
Well, that’s what it used to say. Particularly on Friday and Saturday early evening. Of course, it could be the site just upping the numbers but even so, it is a lot. Remember, also, that this particular site was used by bisexuals looking for casual sex – and there an awful lot of them! It really opened my eyes to a different world.
Regarding Italy and Italians – it’s a bit like we have discussed in the past about blogging and people’s ignorance of it and the Internet in general. It’s a strange thing but sometimes I feel that coming here took me back about 15 to 20 years, with regard to people’s awareness and use of the Internet.