Showing my true feelings (not)


I am confused by my feelings. On the one hand I am angry – very angry. On the other, I couldn’t care less. On the one hand – ‘I never want to see you again’ and yet, ‘It’s your problem, you deal with it’.

And the stupidness of the whole thing beggars belief which is why there’s a part of me that couldn’t care less.

In addition, of course, one must take into account my stubbornness. I wonder if it’s a trait that I have developed because I am stubborn or because I am Taurus since, although I take Astrology with a pinch of salt, I do enjoy the fact that certain people (those who believe) will immediately see me as an Earth sign and that I like my home comforts, good food, good wine, etc. and as having positive traits?

>Indeed, I see them as positive traits too and am pleased to have them. But, did I see them as positive traits because that is what I am supposed to be or because they are positive traits? Even stubbornness I see as positive!

Anyway, back to the issue. I will do….precisely….nothing. Of course. I will neither say anything nor do anything although I might do less than something that I should and, therefore, by my inaction, make an action. In fact, the problem will fester with me for, possibly, quite some time. The inaction on my part to do ‘the something’ that I should, may continue beyond even that, as it may have become a habit and I shall do it without really knowing why or, even, that I am doing it.

And there are also other, related things that, in future, will now happen or, rather, that I shall do or not do as a result. Many (although, at the moment, I can only think of the one) of these will, probably, have a detrimental affect on me – the old ‘cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face’ thing, at which I am a practised master. I have, after all, had 40+ years of experience at it. Or is that the stubbornness thing really?

If it is the stubbornness thing then it has nothing to do with being Taurean (unless you believe in that stuff) but all to do with how I was brought up and, possibly, my genes – which all comes back to my parents. But don’t get me wrong, they are not to blame for this but, in my opinion, to be proud of this.

If you believe in this stuff, then the fact that I am Taurean makes me stubborn anyway and there is no talking to you.

And, the funniest thing about all this (although ‘funny’ is not really the right word) is that the person who is both the cause of this and the victim (if, again, that is the right word) will, in all probability, know nothing of it but might think me a little strange for a while.

There, that shows them, doesn’t it!

4 thoughts on “Showing my true feelings (not)

  1. Hi Andy-

    Oh my!!! Whatever you do or do not do is YOUR right. And yet, it would seem, that you are all tangled up in ‘this’ – albeit quite confusing to this loyal reader. – What exactly “this” is. I will venture that this is about “V” moving out. Am I close?

    Thinking of you
    love Gail

  2. Hi Gail,

    Although whatever I do is my right it may not be the right thing to do! In this case, I am annoyed with myself that I keep it all inside.
    It could be about V but it is not. FYI V has moved out (well, to all intents and purposes anyway) which is a step forward, for certain, but not something that warrants a blog post.

  3. Hi again-

    I don’t know what you are ‘keeping inside’…………but I do understand how that is so unsettling.
    And I am surprised and glad that “V’s” moving out does not warrant a blog post. That sounds to me like you are moving on too.

    I hope you make peace with whatever this is that has a hold on you so strongly. I feel the tightness all the way across the pond.

    Love you

  4. Hi Gail,
    I think it used to be called the British ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ – but I’m not sure since no one ever talked about it :-)
    It’s not worth the post because nothing really happened and we only saw each other once, very briefly.
    Thanks for the thoughts, anyway.

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