I have a fear of certain places, as I have mentioned before. Hospitals are one, where, I just can’t get it out of my head that, if I enter, someone will spot I have some dread disease and I will never leave.
Another, probably worse, is prison. I have never visited a prison and, I truly hope, never will – either as an inmate or a visitor.
So, when I heard that a colleague is in prison, in a foreign country, there is a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel for him and I am frightened for him. It was the first day of his holiday there. From what I can tell, he has been in prison for two days now. He must feel very lonely being thousands of miles from home and, although he can speak English well, it must be difficult for him (typical British understatement).
If it were me I would be so scared. And then I think what if it were V or someone who is really close? How would I cope with it all? I cannot even imagine the horror of it if it were me. His family are struggling at the moment and I feel for them too but for him, he must feel in the middle of some nightmare and wishing he would wake up. I really hope, with all my heart, that it’s all over very quickly and he is back home soon.
Oh my,
I feel the fear you are talking about. Prison? Awful. I get that same ‘sick to my stomach’ feeling too. A woman I work with? Her 32 yer old son is in prison, and I cannot even imagine her fears!!!
My work, which serves a prison population, as in, those just released or perhaps heading back after treatment has allowed me to really intensify my fears. At the same time, I have to be comforting to the client which is a delicate balance when every fiber of my being wants to tell them to “RUN”!!!!
Hospitals are scary places too.
Love Gail
peace…….
I worked out it’s all the places where I feel I may not be in control. I don’t mean in control of others, just in control of myself or where I don’t have enough knowledge of something (like hospitals).
I’m hypochondriac and I can’t deal with hospitals. I am much more scared of hospitals than prisons.
Well, at least with hypochondria there is some sort of rationale behind your dislike of hospitals!
Andy-
yes, yes,, es. Control. I don’t give control up well at all. Prisons and hospitals are clearly places one must surrender or die resisting. Ya know?
Even at my work -clients have to give up control and surrender to the structure of the program. I am SO aware of this dynamic and understand their resistance more than most.
love Gail
peace….
For some people, the loss of control makes them angry. The fight or flee gene works when you feel cornered. I’m sure you must have seen both of these at work.
I hope too he’ll be back soon. He’s one of the few that has “no bad mood”, always available to help and explain, teaching somethimes if needed. I went to a prison, once. There was a company that settled a theatre company of inmates. As you wrote in another place, being in relationship sometimes asks you to do something you normally would avoid. I still remember my fellings when I entered in. I cannot survive in places that are too strict, I need room to walk, to move, to change…
For me prison is a dark place, limited possibility to see the sky. I feel like after a punch in my stomach, like you. And I would like to have the possibility to do something for him.
I agree, Pietro. If only I could do something to help – no – get him home! Everything is crossed that it will go alright next Wednesday and that he will be on his way back soon after that.