It’s the first Monday in February.
It’s probably going to rain for most of this week.
OK, so these are contributory factors and those of you who’ve read my blog for some time will know I’ve written similar posts in the past – but I feel terrible.
No, I’m not ill (as far as I know). I just feel crap. And down. And, quite a lot frightened.
All, for no reason that I can discern. The reasons above are not really good enough to bring on this feeling of panic and fear. So, there is no reason. I mean to say, I had a nice weekend – we had a nice weekend. We did the usual things (which wasn’t much, really). I watched La Grande Bellezza (The Great Beauty) which was beautifully shot but, I felt, lacking in real story. I’m not sure why it’s won the awards for best film – especially when you compare it to something like The Hunt. I also watched Blue Jasmine which, in spite of the fact that I am NOT a fan of Woody Allen films (except The Purple Rose of Cairo), I really enjoyed.
I even brushed the dogs! And we went out last night with friends, which was nice.
Obviously, I’ve only had about 6 hours sleep, so that doesn’t help but, still, why this feeling?
I feel like there’s about to be a huge disaster in my life. But I don’t really think that, I only feel it – so it has no basis on fact.
But my stomach is churning away. I feel a bit shaky.
I’m concentrating on doing things but everything is just a bit of an effort.
OK, so I forgot one thing – something F said last night in front of our friends that made me feel a little uncomfortable – in that it was another thing that may make living together difficult. But, again, this is not enough reason. Although if I extrapolate what he says then that throws into doubt the long-term future a bit. But only a bit. And, anyway, as I’ve mentioned before now, I have to arrive at that future which is not guaranteed.
I wish this nonsensical feeling would go away.
But, I wonder, do other people get this? Is it just me or, sometimes, do you wake up with a feeling of dread and fear for no good reason?
It makes me wonder if I’m slightly mad.
And, just in case, I leave you with this:
Queen – I’m going slightly mad