Discussions – where two or more people talk about a subject, expressing their ideas, trading comments and come to an agreeable conclusion, or not.

Rant – where someone expresses their view again and again and, quite possibly their idea of your view without the possibility of any response and where any views held are set in stone.

“We can never discuss anything.”

I am silent. What I should have said is that this, this thing that is occurring, is absolutely, fundamentally NOT a discussion. It is, in fact, a rant. And brought on by something that eludes me and, quite possibly, for absolutely no reason at all.

Instead, I am silent. I am also shocked (although by now I should be used to it) and I am also a little pissed off.

In my head, it should have gone like this:

“I’m tired now because I’ve done lots of stuff today.”

“Yes, I understand. Why don’t you stop now and let the cleaner do it.”

“Yes, good idea.”

And that would be that.

Instead the conversation goes something like this:

“I haven’t stopped a minute.” – note: this is NEVER true – it just means that he has done lots of things. In fact, he stopped on a number of occasions and, sometimes, for half an hour or more.

“I am very tired.” – note: this is possibly true.

“Why not stop now?” – note: I also have been doing things. I am stopping, probably.

“I can’t stop because I have to finish the ironing because “the bitch” (the name given to the cleaner – in fact, the name given to all cleaners who can never do it as well as he does, of course) won’t clean properly if there is any ironing.” – note: OK, it was only a suggestion.

“You never notice but she doesn’t clean properly and she has to learn and if you’re happy to pay her so much when she doesn’t do a good job then that’s up to you and if she came in once a week then that wouldn’t be so bad and I wouldn’t expect it to be perfect (note: although, in fact, he would) but she comes in three times a week blah, blah, blah …..”

I have to admit, I’ve stopped listening now. It’s the same-old, same-old. There is nothing I can do or say that will, in any way, change anything and, especially, what he thinks.

I offer to help with some washing but get lamblasted with the “fact” that we can never have a discussion and that no, I should just go back to my computer. I’ve actually been giving a lesson but let’s not think about that for whatever I say and do it isn’t right.

As I am not permitted to help and as I can say nothing that will in any way either mollify him nor stop him, I walk out. I hear,

“Yes, that’s right. You go away.”

Yes, I know. Just because he told me to go doesn’t mean I should but, you know, fuck it. The rant had been going on for about 10 minutes – I cut it short here – and I was royally pissed off now. What I had intended was that he should take a break. That the ironing (nor the cleaning for that matter) were not so important as to make him work all day (not that he had been). But, apparently, they are. And over that, we shall never see eye-to-eye.

I write up the lesson log. This takes about half an hour. I go to the bathroom and find he’s making the bed. I pick up the bolster cover (he’s doing the other one) and go to put it on the bolster.

“No, leave it. I’ll do it.”

This wasn’t a question. I carefully fold it back and put it back where it was without saying a word. Obviously what I wanted to do was just to throw it on the bed – but that’s not me.

I go back to my studio. After a few minutes I come back to tell him I’m taking the dogs out.

Later, I ask about dinner. I suggest something and he suggests something else. I don’t really care. I choose to get the “something else” out of the freezer.

It will need defrosting. I go and have a shower. He tells me that his mum had said it doesn’t need to be defrosted. I put it in the oven. I go back to my room.

I come back half an hour later and he’s laid the table – with candles and stuff. Perhaps it’s his way of making up? I don’t know and having been really pissed off for about 4 hours now, neither do I care. He doesn’t get away with it that easily.

We eat our meal but I’m not “not talking” to him so we talk about the TV programme that’s on. I suggest ice-cream for sweet, etc. It’s OK (the meal) but it’s not really great (in terms of “us”) – and it should have been great.

And, still, as we approach lunchtime today, I am pissed off about it. I really hate his ranting. I do know how he feels about the cleaner, cleaning and the ironing – I just don’t share his views. Nor will I ever. And, what’s more he knows that. I have no problem with him cleaning all day (he has admitted a number of times that he finds it really relaxing) but I get fed-up when he complains about the fact that he’s cleaned all day. This is like me complaining that I’ve had to read books all day or watched some films all day.

But the key is that, next time, I must remember to just say: “This is in no way a discussion it is just you ranting”, and walk out.