I find her on Facebook. There is a strange fascination that makes me look. It’s not an obsession, just an interest. I mean by that, I don’t go looking for her every day or anything. To be honest, I wasn’t looking for her when I found her but, having found her, I wanted to know more……
But there’s nothing really there. You can view her friends (and I’m assuming she’s still with Ruth (her profile says she’s in a relationship but not who it is with (but, then, nor does mine)) and that’s about it. Her friends include my two nephews (that I’ve never seen) and my two brothers who I haven’t seen for more than 20 years. There, that’s it.
I have a weird satisfaction in knowing that she is there (and not because she is physically on this planet but that, being physically on this planet, I know how to find her and I can view her profile) and that I can see her but that it’s unlikely she can see me, as if I’m viewing her from behind net curtains; peeping into her life like some voyeur even if, in reality, I know nothing of her life and nor will I, really, from this glimpse.
I showed F her photo. ‘She looks like you’, he said. She doesn’t but he didn’t know that was the wrong thing to say. Or, perhaps she does and everyone else has been giving me crap over the years?
Really, I was looking for the few (and that would be very few) friends that left school at the same time as I did or my friends from then, some of whom left school earlier than I did. They’re not there, in the same way that I’m not there, possibly. I don’t want ‘anyone’ to contact me and expect me to ‘Friend’ them just in case I didn’t really like them or something like that..
And on Saturday, we talked about ‘de-Friending’. FfI said that she had never been ‘de-Friended’. I then explained about G, who had ‘de-Friended’ me, prat that he is. She then realised that she had, in fact, been ‘de-Friended’ by someone who’s wife/girlfriend wanted him to take his profile off Facebook or, at least, stop being friends with ex-girlfriends.
F and I have each others passwords for Facebook. It’s really for Farmville, rather than Facebook. There is a slight urge in me to ‘look around’ but I don’t. It’s only a slight urge. When we’re together, neither of us hides anything anyway, including chats with friends. I don’t know if S, F’s ex, is on there but I don’t think so. Not that it matters anyway. I don’t have a problem with that at all. Which is just as well, seeing as he’ll be back here in January. I ask the occasional question – about his return, about what he’ll be doing, etc. but it’s only mild curiosity. My concern is that it has some effect on us – in that his flat won’t be ready and I expect him not to stay at mine every night…….but, maybe, that will be good? Perhaps?
I kind of hate Facebook. I suppose that I would really be a ‘sleeping’ Facebook user, were it not for Farmville, which is starting to annoy the hell out of me. In fact, some of my friends do seem to be ‘sleeping’ Facebook users and I can’t blame them. I’m not one of those who ‘posts’ something every five minutes. That would bore me too.
But I know this sort of thing wouldn’t bore her in the same way. So, I keep a check, every now and again. Just to see what is happening. Just in case. Although, in case of what, I’ve no idea!
Hi Andy-
Facebook can stir up a lot. I wonder about your two brothers and why it has been 20 years, and I wonder who “she” is. An old friend, relative, I wonder.
I was recently contacted by Dolan’s father’s recent “X”. She is SO hurt and wanted to share with me all the details of what ‘he’ did to her and their son. I wrote back and told her she could not process with me, that it was important to tell but not me. I wished her and her son well. When she wrote back, in very broken English and clearly of Hispanic heritage the saddest sentence in her message was this : “I don’t want to say goodbye to you”.
We have never even met and sadly, she was hoping that I could join her in her pain and hurt. I cannot. So I do wonder who “she” is in your Facebook world and I wonder about your brothers and what keeps you all apart. I sense your wonder as well.
Love and hope for us all
Gail
‘peace……
Yes, a friend of mine recently contacted the ex-wife of a guy that had hurt her very much. The wife responded and they had several email conversations. I’m not sure what it did for either of them in the end but my friend seemed to feel some sort of bonding between them which, reading the emails, I did not. However, I think yours is the best policy.
What keeps us all apart? Well, that’s a long story to be told another time but I do know what it is and, in some way, it is my choice too as well as theirs. Or, perhaps (but unlikely), I am not giving them the chance? We shall, probably, never know. As far as I know, they don’t even know that I don’t live in the UK and, so, it would be quite hard to find me.
Facebook can be, sort of, dangerous, really.
I’m not in facebook anymore and I feel defitely better!
I don’t have the urge to “spy” on my friends and relatives and I don’t like them to look at my facebook page.
I don’t understand the approach “nothing to hide nothing to fear” (very popular in the UK to promote the use of CCTV cameras) as I find it very reductive.
Anyway Andy, this post struck me. I’ve reading this blog for a while and you’ve (almost) never written about your family.
Well, to be honest, for everyone else (and certainly my ‘Friends’) I don’t feel the urge to ‘spy’ nor do I feel like I’m doing that. It is juts this one case and it is special circumstances, since it is my blood family.
I don’t understand the UK approach – but the thing you mention here is, to my mind, a completely different thing. Facebook can be as private as you want. There is no need to advertise anything about yourself, if you choose not to although, maybe, if I had an unusual name, I would think differently. As it is, if you Google my name, you won’t find me as there are so many more famous people with my name, in any of its forms!
No, you’re right. I rarely write about my Family. This blog is, in the main, about the present and not the past. I’m afraid none of my family are part of my present, excpet in ways like this.
Oh, yes, and nice to see you back, Lola! Any chance of another blog…..please? Pretty please?
….mmm thinking about a new blog
I’ll let you know.
ps.yes, video surveillance is totally different.
….oooh, exciting
I’m on facebook, and I do not play Farmville, I do not write anything about me or what I’m thinking (there’s the blog, that’s not updated so often…), and I do not upload photos. I met several schoolmate who I lost in the years, and sometimes I read their page to know if they’re good or not.that’s all. but, as Lola, I am thinking to cancel the profile.
Yes, I understand. Apart from Farmville, I don’t use it so much. Posting the odd thing which says nothing about me, really. The only place where I really let out some of my feelings and thoughts is here – but these are generally thoughts and feelings that I don’t tell anyone – except, maybe, Best Mate.
I think it’s almost as scary to delete your profile as it is to maintain it. But Lola found it liberating in some way, so maybe you should? I, almost certainly, won’t. I keep thinking it will be really useful one day……….or, maybe not :-).
My interest in my family is purely nosy. My interest in my real friends, some of whom are friends on Facebook, is genuine and that makes it different. And I have always been so crap at keeping in touch so it’s good for me.