It must be just me. Is this true? Is everything I’m told just complete bullshit? Or, if not bullshit, exactly, then not less than exaggeration?
For over 20 years I’ve lived a double life. There was, until more recently, the truth between V & I whereas, the stuff V said ‘in public’ was ‘exaggerated’. Then, more recently, there was the complete bullshit!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. When I am with friends or acquaintances, I can do the “you look lovely!”; I can feign interest in their work, love lives, health, etc. Everyone does that, right? And, unless they know me really, really well, they are unable to detect the real ‘you look lovely’ from the slightly less than true ‘you look lovely’.
V’s sister, for example, could tell, more or less. To most people the difference is undetectable (unless that’s because they choose not to detect it). But it’s not a bad thing on my part, is it?
When it comes to my life, though, I can only really tell the truth. OK, well, that’s not always true, as such. I mean, sometimes, even if things have been a little shitty, I put on a brave face and say that everything’s good. Work, life, health, etc. People don’t really want to hear how ill you are, for example. Very close friends are different, of course. Best Mate always gets the truth.
But, in general, I don’t exaggerate. I would rather say nothing than tell a real lie. If, for example, someone asks me about work, I would say ‘it’s OK’ rather than go through the problems with management or issues with the job, not that there are those problems – at least, not more than normal and at least, not right now.
With V of course, some of the crap he came out with whilst we were together, I lived with and, to some extent, could go along with.
But, with F, I still have to learn. So, he tells all his Italian friends that we met in a pub. I can go along with that. He will never tell his parents. I can go along with that too. It’s OK. As long as too many questions aren’t asked of me, it will be fine.
The other day, though, was strange. We were outside a café with B, his colleague from Paris.
“Tell her how we met”, he says to me.
Puzzled and a little uncomfortable, I reply that we met in a bar. After all, that’s what he tells everyone he knows.
“But”, he continues, “you use the chat”, he states, waiting for confirmation from me. I reply in the affirmative, not really understanding where this is going.
“It’s OK”, he laughs, “she knows the truth”.
So, what was that? A test? A joke?
Still, on Sunday, when I asked about the place in Puglia, I was shocked to get the reply that he hadn’t actually booked it but just checked the availability! Anyway, it might be Umbria, apparently.
I will get used to it. I have, after all, lived with it for so long. But I still don’t understand why people (and, especially him) say these things when they’re not true.
I have ‘warned’ him before that in spite of anything he may say to anyone else, he should always tell me the truth. I hope he heard that.
mmmm this is weird.
I’m not perfect too and I sometimes change the reality of things but I usually”change” it when very important/private things are involved (certainly not vacations!).
Well, I do understand it. Maybe. I did live with V for over 20 years and this type of thing was not uncommon.
There are some things that I can accept like this (in fact, this is one of them) since it hurts no one really. It’s just that this takes getting used to again and I didn’t think anyone else did the same things – well, not quite the same.
As I’ve told him – he can say whatever he wants to as long as he tells me the truth and I think he does (I hope he does). Also, he cannot expect me to lie for him – but I need to explain that to him – unless there’s a really, really good reason and, again, it causes no harm.
Saying that we met in a pub is not really a problem except that I feel uncomfortable about it. Eventually, over the years, for people that knew V well, if they asked me later about something V had said but that didn’t actually happen I would say that it was the way he is. People got used to looking to me for the truth.
But I can’t change F in the same way that he can’t change me. It can work as long as we all know the rules.
HI
I understand secrets known only to the two the secret is about and that together there is a ‘fake version’ for others. Clarity is important though and it is a very slippery slope if used beyond something REALLY private. Like with Skipp and I if people ask us how we met – we talk of the “second time” we met – since the first is loaded with inuendo we choose to not put out there.
Love you
Gail
peace…..
Hi Gail – nice to see you back
There’s always secrets – I don’t kid myself about that. And I have no problem with him telling his friends that we met in a pub. I am happy to go along with it. And, I suppose, he doesn’t yet realise how I am in that, I have a hard time actually saying something that isn’t – I can nod when he says to someone, when they ask how we met, that we met in a bar – and, in the past, in front of his friends, that’s exactly what he does, even if the question is directed at me! This situation was different. But I think he saw it made me uncomfortable. I hope so. We have things to iron out, for sure. But, slowly, slowly.