1 Englishman, 1 American and 2 Italians in a pub.

There’s an Englishman, American, two Italians and two dogs, sitting in a bar ………

Sounds like the start of a good joke, doesn’t it?

OK then, let’s continue …..

The humans are talking about this and that, having a few drinks. It’s a pleasant evening, quite warm and, whilst not exactly outside, they are in a semi-covered area, stuck in a corner. It was the only place available. They are sittiing around a small, round table.

They haven’t seen each other for a while and it’s good to chat.

Suddenly, and without warning, there is this awful, retch-inducing smell.

The Englishman, being English, says nothing but pretends that nothing is happening.

The Italians, being ‘out’ say nothing and pretend that nothing is happening.

The American, having lived in Europe long enough, politely says nothing and pretends that nothing is happening.

The dogs, being non-human, say nothing.

The position in the bar means that there is no escape. And, to move would be to ‘know’ and no one wants that, do they?

Two, three or maybe four times this happens.

Each time it seems worse than the last.

Eventually, everyone leaves to go home.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

“It was Piero,” says F, as we are walking home. And I agree.

We had brought the dogs with us as our friends wanted to see the puppy, even if he is 5 months old and quite large now.

I mean, you get this problem with oldeer dogs. Occasionally, Dino ‘drops one’. But for such a young puppy – but it’s true and I agree. That night, when they were in separate rooms, it comes again and confirms it’s Piero.

Bloody dog! I haven’t even changed his food!

In any event, it wasn’t a joke at all. But what were we to do?

The kind of rain I like

Whereas, for us, in Italy, it’s been a lovely summer with hardly any rain, I know it hasn’t been like that for all of you, particularly those in the UK.

So, perhaps for you, this would not be something you can imagine bothering with. However, it is something that I would love to go and see …… and experience.

It’s at the Barbican Centre in London (London does do great art) and it’s free. If I go to London before the end of February/beginning of March, I will definitely take a trip to experience it.

And, below is the video – but even seeing it on video would not be the same as actually being there. This is something that is no good in print or on video.

So happy (well, I will be)

F, as I have mentioned, is away. His flight back was set to arrive about 7 p.m. on Saturday. That’s a whole week plus half the weekend. I don’t complain – it’s work after all – and work keeps us all sane and brings in money to allow us to enjoy doing the things we like.

However, I don’t like him being away so long. Including for him, since he gets very tired.

But, a bit of good news just in. He has changed plans and will be home on Friday night and I shall go and pick him up straight from work – as I’m half way to the airport anyway.

I am very happy. I will be much happier on Friday night – even waiting at the airport for him to arrive :-)

Bloody normal

It’s not really unusual in itself – it was just more than usual last night.

F is away and, whenever he’s away I seem to have a bad night.

Last night it took me aaaaaaaaaaaaggggeeeeeeeeeees to get to sleep. I went to bed about 10.30 but probably went to sleep about midnight.

And, at 3 I was wide awake!

I got up, had a drink and a few cigarettes and, about 5, went back to bed.

But I didn’t sleep and got up about 5.30.

Of course, now, as I write this, I could sleep forever.

When I walk, my legs feel like tree trunks – big and heavy. My eyes are gritty and sore. My slight headache has gone (thank goodness) but I know that everything will be a real struggle today.

I feel, in a word, like crap.

I hope nobody crosses me today. My temper will be short.

Bah!

p.s. and the weather is crap too. Colder and rainy and miserable – (I suppose it is September) – which does not help my mood at all!

Mantova Festivaletteratura

Note: I wrote part of this on the train, on my way to the Mantova Festivaletteratura. 6th September. The rest is from memory.

It’s 8.15. I’m on the train. I have butterflies in my stomach, partly because I am always like this when using public transport and partly because, since last night, I have been quite excited about going to the Festival.

It is far too early to be up on a holiday but I decided, this year, to take the train rather than drive. It means I don’t have to worry about drinking, the traffic, parking, etc. But also, I think, it is much cheaper, even if I am travelling 1st class against motorway tolls and petrol.

So I sit in leather seats, in comfort, with room to move around and can relax.

As I write, we have left, exactly on time. The rail service, here, is really very good. And 1st class is worth the 5€ extra.

The countryside is not really beautiful, to me. We are in the Lombardy plain, there are no hills. The flat fields to either side are full of ready-to-harvest rice – which plants look similar to sweet corn (maize to Americans, maiz to Italians), like dead stalks rather than food, or just-harvested fields with the few inches of dried stalks left.

Occasionally we pass buildings. Old, abandoned buildings – except they aren’t really abandoned. There are telltale signs – window shutters open, a car parked outside, washing hanging from the window.

Or small villages or towns, clustered houses which end abruptly to fields of sweet corn or rice or hay.

We pass through a station called Pizzaghettone (or something like that) and then, immediately over the river Po, I assume, the other side of which is a small village – which reminds me of Crespi d’Adda – a factory (still operating) with purpose-built houses and blocks of flats nearby. I must check it out sometime.

There are points on the line where the rail is single track. the train slows and passes through wooded areas. It looks so beautiful as the early morning sunlight shines through so it is not gloomy. We could be anywhere.

We arrive, on time.

This is, in fact, the first time I have come to Mantova by train and, if I am on my own, it is certainly something to consider next time.

I walk from the station through to the centre and the Festival office. I arrive at the square near to Piazza del Erbe. There is a café there that sells some special Mantovan pastry. I stop and sit at a table. In any case, I need coffee. It is hot and perfect.

The waitress comes and I try to get what I want but, either they have run out or they don’t sell it any more. I have coffee with a doughnut. It’s not brilliant but it’s OK.

I walk round to the office. It’s the first day of the festival but there are plenty of people around. I go into the office. They have changed things around a bit. I look for Marella but can’t see her. I see Sara and the guy from Sweden or Norway or somewhere of whom, to my disgust, I can never remember his name. He’s such a nice guy too. But I am crap with names. Sara explains that Marella is not feeling well. I am disappointed because I usually spend 10 minutes chatting to her and it’s always a nice start. However, Sara sorts me out, including which events to see. I have all day and only three events so plenty of time for sitting, relaxing, drinking and eating.

So, I leave the busy office, not wanting to be a burden, knowing, having worked at the Hay Festival, that you really don’t want people just hanging about. There is work to do, after all.

I make my way up to Piazza Sordello and one of the outside cafés. I sit and, even if it is about 11 a.m., I will have a beer :-)

Except the waiter ignores me. And I read about my first event. I check the time – it starts in less than 15 minutes. I abandon my idea of a beer and get up and walk towards the location. As I near the place, I pass another cafée and decide that I will have that beer after all.

I sit outside and order. I have 10 minutes. It’s enough time.

As I drink my beer, a ‘minder’ comes with two people. Americans. Since the couple have a minder, he or she must be an author or, at least, speaker. I look at him but don’t have any idea who he is. The minder is obviously bored with them or cannot find things to say. She checks her phone. I contemplate the idea of talking to him (for his partner has gone across the street to take photos) but don’t. After all, I don’t actually know who he is and just because I speak almost the same language, doesn’t mean I have to speak to him. Indeed, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean I will like you – in fact, I don’t really have many gay friends – I find I have little in common.

I suddenly realise I am going to be late and finish my beer, pay at the counter and go to the event. It is called Translation Slam. It may have been wonderful if it had been an English author but, unfortunately, the author was Spanish – so although I understood some of the Italian, the whole thing was quite difficult to follow.

After this, it was time for lunch. Lunch, of course, had to be Griffone Bianco (see link on right). I wandered up to Piazza Erbe. I could see some of the old buildings fenced off – the earthquake near Modena affected Mantova too – but none of them seemed to have fallen down – just a few bricks or slates having fallen to the ground.

As I walked up to the restaurant, I saw Peter, sitting on his own. I went to say hello and he invited me to join him, even if he was already on desert. I had a very pleasant lunch time and we chatted and ate and drank (although he only drank water) and it took about two and a half hours.

The next event was just after 3. Steven Greenblatt. It was OK and, obviously, all his bits were in English which helps a lot :-)

On my way back to the office, I passed a shop which sold belts (amongst other things) and called in and bought a belt which I had needed for ages. Then I went to the office to enquire about Marella. Apparently she was going to come in later. But then I was off to my next event. It was Peter interviewing Aiden chambers – so all in English (with translations for the Italian audience. Mr Chmabers did seem quite a crazy guy (in what he thought) but it was interesting none the less.

During the event, Marella texted me to ask how it was going, were there many people, etc. There were a lot of people – almost full and I thought it went very well – the audience seemed to appreciate it.

Then, as Marella was now in the office, I went down to see her. Whilst waiting for her, Peter arrived and she grabbed him to ask if he would go to dinner with some important people of the Festival. Then she asked if I could come too. Is said I could for about half an hour as I had to catch a train. She said that was fine.

We got a taxi and ended up at the ‘staff canteen’. Mantova has an enormous number of volunteers – mostly kids from schools and universities and the one thing that Mantova does well is look after them. They have a huge canteen serving food all day and evening. I found it amusing that we were going to dinner there – what with such important people in Mantova!

We followed Marella into the ‘authors & special people’ dining room – away from the hordes of kids (thank goodness). There were about 10 very large, round tables, with tableclothes on. We were introduced to these people (a couple – the woman of which I had seen at Peter’s gig). Then we got food from where they were serving and sat down.

Considering these people had really wanted Peter to come, they hardly spoke to him which both Peter and I found quite strange. In fact, the guy spoke more to me – about the dogs, as it happens.

And, finally, Marella and I got a few moments to talk when I promised to try and bring F (and, maybe, the dogs) there next year. Well, he’s met Lola now and likes both her and G, so I’m on a roll right now!

Of course, because the time was short, I completely forgot to ask about Marella’s daughter – which I felt terrible about afterwards.

I left quite soon and walked to the station. I arrived with a few minutes to spare and got on the train. It left on time but, unfortunately, there was a delay on the way back (another train in front had some problems) and so I didn’t get into Milan until 11.30.

But, I thought as I caught the tram back – here (as opposed to Hay), I can wear my sandals all day and night – and that makes everything so much more pleasant.

However, I had a super day and was so glad that Marella (even though slightly sickly) was able to come. I’m sure that, without her (sorry Sara), the festival wouldn’t actually be quite the same at all.

So, next year, I have to try and persuade F to take a day off and come – even if it is his busy time of year.

Shit City

Well, it was a bit of a disaster alright, last night, but not at all in the way that I had thought.

It was, in fact, what I used to call ‘shit city’.

Great piles of the stuff, mostly on the newspaper but, when the newspaper ran out of space, the floor.

And I do mean huge piles of it. So much so that I ‘growled’ at Dino. Obviously, TLB (The Little Bastard – my new name for Piero) could not possibly have done it all.

However, after cleaning up, I took them out for a walk. We were out for about an hour and a half. At the start of the walk, Dino did a pooh which was normal. It made me doubt that any of the shit in shit city could be his …… and, yet?

On the way back, when we were nearly home, Piero had diarrhoea. So, it WAS him after all. I really don’t know how he fitted it all in his body in the first place!

The ‘culprit’ was a pine cone from a display we had had at Christmas. He’s been used to picking pine cones up in the pineta and thought this was the same. However, it probably had some ‘stuff’ on it that, I guess, wasn’t good for him.

Anyway, it all seems better this morning. We shall see tonight.

On the plus side, there was no damage done (that I could find), nor was anything ‘taken’. Let’s hope it continues!

The Last Day

I wake at 6.45. I need the bathroom and a drink. I toy with the idea of sleeping for another 45 mins instead. Or maybe longer. Longer, of course, I shouldn’t do. Longer means later and later means NOT doing what F wants to do.

Or, rather, what he says he wants to do. I want to as well but, then again, 6.45 is early and next week I’ll be getting up at 5.45.

Anyway, I need the bathroom and a drink and I get up. As I walk back to bed, F, who is just awake asks what time it is. I tell him. He asks if we should get up. I say that I suppose we should.

Today, being our last full day here and, so, the last day of our holidays (even if tomorrow is really the last day), we are going to the beach. The dog beach. We are better at it now, having been a few times. We don’t take so much but now it also includes two new balls that F bought. This is because Dino will only swim if you throw something into the water for him to fetch. We found this out last time we went when we found a broken tennis ball. The problem with the tennis ball was that, because it was split it sank rather than floated. These balls will float.

We park the car and the dogs have their leads put on and then jump out of the car. As we walk down the small lane to the beach, Piero is pulling – he can’t wait to get there. The lane turns sharply right and runs along the top of the beach. There is a small wall between us and the beach. Piero keeps trying to jump over it, he is so excited.

The man is there running a big rake thing over the beach, to clean it. We walk over the bit he hasn’t cleaned but hesitate before the raked portion.

He shrugs as if to say “well, you might as well go – someone else will go soon”.

We walk down to the shore and set our towels and things down.

The balls prove a huge success and Dino swims a lot. Piero is slightly fearful but, eventually, F persuades him to swim.

We leave after an hour.

And, after the pineta and breakfast and returning the dogs home, we are the beach. On our last day.

I think next week will be difficult :-(

Piero’s new trick!

The pinetta is an area, only a little way from the sea, that is a planting of pine trees. These trees, with their topmost branches, create a cathedral roof-like canopy which, whilst not creating dark, create shade. In fact, separated by roads and streets, it stretches along the whole of Marina di Cararra.

The wonderful thing about these areas is that they stay much cooler than outside them and, as a result, during the day, are full of people (mainly the elderly) socialising in a very pleasant environment. Quite shady and definitely cooler by some degrees.

In one, the most southern one, there is a dog area. A large dog area that is well fenced and cool and looked after by locals so that it is clean (of shit) although there is little grass (on account of the trees) and almost all dirt. I say dirt rather than earth as the top layer is like dust..

We go there most mornings and evenings. Dino loves it because it is large enough to throw sticks or pine cones that he can fetch; Piero loves it because it is full of other dogs, some of whom he loves to play with – playing until he is completely exhausted.

After the pinetta, we usually take a walk into the town and then back to the car. Sometimes, if we have time, we go back to the pinetta a second time. In any event, Piero always wants to go back to the pinetta and I have said to F that I am sure Piero would happily live there.

Of course, during ‘play’, he goes for the feet. Other dogs do the same, so I guess it’s normal.

With one of the dogs he plays with, Sofia, he has this thing about her tail and, when he is chasing her, he grabs at her tail and holds it until she stops, turning back on him to bite him back, as young dogs do when they play.

Today he found ears. Not only with Sofia but with one or two others as well. The beauty of ears is that once you have one of them in your mouth, your opponent can do little about it to stop you.

He’s a little bugger, really :-)

Secret things

Of course, I may be wrong.

Last night, I got home from the beach about 6.30. Almost immediately, I knew there was ‘something’. Piero had been chewing the newspaper I had left on the floor for him to pee and pooh on (not that he seems to need it). I have a theory about the chewing of newspaper – he only does it after he has been ‘disturbed’.

I went into the kitchen to have some milk as I am wont to do in this hot weather and noticed that the rubbish bag for plastic was not where I had left it. In fact, it was nowhere to be found. But when I opened the fridge I saw a bag had been left for me with food. Also the normal bin had been emptied. F’s mum had been in.

Yesterday, at the beach, F’s niece and boyfriend had come to the beach about lunchtime. I was eating my lunch – an ice-cream. I told them this and they laughed as I expected.

Today, she comes again and this time comes with a small tub of diced water melon for me. And she has tried to ring the vet.

I think they are all trying to look after me. And, I suspect, that F has something to do with this!

It’s kinda sweet, really, even if I don’t really NEED looking after. Still, we are in Italy and children stay children forever and, as I am F’s partner, I guess I qualify as a kind of surrogate child. Bless them.