I am not quite perfect. I know that.

The problem is in this brain of mine. Sometimes, unimportant things take on an importance that they don’t warrant. And, so it has been recently.

My main worry for the last week or so has been Dino. He was trying to be sick – making all the right noises (in the middle of the night, of course, so making me wide awake in milliseconds) but with nothing coming out.

If he had actually been sick, I wouldn’t have worried. Well, if he’d been sick many times I would have, but not if it was a couple of times. After all, he manages to find the only bread roll on a walk and, normally, scoff it before I realise what’s happened!

But he wasn’t being physically sick and that worried me a lot. It meant that he had possibly got something stuck in his stomach.

So, I took him to the vet. The vet decided to take an X-ray. He showed me the X-ray and said that, anyway, the X-ray wouldn’t pick up if there was plastic or something stuck in his stomach. In fact, from what he said, there seemed to be little point in the X-ray at all!

However, he then pointed out various parts inside. One of which was the liver which he said was too large. He implied it was very much larger than it should be.

So, he suggested a blood test and an ultra-sound scan. The ultra-sound scan would pick out if there was, for example, a plastic bag inside the stomach and would also mean that they could see what was wrong with the liver.

To be honest, I’ve been really scared.

I avoided looking it all up on the Internet, being all too aware that the Internet is NOT the best place to look for your fears. But, in the end I couldn’t resist. I found that it could be cancer, and infection, diabetes or cirrhosis. None of it bode well.

I made an appointment (which had to be during the week and had to be a morning as he had not to eat). We got there and he said that he was only going to do the blood test because that was the most important. I was a bit angry with him (but didn’t show it) as this could have been done the evening before, after work!

And then we had to wait for the results. During which time other things happened which has made me lose the plot somewhat because everything was JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME TO TAKE!

I went round on Tuesday night and the other vet was there (the one I don’t really like) and he said they hadn’t had the results back yet.

Of course, this worried me even more. Perhaps the results were delayed because they had found something? Perhaps this vet didn’t want to tell me because I’m pretty sure he knows I don’t like him very much and he didn’t want to be the one giving me bad news?

He said to come back round last night.

So, yesterday was much, much worse because, by now, I was really worried.

I went round last night. The nicer vet was there. He got the results printed out (from an email) and went through them with me.

And everything was OK. OK so some numbers were not perfect but most were. And the numbers that weren’t were not a cause for concern. Apparently.

And he added that we could do a scan but there was no need really and it was up to me. And, this time he seemed to imply that the liver wasn’t so large and it wasn’t so bad and maybe it was “just him”!

However, we’re going to have the scan anyway. Just in case. But I am so relieved. There is a possibility there is a tumour because “I have seen this before”, he said and added, “but usually the blood test would pick up some problems that would point to cancer.” So, it should be OK.

This morning, about 3 a.m. I woke up and was going through the other shit things that are happening and trying to solve them (this was NOT by choice) then about 5.30, I suddenly realised that all this shit was just so bloody unimportant when compared to the fact that Dino might have been seriously ill that I should just let it all go.

Which is what I’m starting to do today.

I am just happy that the four of us are OK and together. That’s really all that counts and sometimes, I forget.