A video of the speech I made. My first wedding as a witness in Italy, my first speech at an Italian wedding and my first speech in Italian! That’s a hell of a lot of firsts!
Just over 37 years ago, I was Best Man at my best schoolmate’s wedding.
It has given my nightmares ever since.
I was young. I didn’t understand and, by then, I was no longer speaking to my parents so I couldn’t turn to them for advice.
I honestly don’t remember the whole day. I only remember (slightly) one part of the day. The part where I had to give a speech. When I say that I remember, that’s not entirely true. I don’t remember what I actually said. All I remember is that it was awful. Possibly the worst speech ever uttered by anyone in the whole world, ever!
And for most of my life, every time I saw a wedding, whether in real life or on screen, the awfulness of that wedding and, in particular, that speech, came flooding back.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, A got married. He wanted me to be a witness (they don’t really have the Best Man thing here). As for when I was Best Man, I was really honoured to be asked.
Then he told me he wanted me to do a speech. I didn’t really believe it would happen, to be honest. In Italy, speeches are not a thing. They just don’t do them. Here, a wedding is the service (in church or the local council place) followed by a meal (which often lasts for hours and has about 6 million different courses). Then everyone goes home/to their rooms (if in a hotel).
But, A being A, wanted a speech from me. He was concerned that many people would not understand because it would be in English and asked if F could translate it. Instead (but only as a just in case because I really believed it wouldn’t happen – both the wedding and the speech thing), I prepared a speech in Italian. F was supposed to look over it to correct the translation but we didn’t have time before the wedding.
So, we arrive at the church. F sits at the back correcting and editing (slashing loads of stuff out because it was too long, he said) whilst the service commences.
(see the church! At the top of the very windy road, just below the famous statue at Maratea – God, it was scary!)
Then we all get in cars to head back to the reception which is at the hotel we are staying at, far away from Milan, at a place called Maratea, on the Italian coast, south of Naples.
(this is the hotel, near Maratea, with its own, private, beach! The subject of another post)
We have the aperitivo. I don’t have much because I know there’s a main meal to come. Then we go in for the main meal. In the UK, we normally have the speeches after the meal. A wanted them before. M, one of his other witnesses and, possibly, his best friend, gives a speech. Then it’s my turn. He gives me the microphone but the waiters are serving the first course – so it doesn’t happen. Later it does. I (try to) speak in Italian since that is how it is written but I’m sure it was terrible – and yet, it wasn’t like 37 years ago. It didn’t embarrass me at all. Firstly because it was all written out and secondly because I made such an effort, I guess.
So, maybe now I can get over the 37-year-old disaster and be proud that I did something good?
I haven’t posted anything much really but, I just want to post this.
Driving between the sea and Milan this summer, a number of times, I was struck by one thing – instead of having to clean my windscreen very often, I didn’t have to do it once.
The reason was there were no dead insects covering the windscreen.
Obviously, from the point of cleaning, this was great.
But, it worries me. If there are a lot fewer insect deaths, either insects have become very clever and are avoiding roads or, possibly more likely, there are a lot fewer insects. And, by a lot fewer, I mean to say, an incredibly lot fewer.
To be honest, either reason would be cause for concern but, for a moment, let’s assume that it’s because insect numbers were decimated for some reason.
This, of course, is worrying because of the amount of life on earth that relies on insects. Swallows, frogs, lizards. OK, so you may not like frogs and lizards, but they do have a part in the food chain. So less frogs, for instance, means a source of food for Egrets and Storks is reduced. The knock-on effect is quite horrifying to imagine.
Then there are plants. Most plants rely on insects to reproduce. So, less insects means less reproduction of plants.
To me, this is just as horrific. We feed ourselves on plants whether we be vegans or carnivores and plants form an important part of our nutrition.
I hope this dearth of insects is just a one-time thing but, if it isn’t, perhaps the end of the world is already upon us?