Of course, I do know that it can be considered a ‘failing’.
V used to say that I was too nice. Some people may think that I’m a bit of a walkover.
The reality is that, until otherwise proved, I tend to take things at face value. Other people can do the convoluted, twisted thinking for me.
It’s not that I don’t think things through. No, not at all. It’s just that I prefer to live my life assuming that everyone means exactly what they say. Sure, I am met with some disappointments from time to time – but nothing really to shake my conviction that most people are inherently honest. Misguided, maybe, but honest.
So, I have mentioned to some people about the phone calls at Christmas and New Year from V’s parents (because I was so delighted to get them) and the invitation (which I may not have mentioned before) to Ay’s birthday party.
You see, she’s 21 this year. This is the girl that, almost 21 years ago, slept in my arms whilst V was up worrying about her; the baby that quite happily accepted curried goat from me at some party when she was only a few months old; the girl that used to run to me so that she could sit on my knee and read her latest school book to me; the girl that still calls me Uncle Andy.
So, quite obviously, without any thought, when C asked me if I could come because “Ay really wants you to be there”, I immediately said ‘yes’.
And, since then, I have thought about the fact that V will be there. Well, he must be there. But it’s not important for I am there for Ay and, anyway, I don’t harbour any bad feelings. A little hurt, maybe, by his decision to cut me off, but I don’t hold any grudge or anything.
Although, of course, it will be a bit strange to see him after all this time.
Of course, I didn’t put any store by the actions that, to me, were separate and isolated. The phone calls from his parents were not connected to the invitation from C, Ay’s mother and one of my favourite members of V’s family.
Why should I add any ulterior motive to all this? It is Ay’s 21st. I am honoured to be invited and, of course, I should be there. And F agrees. His only thing was ‘Please don’t ask me to come’ – but I didn’t intend to do that – that would make the thing charged with some tension, which would not be right, it being Ay’s day/night.
But people (or some people) can’t believe that this is all good. First there is the disbelief that F is OK with this. But, why not? He told me that I should go. But there’s got to be some jealousy, I get told. But why? Surely, at my time of life, I can do without jealousy? I try to explain. At my age I won’t be finding someone who has no ‘past’. It’s just not possible. More than that, the person will have had at least one, long-term, serious relationship before me. Actually, if they haven’t then I would question why? There has to be something wrong with them (or they are extremely unlucky) if they haven’t.
But, the upshot of all this is: They have a past. It makes them who they are. I cannot change it and, so, I should embrace it. If they still loved the ‘old’ lover, then they would still be with them, wouldn’t they? It’s true for me and so, in my thinking, it is true for everyone – unless or until I am proved wrong.
Not loving the ‘old’ lover doesn’t mean they don’t like them. After all, if they’ve been with them for a long time, there must have been a reason and that reason should still be there. It’s other factors that make us turn our backs on the past.
I am not jealous of F’s ongoing relationship (as friends) with his exes. It’s OK by me. I have met them and I like them. They are nice. Nor, do I think he has any problem if I want to speak to V. He understands (I think) that we broke up because we were not suited any more. That hasn’t changed. We’re still not suited. The relationship was finished and, to be honest, I have no desire to go back to the place I was three years ago. Now, I am happier and more content than ever before.
But, it seems, others are thinking that the phone calls and the invitation might be connected. As a way of pulling us back together. This is because, it seems, V is still not back with this ‘husband’. So someone has suggested that this might be an attempt to ‘get us back together’.
Of course, now that someone has mentioned it, it does cross my mind that it could be a reason – even if I think not. But you know how these niggling doubts happen. How they can get out of hand.
The thing is that it just won’t happen. V was (and is, probably) a wonderful person, in many ways. But not to live with. Not to be with, in a relationship. Now, whatever he tells me will be fine. Even if it is bullshit. For how will I know? More importantly, why should I care?
I was asked that, if they have got back together, how I would feel about seeing him with someone else? Well, to be honest, I really don’t mind. All I hope is that he is happy – whatever he’s doing and whomever he’s with. For I am happy and I want him to be too. I’m certain that all my life has led to this and this is a great point in my life. And he has played a part in this and, so, I want the same for him.
But I come back to my original thought – why shouldn’t I take all this at face value?
People are, I am sure, inherently good and honest. It’s all this thinking that does for them.