The Final Question – an update.

I thought some of my regular readers would like to know – I caved in.

We had spent some days emailing each other and, in the end, actually sat down to talk. At the end of that, though I had got no real assurances except V’s word, I agreed to do it.

So, this morning it was (almost) done. There is a chance it won’t work out but at least I have tried. The only thing that may stop it is the fact that I do not have a Carta d’Identita. And, I don’t want one.

Last night I learnt that V’s weekend away was, so he says, a type of retreat. However, he was strangely quiet even though we were out to dinner at a friend’s house. Overall, there was an air of sadness. But he’s a good actor and I’m not entirely convinced.

When we were on our own, at the table, for a moment, he told me that he loved me.

I have two possible reactions to this: a) to take him in my arms and say that everything will be alright or b) to be a little snipey after all that he has put me through in the last four months.

Of course, there would also be the ‘be nice but be firm and stick to your resolve’ reaction, which would have been the correct one and for which one would earn £200 after passing GO!

I chose reaction b). Well, to be honest, I didn’t choose it, it just came out of my mouth and, even as I was saying it I SO wanted to go for reaction a).

The problem is that I then beat myself up about it and think that I am driving the wedge even deeper. Or not? I don’t know. The problem is that, to realise after all this time that, really, he should have not done the things that he did, is not, exactly, late but, well, you can’t expect things to just snap back into place because of the words ‘I love you’, can you?

It certainly is a long and winding road.

Borrowing – a loose term here, in Italy

OK, so, to be honest, even we, in the UK, will say something like – “Can I borrow some sugar?” or “Could I borrow some paper to write on, please?” – when we really will not be borrowing it at all but taking it, using it and, probably, not replacing it.

However, here, there is an element of “borrowing” that one could say was stealing.

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Love and Affection.

I don’t know why. As you have seen from the last couple of posts, as I am writing, some song or other comes into my head and I have to have it in the post. To be honest, given the current situation with You Tube in the UK, I’m not sure that my UK readers can listen/watch them.

However, I realised that my very favourite song of all time had never been posted by me and I thought it was time to right that wrong.

It also was (is) for me, the perfect song for ‘us’.

So, here it is. Enjoy.

So, why the hell ain’t I HAPPY?

Well, I know why. But isn’t it just bloody annoying? In theory, I should be, more or less, on Cloud 9. Bugger!

I have signed for the flat. It was all a little strange in the usual Italian way in that things said did not quite tie up with actual fact and vice versa. But, hey, siamo in Italia and that is life here.

She gave me back the money, in an envelope. I didn’t open the envelope. After one minute I returned the envelope to her. She didn’t open it either. It could have been stuffed with worthless bits of paper, who knows? Sometimes, I think, this is a seriously screwed-up country! Definitely, in the UK, that (the game of passing the envelope) would not have happened. But, then, it’s less likely we would have been passing an envelope around with cash in it (unless you lived in the underworld of crime, drugs, etc.).

Now, there are a million and one things to do, for which I still need help. I wish I could do it on my own! It’s the problem of being in a foreign country and not knowing enough of the language. Damn!

p.s. One of my very favourite songs was in the video originally posted on this page but, unfortunately, it no longer works and, as I didn’t write here what it was, I don’t remember!

Irrational Feelings?

I have a fear of certain places, as I have mentioned before. Hospitals are one, where, I just can’t get it out of my head that, if I enter, someone will spot I have some dread disease and I will never leave.

Another, probably worse, is prison. I have never visited a prison and, I truly hope, never will – either as an inmate or a visitor.

So, when I heard that a colleague is in prison, in a foreign country, there is a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel for him and I am frightened for him. It was the first day of his holiday there. From what I can tell, he has been in prison for two days now. He must feel very lonely being thousands of miles from home and, although he can speak English well, it must be difficult for him (typical British understatement).

If it were me I would be so scared. And then I think what if it were V or someone who is really close? How would I cope with it all? I cannot even imagine the horror of it if it were me. His family are struggling at the moment and I feel for them too but for him, he must feel in the middle of some nightmare and wishing he would wake up. I really hope, with all my heart, that it’s all over very quickly and he is back home soon.

The point of no return and things to be missed

I am at home today. First I have had one removal firm come round and quote. I really wanted two different quotes. One for all our furniture (just in case) and one for the things I am taking. I ended up with one – for all our furniture. It is quite a lot of money. I can afford it but wish that it were cheaper.

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Be More Cheerful!


Yeah, right.

It bothers me that the blog may have become a little depressing. After all, I’m not sure that it helps and it must make for terrible reading. It’s difficult to make it more cheerful, to be honest. At least right now.

But, let’s look for some cheerful things to say. After all, we are into spring now. The forsythia is blooming, leaves are starting to show, the sun is shining and, for the first time this year, the back door is open as I type. See, already it’s starting to look better, isn’t it?

Back to the flat (the new flat). I had postponed the meeting to sign the flat until next Tuesday for various reasons. However, we have someone visiting the factory on Monday and Tuesday of next week. Originally, I thought that they were coming for 3 days, so sloping off a little early on day two would not be a problem. However, then they said they were only going to be here for two days and I do want to see what they say at the end of the visit – so, I got the MD to phone up.

But here’s where the slightly strange bit came in. When I first went to see her I thought she was the owner. It turns out she was the Administrator and she wanted her commission. I nearly walked out at one point but, in the end we agreed on €500, which I paid in cash and got a receipt. Because the figure was low (for her, anyway), she said that, once the contract was signed, we would tear up the receipt. In other words, it was to be “in nero”. No real surprise – we are in Italy, after all.

So, as I needed to move it to Wednesday and as it was because we had a visitor, I asked my MD to make the call. When she rang, what had originally been agreed was a little changed. Instead of getting some special savings-account passbook, I could bring a cheque. Then later I could get the passbook and the cheque would be ripped up! And, also could I bring €500 cash. When my MD got off the phone, she explained this to me saying that, apparently, I knew about the €500 thing. I thought it was very strange. I said that I certainly didn’t know about it and couldn’t understand what it was for. She kindly phoned back. Apparently the €500 I paid before was not the commission/expenses of the Administrator but rather a ‘deposit’ that would be returned to me at the signing of the contract. I would get this back and then I would pay the commission! What?

The reality is that either the old-lady Administrator forgot that I had already paid the €500 or she was trying to scam me for more dosh or this really was the way it works. But then, why tell my MD to tell me not to forget the €500 in cash if it was the last one? I won’t need the €500 in cash if she’s going to give me back the €500 I gave her! I’m going for one of the first two and I’m so inclined to believe it was the second one. Perhaps, in my old age, I’m just getting far to cynical.

Anyway, hopefully you found this post a little more cheerful. For those of who have it, enjoy the sun in the first few days of spring.

Nuffink Much

So, there is some movement and I feel much more positive today – in general.

Before the Final Question can be answered, there needs to be some further dialogue – and dialogue without anger. We shall see. The email has been answered, ‘Re: Final Question’ as the title.

And now, due to work commitments, instead of Tuesday, I go to sign my contract for the perfect-flat-on-the-perfect-street next Wednesday. Hurrah!

This weekend, I will start to pack things up – the easier things, like books and things that are, obviously, mine. Maybe clear some crap out at the same time. Other than that, no specific plans although I may be out on Saturday night. Anyway, I must work on the website stuff and start the packing and, this week, take the dogs out a few times. They, too, have been suffering, as dogs do, with the all the things going on and deserve a good weekend. The weather has turned a little chilly anyway, quite suitable for walking the dogs.

Nothing very much, really.