‘You didn’t tell me’. Maybe I’m being a little over sensitive but it seems so accusatory.
I want to say. No, why would I? You have his number/Facebook contact/email address. I don’t live with him any more and we haven’t been together for over a year. What the fuck do you want from me? It’s not like he’s my responsibility any more.
I don’t say that. I don’t say anything like that. I just get angry. And frustrated.
What did you think? I was going to post it on my Facebook account? Or send an email to everyone I knew? Or telephone everyone? And say what, exactly? He didn’t even want to tell his parents (and didn’t for the first day or so) until I persuaded him that I should phone his sister and I would make it OK.
In fact, until today, I didn’t even know what had really happened.
Apparently he had a stroke. But he’s only 43! He tells me (after I email him about someone else saying that I hadn’t told them and telling me what he had wrong) that it was a localised stroke, brought on by stress, apparently. Yes, I know about the stress thing. His colleagues at work made sure I knew as I sat by his hospital bed. It was one of the reasons I stopped going. They were definitely accusing me of bringing it on. They said (in my hearing) that it was the stress of the break-up.
So, for the record – we broke up for reasons of trust. And he didn’t make any effort to enable me to trust him any more. It was both of us, of course. But he had plenty of opportunity to try and make it right and I’m sure I would have listened. It may not have changed anything but you never know. But, then, after he didn’t appear to want ‘us’ to continue, I found that I didn’t either.
But, anyway, I only found out a day after he had been taken to hospital. So, what do you want from me? He didn’t even want to tell me! He didn’t even tell me about the fact that it was a stroke until after someone else told me! And that was only today!!!!
I’m not the bad guy here, you know?
Oh my Andy – it is “V” of which you write. He had a stroke. I am SO so sorry. And sorry for all the confusion of telling, and who should know when and from whom – those nuances are so messy and awkward. So “no”, you are NOT the bad guy, the confused guy but not the bad guy. And not confused because of you, confused because after a break-up it is always confusing. Alwyas.
I am sorry for the whole mess.
Loving you
Gail
peace……
Andy, his colleagues are …. I’ don’t know how to put it… stupid.
But you seem strong enough not to care about it.
And yes, it’s not your responsibility anymore.
Thanks Gail and Lola. Yes, I know I’m not the bad guy and I know I’m not responsible for him but I don’t do the gossip thing that well and, therefore, where others would immediately be on the phone or writing an email to tell the world, I just keep my mouth shut ….. unless the person says they want it to be told!
And, to be honest Lola, I don’t really like most of his colleagues and so, you’re right, I don’t really care what they say. However, it meant that visiting him in hospital, which is difficult enough for me anyway, became just impossible. They were there all the time and, even if they would leave me alone with him for a while, it was just horrible.
I haven’t told him this and nor will I. They’re his friends – but he was never that good at choosing his friends and mistakes one thing for something else.
And I was a bit angry when I wrote this, to be honest.
Now I shall go to my quiet, calm place