It was our first Italian wedding. Our second wedding this year. They were very different.

For the first, we flew from Milan to go to Stirling; the second, drove from near Siena to just north of Milan. The first was set in a castle chapel, with candlelight; the second in a wonderfully decorated town hall. The first – we walked the couple of yards to the main hall for the banquet; the second – we drove for about an hour to a remote restaurant (well, actually, it was near Malpensa airport, but you get the point). The first was a lavish banquet that lasted, maybe, a couple of hours, including speeches; or, the second has a meal that lasts for five (yes, that’s right, FIVE) hours. The first had dancing and drinking for several hours and then we go back to the hotel; or, with the second, the meal is finished so everyone goes home!

Now, I know, food is important to the Italians, hell, it’s important to me too but to have the wedding partly over the moment you’ve drained your coffee (slight exaggeration) was just slightly weird.

Most of the guests that I knew were V’s colleagues as it was one of his colleagues who was the bride. I think I had met all of them before. But, let’s start at the beginning.

The wedding was, as it turned out, to be on the same weekend that we had promised some friends we would go to Tuscany with them – near Siena, as they were off to a wedding on the Saturday and Friday was Liberation Day (or something like that) here, so was a days’ holiday. Unfortunately, T decided to get married that weekend as well.

I will write more about the weekend in another post but, basically, we drove for 4 hours or so on the Thursday night to Siena, arriving about midnight. Then we had Friday in Tuscany and then, at 7 a.m. the following day we left our hotel and drove for 3 and a half hours (there was hardly any traffic) to the wedding.

Now I had asked V for the correct address to the place that the wedding was taking place. As he works with the people, I thought that would be easy. He told me the address was on the invitation. I planned the trip to the Italian address on the invitation. We arrived, after getting a little lost in Legnano, at the correct street. V got changed in the car (I was already dressed for the do). As we are walking up the street I thought it was all too quiet and not at all wedding-like. When we got to the place, I pointed this out. V tried to telephone friends but couldn’t get a signal. We had arrived with about 10 minutes to spare.

We decided that this was not the right place. V then said it was supposed to be at the Commune. The Commune is the Town Hall (for want of a better word) and this was definitely NOT the Town Hall of Legnano. But we had no way of really knowing where it was apart from the fact that it would be somewhere in the centre of town (and that wasn’t where we were but was where we had driven through).

So a mad dash ensued, stopping to ask people where this Palazzo was and V frantically trying to get a signal (it turned out that his sim had become dislodged somehow).

Eventually we found ourselves at a car park (where we had previously parked, whilst asking for directions to the wrong place) near the town centre and very close to the Town Hall.

We were now about 15 minutes late. Unfortunately, this was one of those times when the great Italian ‘subito’ meant exactly that. I.e. the ceremony had already started. Still, we made it in time for the part where they agreed to marry each other.

Then we had the throwing of rice and hanging around outside the Town Hall for a bit, like you do.

Then we were all to go to the groom’s mum’s house, from where we would go, in convoy, to the restaurant.

Well, I was not expecting the distance! I mean we drove for about an hour to this place, somewhere the other side of Malpensa Airport.

When we got there, we had the usual intro drink but, as we were in Italy, with some apro food. We sat at the table. The three people opposite us were clearly not from our group and, therefore, should not have been on our table. Paddington Bear stares and V, using our secret language (that would be English which, as I keep pointing out, is NOT a secret language here) to make some pointed comments about the fact that they are at the wrong table and that they didn’t know what they were doing, eventually drove them to the other side of the room. Actually they were on the wrong table but, maybe, given that it was a wedding, we could have been nicer, V?

But then that left three empty seats at the end of the table nearest the top table. We moved up or down one seat about five times until I said that I was NOT moving any more and why didn’t John and Francesca move up here from the bottom of the table. They did and then everything was OK.

Wine was free-flowing; water too. Then we started the meal. The waiters came round with a platter full of prosciutto. They placed one small slice on the plate. Another came with melon. A small slice was placed on each plate. Then came a platter full of some other ham. Then some more. This seemed to go on for several hours! So you started thinking OK, nice, antipasto and after about 15 pieces of meat it seemed more like you had eaten a main course.

Then came salmon. Small but perfectly formed (and very nice). Then some risotto, some gnocchi, Ah, so we were on to the prima piatti. By now, I was quite full.

Then came sorbet. Then the main course, which although tiny by UK main course standards, was actually difficult to enjoy, being as stuffed as one was.

Then ice cream, chocolate sauce, strawberries and pineapple. Have you ever seen the sketch where the fat guy blows up in the restaurant through overeating? And I always thought it was a joke!

Then cake.

Then coffee.

Thank God they didn’t have mints with the coffee.

Basta! Enough! Someone told us (Francesca, I think) that this amount of food was not excessive for an Italian wedding. I mean, we sat down about 2 ish and left at 7. This is five hours for a sit down meal. And then no disco! I couldn’t have danced anyway. Waddling to the floor would even have been a problem.

Obviously there were many cigarette breaks in between. The weather was very pleasant (in the mid twenties) and mostly sunny.

T threw her bouquet which V caught. Hmm. Then gave it to F as she and J are to be married soon.

And I met C again. But now she has been reading this blog and I shall talk more about that in another post.

V also tried on the bride’s coat/train. Not really suitable, imho.

Then we drove back to Tuscany and got there just before midnight.

Yesterday we did some sightseeing, had a great lunch and drove back to Milan and got here about midnight.

I’m tired. And it’s a kind-of big day tomorrow.