Here in Milan, at the Santa Maria della Grazie church is one of Leonardo’s masterpieces. It has been restored and it is possible for you to go and see it, if you book far enough in advance or, if you are lucky on the day.
And, should you visit Milan, you should go. It is fabulous and puts all the copies and imitations to shame. The real colours, now it is restored, are fabulous. Bright, alive.
And, therefore, it seems fitting that there should be a real last supper. An up-to-date, modern version.
And, as with the real Last Supper, the point of it is to celebrate the life before and so that the people can remember the good things that have been done and pass that on to others in the future.
And, so, that is my plan. I want to celebrate the 20 years that have, overall, been so wonderful. I want to tell V of the truly great things he has done for me; how he gave me confidence in myself; how we laughed at the same things; how he supported me; how we were, together.
Whatever the future holds, I want to retain the memories and remember that, for most of the 20 years we were together, I had a ball. And that is, after all, down to him.
This post will come as no surprise to those of you have been reading this blog in the last month or so. There have been ups and downs throughout that time. In the end, I want to remain friends with V as I really enjoy his company. It is such a shame that we cannot be together any more but, that is life. I have, of course changed some of the things on this blog. I cannot, unfortunately, just change the name. So it will remain as V and A in Milan, even though, now, it will be, in the main, only A in Milan! [Update: Apr, 2015 – of course everything has changed now – including the blog address, etc.]
Of course, it’s not finally over yet. One cannot just walk out one day and close the door. Too many things are intertwined, interwoven, and they are not easy to separate. So it will still take some time but not that long, I think.
At least we don’t have a house to sell and divide and we have no kids to fight over (the dogs don’t count, in this case).
Do I have any regrets? Sure, who wouldn’t? These regrets, however, are outweighed completely by the good things. Will I miss V? Every second of every minute of every day. And, after all, that says something was/is special, unique and irreplaceable.
UPDATE
Well, that was the plan. This post was written a week or two ago, after V had agreed. Of course, things change and they have. I really wanted to do this but I find that I may not be able to do it after all. Maybe we have the meal and maybe not. Maybe it’s a celebration or maybe it’s sorting out the details of who gets what – practical stuff, etc.
I have been getting somewhat mixed messages but last night was as clear as day. Ah well, the idea was sound and the thought was there.
Hi Andy-
I cried reading this. Tears just fell from my eyes, warm and salty.
I feel incredibly sad, and yet I felt a romantic spark after reading the “update”. I am left wondering, not sure yet of “if”, “”when”, or “not”.
I feel also an incredible pull, a tug if you will, as I image you and V reaching toward or slipping away. Oh Andy, I wish to hug you, I wish the “blue light” of you and V never goes out, I wish you and V so many more “windows facing East” and the magnifigance of sunrises………….
Love from across the pond
Gail
I wish to hug you too, even if I don’t know you.
But I know life can be hard sometimes and I know how long term relationships work. I broke up with G. after 12 years few months ago and it was extremely difficult. Well, we are together again now but we went through challenging times.
Good luck
Thanks for the hugs, both of you, virtual though they may be. I think we both need them at this time.
Life sucks so bad. But Andy, I wish I had an attitude like yours, it is admirable.
Thanks ico. Yes, sometimes, life sucks. And, recently, sometimes, it has been hard to find positive things and, as I write this, my stomach is churning and it is difficult but, this will pass, I know.
A virtual hug can be useful? I do not know. Lot of people tells you that they understand. But no one are you, so no one of us can really understand how you really feel. Neither do I, even if I am in a similar situation…You noticed my phone calls, sometimes. You love someone, and you would like that only good things happen to your partner/friend. But we are partner or just friends? Sometimes one thing, sometimes the other. Why? Because only few things go as you would like. When this happens your partner/friend and you are on the top of Everest; when it seems that all the world is against you, only bad things happen, you are digging on the bottom of the Mariana Tench. How survive? Remembering that the top of Everest exists, and it is reachable. As I say when the dig is running, no one knows what there is tomorrow. But we know that there is one tomorrow. Always. As of now, only one was able to do one thing (and the Last Supper is the prelude. See, we stated to go to see it almost two years ago and still we have not). This means, for me, that all the rest, even if it seems impossible, can be achieved. It will be hard, but in principle possible.
Well, a virtual hug means that people think about you. You are right, of course, each situation is different for different people. But it is nice to know that ‘out there’ there are people who read and would like to give me a hug even if it’s not physically possible.
Hmm. Partner/friends. In my opinion (and maybe now is not the best time to be giving that) you should always be friends first. However, with V & I we remain friends and are trying very hard to stay that way, even if the partner bit is over.
You MUST go and see the Last Supper. It is wonderful. But it’s the same everywhere – if you live in a place where there’s something great to see there’s always tomorrow…and tomorrow…and tomorrow. Where I grew up as a kid, there was a famous house that I only got to see some years after I had left the place!!
Yes, I’ll go. In fact I am trying to find a good day for the reservation. But I already saw it, when I was a child, before the restoration. And about the partner/friend stuff you’are right, but you know, especially now, it is hard. Because for one of the two, still there is more than friendship. But now the sun appears, so a walk in the park is in sight for this afteroon!
I hope you had a nice walk. It’s been a beautiful day here, for certain. It’s hard if the feelings aren’t equal and if one wants more than the other. I don’t know what to say about that.
As you say, nothing is definitely over. Especially such important relationships. I’m sure you’ll remain friends and very close. And one never knows, I thought all was over with WoR, we separated for one year, and then we are together again. Life lessons are in any case hard, but they are lessons.
Yes, MoR. Important relationships may change but should still remain important. And, life lessons are sometimes very hard indeed.
I think we all feel close to you, Andy.
Thanks a lot, MoR.