Depending, of course, on the way that you look at it and your frame of mind.
The weather was good, on Sunday. Saturday night was lovely – a meal with friends – maybe a tad too much to drink but, hey, why not?
The rest of the time was looking for flats and recovering. The looking for flats made me both happy and unhappy. Happy because I can get something I can afford that is well big enough; unhappy because it will be just me and the boys.
And, at one point we (and I say ‘we’ as it was me and FfI) went from a beautifully furnished compact but nice place in not-such-a-good area to something that can only be described as a vacated drug den in a place that looked like one of the American Projects – and both for the same price.
The nice flat also had a ‘half lift’. Obviously the building was built without a lift and they managed to fit one in but it was very narrow and you could not get more than 2 people in it- so I did wonder about me and both dogs – it would be a squeeze. However, I could move in there tomorrow and, if nothing else happens this week, I might just do that.
Of course, I would prefer to be hunting with V. However, that is not to be. But, do I get something that is big enough, just in case, like before, after several months apart we just end up back together? I wonder if he thinks of that?
Of course, this time it is different and there is part of me that says that, even if we wanted to be back together, there’s no way we can be. And there’s no way that I should let it happen anyway!
But, another part of me would have it back tomorrow – no, even this moment – even knowing that so many things remain unresolved.
We did manage to communicate over the weekend, which was more than we had for about a month and a half! We spoke about the car; the furniture; flats (our current experiences, what we were looking for, etc.) – but not about the dogs; or us; or our feelings of hurt or anger or passion or, in fact, anything that really matters.
Hi Andy-
Change is never easy even when you think it is necessary. I also felt that romantic spark as you spoke of possibilities for you and V.
I have lots I want to say, but instead I feel I should just listen (read). It is your process……….and I respect that. Still, I feel so badly for you and for V. It actually aches.
Love from across the pond
Gail
Hi Gail,
Well, he remains the best looking guy in the room and still makes my heart stop for a moment, so I cannot just turn away.
In spite of that, there are some pretty fundamental issues that, until more recently, have never raised their heads (although I now see that they were always there). We shall see but thank you for your kind words.
Love from this side.
Andy