See, this is why I don’t say anything.  Why I keep my mouth shut but pour out my stupid and illogical thoughts here rather than actually speak them.

F returns today.  He has phoned me at least three times per day and sent numerous texts.  It’s not like he doesn’t miss me, I guess.

I texted him once.  My thinking goes that he will be busy/with family/with friends.  Of course, my real thinking is that he won’t want to talk to me or will have ‘forgotten’ about me.  I missed two calls and called him some minutes later.  And, on both occasions he had to call me back.

Of course, the reasons that I didn’t go with him are possibly many and varied.  First there is the dogs – what to do with them?  Then there is the fact that he hasn’t seen his parents in six months and, to go down with a new ‘friend’ (since they don’t know he’s gay), would have been, shall we say, difficult.  So, maybe he wanted to lay the foundations for the next time, introducing my name.  Maybe it was because he would have had to ‘look after me’ and, after 6 months away, it would all be too hard.  Maybe his parents live in a very small flat and there wouldn’t have been the room without making it all very awkward (since he hadn’t told them he was coming and it was a surprise – the surprise being much greater had I been there too).

And all these reasons are logical and reasonable and I am being too selfish and unreasonable.

And, so, I will say nothing.  At least, nothing directly.  I would prefer if he just told me the real reason why, of course.  But it hasn’t even been six months yet and I should stop expecting it to be like we had been together 6 years!

At least, all these thoughts I keep to myself so that I don’t appear a spoilt, selfish little brat.

And this is why I write here.