19/03/10
I wish I could feel differently but I can’t. I hate being on customer site. It’s like I have to put on a show – it’s like being on stage and I don’t actually relax at all.
As a result I am tired; exhausted. Even with my colleagues I feel it is a show.
Of course, it doesn’t help that my private life remains so private. But that’s my choice really.
Customers are even worse from that point of view. They talk about their family, their houses, their vacations; I don’t. It’s not because I am fearful of letting something slip because I don’t really care that much, it’s just that it makes it all such hard work.
So I feel more alone and the show becomes a 24 hour thing for however many days it is. Not that most people would care one way or another but, you know ……
Still today is the last day. Tomorrow there is only the flight back and then I am free. I am free and able to be with the man I love and the dogs.
I am so looking forward to that.
I’m sorry you felt so. Maybe, if I was there, you could have had someone to talk or share thoughts.
I know how you felt…being single (or with a non-defined relationship) and being sorrounded by couples it’s not easy.
But now you’re at home, with your love and the dogs.
p.s. My dog is still with me, at least for tonight. Tomorrow who knows?
Remember I was writing this on my phone, sitting in a corner of the windowless labaratory with absolutely nothing to do whilst everyone else was doing something! At least Ale was there and he makes me laugh.
But it’s the same always – I often get the feelings of being an outsider even in a crowded room with friends. Only when I’m with someone, like now, and only when I’m with them do I get the feeling of being a part of the things around me. This isn’t a new thing for me.
I am glad about your dog. Another day, anyway. I’ll still be keeping my fingers crossed for you.