Apparently, according to A, the only people who eat Mars Bars are women or gay people.
To be honest, when he said it I nearly fell off my chair!
We had texted earlier. I said that it would be fine to go out but I wasn’t going to have any beer and no food. I would just drink wine. I was on a ‘wine diet’. It was a joke but, as with many things, it was lost in translation.
A was in fine form yesterday being more outrageous than normal.
“Dogs are like women”, he says.
“Don’t say that to Fr!”, I cautioned.
But, apparently, he meant that dogs to me were like women to him. I laughed. His view of the world is a strange one.
But the ‘this is what a gay person is like’ thing was a recurring theme during the evening. I forget them all now but they’re not really important in themselves. He likes to have everything pigeonholed. Gays are different to him and, therefore, must be similar to women.
He needs to get out more.
I think he actually said it, more than once, ‘You are like a woman’. Yes, it does irk me a little but he’s A and, for all his faults, I know he has a heart of gold. It’s only his ignorance speaking.
And the fact that he is a stubborn bastard.
I did have a drink in Polpetta with him. Red wine. Pinot Nero. A had some fruit juice (orange, I think) with campari. I had to refrain from pointing out that if someone was looking at us, he would have been gayer than me with that drink.
And he ate. I wasn’t eating but he ate and ate and ate. I did wonder why he wasn’t the size of a house!
I had forgotten my wallet and so we came back to my flat (although I then forgot to give him any money anyway) and I opened a bottle of red wine. And this was when the thing about Mars bars came out. I told him I would blog it as it was, at the same time, outrageous and extremely funny.
And I forget why but we started talking about politics. This is not a good thing and I avoid it like the plague, here. After all, here, they are so right or left and so dogmatic that it is impossible to have any reasoned conversation.
“I’m not ashamed of Berlusconi”, he states. I find it impossible to keep the smile off my lips. He doesn’t like that but it’s either that or starting an argument which will have no end since his views are set and nothing will change it. I do say some things but not nearly enough. Anyway, it’s not my place to criticise his thinking, even if it is closed.
“He came from nothing and is a great entrepreneur”, he says, adding “the right have the right mind”. But, what was noticeable (at least when I thought about it this morning) was that the arguments (as usual when people talk politics) was not really a defence of Berlusconi nor his way of thinking (nor his Bunga Bunga parties) but instead an attack on the left and the magistrates.
“They are rich and live in nice houses (the left)”. I’m sorry but that’s not an argument to say that Buzz is great. Nor does it say that (the left) are not qualified to be speaking for the left.
“The magistrates are out to get him”. That doesn’t mean he has done nothing wrong. Nor does it mean that if he has done something wrong that he, just because he is Prime Minister, should not be held accountable in court. He’s not God however much he and his supporters think he may be.
In the end, I countered, weakly, with the fact that they (politicians) are only interested in what they can get for themselves, their friends and family and don’t care about the likes of us and that they were all corrupt.
“What we should do is exile them all and start again”, I concluded.
I was dissatisfied with my argument but I knew that I should not ‘get involved’ since, as I said before, this was not an argument where reason and logic would play any part. A lot like religion, really. After all, it’s a belief and beliefs have no sway with logic nor reason.
Still, we finished the bottle of wine. Which made me late. However, I think the ‘wine diet’ part is going rather well, don’t you?
However, given that Mars bars (and, in fact, sweet things in general) are, apparently only eaten by gay men and women, I need your help.
This is why I said I would blog about it.
Please let me know if you (being a straight man) or straight men you know (if you are a woman or gay) eat sweet things like Mars bars, chocolate or other such things. A seems to think the answer is no but, being a gay man, he refuses to believe me when I disagree as if, by being gay, it precludes me from knowledge about the world that is not gay or female.
I need to know. He will, in all probability, read this and your comments. Comment immediately ……….. please?
Mars bars, sweets etc: I eat them (in particular chocolates and sweets), and I am sure I am “straight”. Sometimes I really need chocolate, but this does not mean that I would change my mind. That is really funny. It is like who says that people who normally use the left hand are close to the devil…C’mon, it is really stupid. I know of someone that is definetely gay and really hates sweets and Mars bars, drinks beer more than Homer Simpson and rides an Harely Davidson (only few people, in fact, know that he’s gay!).
You are right when you comment about the drink taken by your friend. But the idea of the “REAL MAN” comes following the idea of the man that never has to ask, has the image of a “rude man”, so he does not need chocolate or sweets, things that are for weaks.
I will not comment the politic part of your post, but the connection is really strong with that idea…
p.s. A psycologist would say that we refuses what we normally are, but that we hide…
p.s.2: Tell your friend that sweets, candies, chocolate etc. may help in catching women!
Thanks Pietro. I’m sure you’re straight too.
I love the p.s.2. It made me laugh out loud and S looked over to see why
If I meet A I would recommend him to weight (and better think of) most of his words before speaking with friends (i.e. when he turns to the have-that-drink-and-have-a-lot-of-fun-and stop-thinking-etc-etc-mode) as they are very easily misunderstood, even if the outcomes are brilliant I must admit. All that would make an amazing and ilarious novel, a sort of Mike Gayle ones which I really love.
And what about the orange juice and Campari drink being gayish?
That really is good material for another poll, isn’t it?
ps You should be informed that the only alternative the barman proposed was pineapple juice with prosecco wine
ps2 And you might remember how good A is at following any diet, even if the preferred one is the wine-diet which is his secret to keep in a good shape.
Welcome, A.
Yes, the outcomes are very good
You’re right! Is orange juice and campari more gay than pineapple and prosecco? Hahahahahahaha
Which A are we talking about with the diet? Me or you? Still, I’m not sure that half a bottle of red wine is really a good diet – just one I quite like
p.s. – did you take note of Pietro’s p.s.2. It’s something to think about for Monday, perhaps?
Bar Mars are gay???
I’ve never heard of it. Never!
I’ve never heard of wine diet either though
“Tell your friend that sweets, candies, chocolate etc. may help in catching women!”
Pietro, this is new to me as well. It’s not true! BTW, I hate “rude men”, I prefer men who eat mars bars (or an apple which is BETTER than chocolate, andy!) and love dogs who ARE not like women. They are much better
Noooo! The wine diet is a joke
It doesn’t exist, really!
OK I know that an apple is better but I just had this craving for a mars bar (or two or three) which wouldn’t go away – but I am NOT eating them now.
Yes, F always says that dogs are much better than people
But, tell me Lola, does your partner eat chocolate sweets at all? Particularly mars bars but any other sweet will do.
Pietro – perhaps this is where you’re going wrong? No, no, no – it’s only a joke, Pietro – it’s just the first thing that came into my head – honestly
HI ANDY-
Skipp LOVES Mars bars
One of his favorites. I swear.
Loev you
Gail
peace…….
Hi Gail.
Thanks. And thank Skipp for me too
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Well, I am very straight and I love chocolate. Mars Bars especially. There is nothing better than a Mars Bar dipped in a hot cup of tea so everything inside and outside it melts! I actually eat chocolate every day, because I love it so much. I know it’s bad for me, but if we only ever ate things which are good for us we’d all be on a bread and water diet!
Thanks TSM. Enjoy your daily chocolate
@Lola: I said “may help”. Andy and I know women that always asks for candies, sweets and co…. I have them with me and if seen, I’m asked for…
BTW, the ability in cooking is better, I must admit (and I have the proof! :-D).
Also wine may help.
And being like Brad Pitt.
And being famous.
Actually I’m working on the last two.
O M G! Your English is so much improved!
I look forward to the time when I’m a friend of a famous Brad Pitt
tell me Lola, does your partner eat chocolate sweets at all?
Yes, he does
Great, thanks Lola
@Pietro: and being different from our Pig Minster, ops, Prime Minister.
That is obvious: I am much taller…and my brain is in the upper side…
,-)
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My husband loves all chocolate and sweet foods, I am pretty sure he is not gay? But he is a vegetarian… pretty sure your friend would think he is gay because he does not chow down on a big lump of steak. Your friend is Italian?? I presume he kissses all his friends when he sees them and walks arm in arm with a good buddy… thats not gay!
Hi Cathy, nice to see you here.
Yes, he is Italian and yes, he does all those things – except with me but then that’s because I don’t really do those things – never quite got used to kissing a bloke that’s not my boyfriend, even other gay guys
He has, shall we say, peculiar ideas but then, he says, I am the only gay guy he knows, so everything I do that he doesn’t must be because I’m gay
Still, he has a heart of gold really and, most of the time, I just think the things he thinks like that are funny – hence the post.