“I have to schlep it all across to my house”, she wailed.

I remain without expression. I suggest “Why don’t you just take half?”

“If L were here, I’d get her to pick me up” (L is her daughter who is in the Caribbean as we speak).

“Why don’t you leave it here until Tuesday?”, I ask, helpfully.

Later…..

“It’s not so bad except for the station. All those steps and its so heavy”. I remain passive.

“Perhaps you could just take what you really need?”. I am trying to be as helpful as I can whilst not giving in to the thing she actually wants.

Oh yes, I may be acting a little stupid (I am a man, after all, and can get away with it) but I really am not so stupid. But, from a two day stay that changed to a 6/7 day stay; from promises of “I will cook every night”, etc. I really am NOT going to fall for this one. One meal bought, one prima piatta and one proper meal in all that time – oh no, not me.

Later…..

“You don’t use your car at the weekends, do you?”

I explain, “No, I hate driving in Milan. It’s always so difficult to find a parking space. One time I was driving around for over half an hour to find something”. There’s always truth in what I say although, I have to be honest, maybe it’s a little ….. exaggerated.

>Later, after we have been talking about the fact that Best Mate is due in tomorrow (today, now)……

“But, don’t you want to spend some time to yourself, here?”

This should have been the reply:

“Yes and, if you had left here on Tuesday like you promised me you would, then I would have had plenty of time to myself, cleaned the flat and, generally be very prepared for Best Mate’s arrival”.

The actual reply was:

“Yes, it would be nice but I am so happy that Best Mate is coming, I don’t mind at all”.

She borrowed €20 from me to get a taxi and left, finally, yesterday morning.

It was like living with V but without any of the benefits.