Author Archives: Andy

I’m concentrating on practical stuff.

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Everything’s kinda a bit fluid right now.

Having made the ‘decision’ and then being unsure, yesterday afternoon made the decision definite. In the end, I broached the subject with F. He asked what we would do with the body. I said I would leave it with the vet. He said no, we should have the ashes because Rufus needs a tome. Well, when he said it it sounded like tome but in fact he meant tomb, of course. Still, it made me smile – inwardly since smiling outwardly would have been very incorrect – and neither did I, on this occasion, correct his pronunciation.

But, in fact, he doesn’t mean tomb either. I’m pretty sure that what he wants is an urn with the ashes. It’s a concession I’m OK with.

He also told me that, when it comes time for Dino, I am not to tell him at all but just do it. Of course, Dino, he wants stuffed! Anyway, that’s 10 years away so who knows?

We are in Italy.

I woke up about 4 a.m. and couldn’t sleep. I got up and researched pet cremation in Italy. Surprisingly enough, it’s not that difficult. I found two places almost immediately. They collect, do their thing and return the ashes to you.

So, this morning, after I had taken them for a walk, I went to the vet. I had questions. Do they do a cremation and return ashes service? How much does it cost? If not or it’s too expensive, can they keep the animal while the other service comes to collect? How much does that cost?

Yes, they can do it but it’s very expensive – €400. No, they couldn’t keep it but they would give it back for me (to carry home – which is not ideal – dead animals always seem heavier, somehow). Just to do the putting down would cost €100.

I come back home and check out the services I had found last night. Yes, one of them costs €200 (plus €20 for delivery of the urn). They need 12 hours notice for collection.

So, the end result was €400 or €320 (with me carrying him home). I’m going with the first. F said he would pay but I won’t let him.

Oh, yes, and they can only do it on Monday. So, I will have to take a day off work. Ah well, it has to be.

I am so much more tolerant with Rufus now. He’s been getting treats. I let him off the lead in the dog areas and he’s allowed to eat kakka if he wants (it makes no difference now), we walk always at his pace (except when crossing roads if I can’t help it). He is getting lots of patting and stroking. He has been a wonderful dog. But he stays very close now. I think he has had enough, if you see what I mean.

But, is it wrong of me, I am looking forward to getting a new puppy sometime in the near future? I say it’s for Dino, of course. But, I think, secretly, it’s for me too. And, maybe, it’s also a way to look beyond Monday? Yes, I think it’s that.

The vet doesn’t think it’s a good idea to bring Dino too. However, I think I will. I want Dino to understand that Rufus is not coming home. Otherwise, he will always look for him. Like he looks for F.

I’ve emailed V and I’ll do it again. But I’m not expecting any response. It’s OK.

And we get to spend the weekend with Rufus.

In other news, yesterday, I finally got keys to F’s flat. This is a) just in case he loses or forgets his and b) in case he needs me to go there for something if he is away. And, I guess, because he loves me. From Monday, someone is coming to stay at his flat so he will be staying with me – for a month or so. In reality, of course, it makes no difference since he does, more or less, stay here all the time anyway. Still, it’s good that he is, although I’m possibly not as excited about those two things as I would have normally been but I think you can understand.

On being not sure.

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Of course, it’s all better today. In fact, it’s as if we have returned to several months ago.

And, this time it’s different. I have F to consider. And it’s his birthday today. So, not today then.

And I am tormented by the should I/shouldn’t I thing. As last time. But last time was different. I made the decision and wasn’t with F. It was more of a joint decision.

On the one hand, there is the fact that I am on holiday until the 9th. This means that I get several days with Dino before I have to leave him alone.

Also there is the fact that, should the same thing happen, for example, next week, it could be a whole day before I am able to clean up. And it would mean going to do it in the evening. Or taking time off work (which is not the problem – only that I would then have to go into work, leaving Dino alone) to go in the morning.

On the other hand – what if that were only a temporary thing? What if it doesn’t happen again for months? What if he keeps going until Easter? Until the weather gets warmer?

And now he seems more attached to F. And F doesn’t even want to think about it nor discuss it.

It makes my gut wrench.

It makes my heart bleed.

If only he hadn’t seemed much better this morning. No pees or poohs to clean up. Not even a pee until we got outside!

I have stopped giving him any medication and he seems even better.

Except, maybe, he isn’t eating. I’m not sure.

In fact, I’m not sure about anything.

Bugger!

Wonderful time and fantastic surprises.

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Well, I suppose I’d better start by wishing my faithful readers a glorious and happy 2012. And to say sorry for not posting over the festive period.

Christmas was, as expected, wonderful, even if I did wake on Christmas morning with what seemed like ‘flu. I ignored it. I felt much better by Wednesday.

So the highlights were:

The best present I got from F was not the vaporetto (steam cleaner) that F was so delighted with giving me but the snow globe with the pictures of the dogs inside. Don’t get me wrong, the vaporetto is wonderful but I think that if I tell you that F’s excited question (as if a small boy with a new toy) later on Christmas Day of ‘Shall we use the vaporetto now?’ you will agree that nothing more needs to be said.

V’s Dad phoned me on Christmas Day. It was such a nice surprise and I was speechless. They never phone. They hardly ever phoned when V and I were together and so it was such a wonderful ‘present’. His Mum phoned on New Year’s Day to wish me Happy New Year. So nice of them.

On Christmas Day we cooked together most of the morning and ate together most of the afternoon. I couldn’t have wished for anything better (well, I suppose I could have wished for no ‘flu – but I’m not complaining). We opened presents, we had fun.

Of course, not everything was perfect over the period. I learnt that he really doesn’t have patience and also that he really doesn’t like the fact that I won’t argue with him – but really! A light in the bathroom, overcooked lentils, not being able to fit the roasting net over the cotechino, not being perfectly ready in time for our New Year’s Eve guests – none of these things are actually important things. Well, not to me, anyway. The light in the bathroom deserves it’s own post. Oh yes, and in addition to the lack of patience and me not arguing, one could add that he doesn’t listen to me – but then, that’s not really new :-)

I know that, for a lot of people, they are glad to see the back of 2011 but not me. It was a wonderful year and one of the happiest I’ve ever had. I hope that 2012 will be the same both for me and for all you out there.

And, whatever else there may be, we will have candlelight.

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You’ve probably gathered from my posts that this year, this Christmas, is very different from the others. Among other things, although I will be doing some shopping on Christmas Eve, I have already done quite a bit.

Apart from the fact that I’ve certainly got the ‘Christmas spirit’, F has definitely got it. And that is making this period even better for me.

“I need candlesticks”, he said a few days ago.

“I have some”, I replied.

“No, not those. I need some short ones. And some candles”

I didn’t argue even if I have candles too. When he has an idea about how he wants something to be, it’s best to let him get on with it.

And so, last night, he came with bags. Bags of candlesticks and candles. Apparently, there will be a LOT of candles at Christmas.

We start with candlesticks. He showed me. It was a simple, couple-of-inches, glass candlestick. I liked it.

“I’ve got six of these”, he adds. And a ton of candles.

I’m not entirely sure of his idea but I think all six will be used.

And, he informed me, he had invited a couple round for New Year. And we invited another couple a couple of days ago. If everyone comes, it will be quite busy but neither of us expect that.

But, at least we’ll have candles everywhere!

Thank God or I possibly wouldn’t even be here!

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I’ve mentioned them before. The homeless people you see on the streets of Milan. The crazy woman with her designer gear (sort of); the black immigrants with nowhere to go; the old men with the beards or the disabled with no hope except to show off their deformity like they were in some 18th Century circus.

And I often think – there but for the grace of God go I – since I know it doesn’t take much to fall off the social ladder – no job = no home = no chances.

But, thank God or gods or whoever it is in whom you believe, I’m not there – otherwise I probably wouldn’t be there at all but, rather, six feet under.

A thought for those without the festive fun at Christmas or, more importantly, without their own home, for whatever reason it may be. Life isn’t always fair or just. But no one, surely, deserves to be without a roof over their heads?

Nightmares before Christmas

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“Did you lock the door?”

I don’t know why I had woken but I have my suspicions. I answered that I had, not knowing, really, if that were true but being pretty sure that I locked it when I came back from walking the dogs. Of course, I couldn’t get up to check it for that would highlight my doubts and, right now, even in my half-awake state, I knew that ‘doubt’ was not required nor desired.

“Did you hear that noise?”

This was moments later. I didn’t check the time right then but later I realised it was about an hour after I had got to sleep.

“Turn the light on”, he demanded. I did. “Do you want me to go and check?”, I asked. “Yes”, came the response.

I got up. “I’m coming with you”, he said.

I walked into the lounge and then the hallway, turning lights on as I went. The lights were for two reasons. 1 – just in case Rufus had done a pee and 2 – because F was frightened.

I had asked, just before I went to sleep – “Do you watch these [horror] films when you are on your own?”

“Never”, came the reply.

He makes me laugh even if I was up and about when I should have been asleep!

And, as a treat, a clip from one of my all-time favourite Christmas films :-D

Better late than never.

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Of course, I expect it’s too late now.

But it’s done anyway.

This morning was when I finally got these.

The cards have been ready since the 10th December and I had brought them with me to work this morning. Having got them, I stuck them on straight away and then walked to the nearest post office to post them.

But I think they will take a week or more to get to their destinations which means they will arrive after the big day.

Ah well, such is life. They do look very pretty so better late than never. I’m sure everyone will understand.

The Chritsmas Spirit; Friends from across the water.

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“Did you like the thing on the table in the lounge?”; he grins as he asks this of me.

“What thing?”, I ask back. Of course, I knew he had been there, dropping off some jars of antipasto stuff for Christmas day lunch. But they had been in the kitchen. Although I had put some washing out to dry in the lounge I had, as normal, failed to look at anything. I am a man. It’s not an excuse – just a fact.

He is obviously excited about it. In fact, he seems very excited about Christmas all round. Which is lovely.

I go back home and look on the table. There is a festive table centrepiece. All green and gold and red. I tell him it is lovely – which it is – but more for the fact that he is making such an effort with everything this year. Not that it is really effort – at least, I think he’s doing it because he’s really looking forward to it.

The previous morning, we had gone for breakfast and, on the way back, we popped into the Chinese shop round the corner from me. He had decided that he didn’t like the lights round the doorways in the lounge. They were not the right shade of white. He bought two more sets of lights that were the right shade of white.

In the evening we went to Baia Chia – the Sardinian restaurant. A colleague (of mine from 18 years ago, he said – and it was probably true) and his wife (whom I had never met) are over in Milan and we had agreed to go out. Also, Stef was over from the US. An also joined us and so we were six.

We had a fabulous meal. I miss Stef and Nicole quite a lot so it was particularly good to see him. He has gone very American though and all the good work I had put into teaching him British English has been for nothing. Obviously, it’s OK but it was funny to hear him speak with an American accent and use words live ‘beverages’ when he meant ‘drinks’.

We also had a lot to drink. Indeed, between the six of us we must have had the best part of two bottles of Mirto after all the wine! F was a little drunk. When we arrived home, he started trying to put up the new lights. I told him not to do it because he was drunk. He did one but left the other until the morning, thank goodness.

And now the flat is nearly ready. The only room which has not had the full ‘spring clean’ is the bedroom – to be done on Christmas Eve.

And, unusually for me, I did some Christmas shopping on Sunday! This just shows how much I am into the Christmas spirit this year. This could be the very best Christmas ever :-D