It was kind of nice, even if I know it means nothing in itself. It doesn’t really help with the confusing signals.

We met up in the shop. He’d forgotten his mobile so I didn’t bring the shoes back because I wasn’t sure I should. He waited in the shop hoping that I would come (but unable to let me know, obviously). We did the shoe thing.

On our way out, he took some photos of his window. He asked if I understood it. His messages are subtle when he does the window and it had taken me a moment – but I got it before he asked and told him so.

We decided to walk through the park. It was very overcast but much, much warmer – and humid. Still, the park seemed almost deserted and it was nice to walk through with him. He chatted with several people on the phone having missed many calls and messages during the day.

He spoke to M (one of his favourite colleagues). He talked about going for an aperitivo with her. He told her that, maybe, his diet would start tomorrow. I laughed.

We got to my street (which is very long) and he suggested we stop off at Polpetta for a beer.

He had got, through the post, the book he had ordered which had not come in time for my birthday.

“It can be our seven-meseversary present”, smiling as he says it.

It’s a book about Bearded Collies. He has already looked through it.

“Turn the page”, he says, repeating this until I get to the page with the ‘right’ pictures.

“There!”, he shouts, stabbing his finger on the picture. “Che carino”, his voice dropping and softening as one does when talking to a baby.

The picture is of a Beardie puppy.

“We can get one”, he says, excitedly.

“Three are too many”, I reply, knowing it to be true.

“Si but when Rufus goes”, he says. I laugh.

We have two beers each and move seats half way through, into the corner and not next to the loud group. He can see the estate agents window. He starts talking about the prices of flats for sale. We talk about the size of my flat; the size of his; that, if I bought mine he would change it this way and that – enlarge the bathroom (his favourite room) by taking some of the kitchen; enlarge the kitchen by getting rid of the corridor; enlarge the lounge by taking some of the bedroom.

He’s back to looking at the window of the estate agents.

He starts to calculate the repayments on a mortgage.

“We would have to have one more room”, he says. He’s talking about us buying a place together. And he continues to talk about it – how big it would have to be, etc.

It’s sweet but not real. Unless what he has said before is not real. And, here, we go back to a previous post. What exactly is the bullshit part – talking to me or talking to friends. R&Al nearly always ask when we are moving in together (well, actually, R, really). F always responds that we won’t. I go along with this and, actually, right now it would be very difficult. Or, rather, less comfortable for both of us. In fact, I do understand his reaction to R. After all it’s every time we see them. And F is a very private person (God knows what he would think about this blog) and so, I can see that he says it so that, sooner or later, R will stop.

But this all just makes me confused. I wonder if he means it but dismiss that. With this relationship I try hard not to build up any hopes, for fear they are dashed and I am left wondering what happened.

But the whole time we are at the bar – the talk about ‘after Rufus’, the ideal flat for us, etc. – it does give me some hope for the future. But it’s hard enough doing the holiday thing right now. Anything else is just too much for my head to get round.

We shall see.

Oh, yes. Whilst we were talking about the dogs earlier and the possibility of getting another puppy, he said he wanted on with the same colour eyes – sort of pale blue/grey/green. I said that this was not so usual. He said that the eyes were what made him fall in love with Dino.

Then I thought, yes and it was my eyes that made you fall for me. After all, as I’ve always said, my eyes are my best feature and he is a sucker for blue eyes.