It is true. Nothing in life is for free. This weekend was as busy as it could be. Saturday trawling around Junk Shops (often called Antique markets in the UK) looking for suitable furniture and Sunday, well, Sunday was a few things.

I had been ‘given’ a tall cupboard for the kitchen. Of course, it needed to be disassembled and then transported to my flat.

I am told that the man with the drills and screwdrivers will be there at 3 p.m.

Siamo in Italia – I plan to get there at 4. I arrive. The man with the tools has been and gone – gone to go home and get the tools. We wait in a virtually empty flat. And we wait. The man with the tools is helping move the final items as the cheap mover my friend chose has broken/sprained his wrist. Except the man with the tools cannot actually lift or carry anything as he hurt his back. If I had known he wasn’t going to be there with tools I would have brought my own screwdrivers. Bah!

He arrives and is let into the building. After 15 minutes he has not arrived at the flat (which is on the first floor).

I suggest that I go down to help. He is kneeling on the floor, just inside the entrance, trying to close the toolbox lid (I’m not sure why it was open anyway).

I go and help. He seems to be having problems closing the lid but sorts it just before I arrive. I offer to carry the box. He warns me it is very heavy. Now, I am not Mr Universe, in fact, quite the opposite. I wouldn’t want to carry it for 5 miles but it really isn’t that heavy.

I walk up to the first floor.

He starts to take down the cupboard. After unscrewing one screw, I take over. In fact, I then do most of it myself.

I start to carry it, piece by piece, to the car. I realise the sides and door will not fit in the car and allow me to close the boot. I curse my stupidity for not bringing rope/string.

The man with the tools suggests we try it in his car. It has the same length as mine so will be the same problem.

I put everything in my car. The man with the tools lent me some of those stretchy things to tie down the boot.

I drive home slowly – very slowly.

I know that my friend will be very angry that I did not stay to help with the other boxes – but I am now running very late and cannot stop. I make the excuse that my car is open and cannot leave it like that. Anyway, I’ve kind of lost patience with her. She expects everything for nothing. But I am a gay man and unaffected by her charms towards straight men. They simply do not work on me. And, I have already done enough for her to deserve the ‘free’ cupboard.

When I get home I curse the fact that a) I live on the third floor, b) the things will not fit in the lift and c) I live on my own with no one to help. But, I get the stuff into the flat and rush to have a shower before going out to dinner, as had been planned.

Earlier, I had to do some DIY. DIY is not my strong point, although, apart from some cooking, what is, I wonder?

However, DIY in any shape or form is not in my list of things I do. Let’s be honest, V did almost all the DIY; all the fixing of the house to make it right. I did the cleaning of drains, the garden, etc.

I need to put up the curtain poles I bought the day before. I start with the lounge. First I must go round to the old flat to borrow the drill from V.

I trundle round and he tells me what I need. I carry it home (along with a barrel of beer that really needs drinking – but not now, of course!).

I have to extend the ladders to their fullest. I don’t do heights either – but I have no choice unless I have bought the rods for nothing and will have no curtains.

I climb up the ladder with the drill. I drill. I try to fit in the rawl plug. I realise I have the wrong size drill bit. I climb down and fit a larger one. I climb up and re-drill. The rawl plug won’t go all the way in. But the way is blocked by a lintel or something.

The fixing ‘screw’ has a screw on the one side for fixing in the wall and a different screw on the other for screwing in the pole support – so that no fixing will be visible. So that you don’t ruin the thread for the pole support, there is a little cap that is screwed on to create a kind of screw head. I screw in the screw thing.

I find I cannot unscrew the head from the screw. I only have on pair of pliers so cannot do it.

I go back round to V’s to get another pair of pliers.

With two pairs of pliers it does the trick. Also, on the way back home I realised that my ‘super scissors’ would trim the rawl plug flush to the wall.

I have success! I fit the other one (which is much quicker, of course), fit the pole and the curtains. At last! I now have to fit the tie-backs and do the same thing for the bedroom!

The whole thing has taken several hours! Just for a curtain pole! I look at the mess and realise I must go to pick up the cupboard (see above).

I review the mess every time I go to the bedroom. I will be busy tonight!