I get texts and calls from V. One reason is that the Final Question is still happening, maybe. Therefore, he needs me. Therefore, he remains nice to me. It will be interesting to see if he remains the same once the Final Question thing has been sorted and we start (really) on our separate lives.

I have not yet completely cleared my stuff out of the old place. I was going back today to do some more.

I needed some drawers (which I now have). It’s amazing how much stuff I still have there. Now, I don’t feel anything when I return; but I find it very difficult to summon up the energy to take it all. I did wonder if there was a part of me that knows, when I take the last thing, it is finally finalised, finished, done, ended. I don’t think so but you never really know. I will, of course, know this when I have taken the last thing out.

Anyway, he texted me on Friday to ask if, for the very last time, he could borrow some money until payday. I cannot refuse him, even now.

We agreed that I would lend him the money when I went round today to collect more things (or, as I said, the final things). However, time worked against me and, before I had walked the boys in the park, had lunch, brought the boys back and sat at the kitchen table having a cup of tea with FfI, he texted me to ask when I was coming. I explained it probably wouldn’t be till 3 p.m. or so.

He couldn’t wait that long. So I agreed to meet him at the corner by the supermarket on the way to the park with the boys.

He was there on time. We chatted, mostly about me and what I had been doing. I failed to ask what he had been doing. I purposely failed. I do and I don’t want to know. The “don’t want to know” won. It’s probably as well as it saves him having to lie.

He was asking when he would see me next (to pay back the money, the cigarettes, the gas bill). I explained that Best Mate would be coming now for certain. I said we might go for a pizza or something and I would text him. He won’t come. He will be too busy or something or have something else on.

He looked sad. The big but here is – is it for real or is it just like this until the Final Question is done and dusted. I don’t know. I don’t like to see him sad but I’m not sure it’s not an act.

I think it’s an act, put on for effect. That’s kinda sad in itself.