Monthly Archives: April 2012

The burning question – suppository or not?

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I have mentioned, before, that Italians have things like colpo d’aria (fault of the air) and pain in their livers (which cannot feel pain) as some of the (very) strange illnesses.

What I haven’t talked about (because I didn’t know) was that they also seem to have strange ideas about cures.

The colpo d’aria, of course, can easily get to your neck which is why Italians like to keep their necks covered. Wearing a scarf is NOT a fashion statement but a requirement if you are to keep that nasty illness away (although it may well have become a fashion statement now, as well).

I’m sure, for the Italians, we, from the UK, are strange too.

Take suppositories. In the UK, no one would admit to taking them on the basis that the only things they are really good for are jokes.

For example, this:

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and gives him a prescription for suppositories.

“Take two of these a day and come back in two weeks”, said the doc.

After two weeks, the guy returns and the doctor says, “Well, how did that medicine I prescribed work for you?”

The guy says, “Doctor, for all the good those damned things did me, I coulda shoved ‘em up my butt!”

or this:

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

Suddenly the man screams, “DAMN!”

“What’s the matter?” asks the wife. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!”

The only things I remember having as remedies as a kid were bread with hot, sweet milk and special kid’s disprin.

Not so here, it seems. (Nor, for that matter in France). Here, apparently, suppositories are the cure-all and are given to kids as soon as they are able to ‘do it themselves’.

I must admit I am quite shocked. I mean I don’t know of anyone in the UK who would use one to, for example, cure a cough. But last night, I was assured, it absolutely totally cures such a thing and is much better than syrup or anything else.

Who knew?

These foreigners, they ARE strange people, aren’t they? ;-)

And, apparently, it burns a bit – hence the title :-D

I trip over the “rug” and break some bones

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God, I was so tired.

The alarm goes off and I am so asleep. I pick up the phone and press ‘snooze’. Or, maybe I did.

As usual, I lie awake wondering if I accidentally chose ‘dismiss’ instead.

But only half awake. F is curled up behind me cuddling me and I am warm and I think that if I did chose ‘dismiss’ it’s OK and, maybe, I could phone into work and say I was ill or something. Just this once. After I chose ‘snooze’ (or, maybe ‘dismiss’), he cuddles me tighter.

But I didn’t press ‘dismiss’ and, in what seems seconds but is, in fact, 5 minutes, the alarm goes again.

I get up.

I close the doors behind me and go to the bathroom and shave and wash and wet my hair – all the while sleeping still. I don’t shave properly so have to do a bit again. Dino, who always gets up with alarm, realises that this time we’re not going out (F will take him later) and stretches himself out by the bathroom door – front feet forward, back feet backwards – like a rug.

After I have my shirt on I wonder if I’ve put on deodorant but think I must have because I remember putting on cologne and it’s like a habit – deodorant first, cologne next. But I don’t really know and, right at that moment, couldn’t care less. God, I feel tired. But so tired that if I lay down I’m sure I would be snoring within a second.

I hadn’t put the full bathroom light on, only the one over the mirror. I switch it off and walk out to go to the kitchen.

Of course, even if I know he’s there, I am so sleepy that I forget that he’s there and so, I trip over the rug. The rug moves, of course, and as such I start to fall headlong towards the bread prover (a big wooden cabinet that I have which is rather unusual) and, of course, put my hand out in front of me to stop myself from crashing either to the floor or into the bread prover.

My finger tips made contact with the bread prover but such was the weight of myself that it bent my longest finger back and I thought I heard a crack.

I didn’t swear or shout or scream for I realised that I had known he was there and that it was entirely my sleepy state that had caused this.

But my finger hurt. In fact, it was difficult to hold things. My fingers (all of them) felt kind of numb.

And, now, as I write this, my second finger (my longest) still hurts so maybe I have broken it.

Or maybe not since it hasn’t really swollen up at all.

I will see how it goes.

I remember when my thumb broke, skiing. There wasn’t really anything they could do to fix it, it just had to heal itself. The same will be true of this.

So I wait to see if it will become swollen.

In any event, it is more difficult to type.

At least it’s my left hand and, apart from smoking, I don’t use it so much.

But damn anyway!

Early morning and a failing diet

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They are closed. I half expected them to be open. Not that it matters to me – I only walk past them on the opposite side of the road anyway.

I do keep meaning to go in and see if they have English papers but I have never done yet. This is an actual newspaper shop! You don’t see many of them in Milan. Usually newsagents are some temporary-looking, wooden affair on street corners or pavements. This is a real walk-in shop.

They are closed and it is cold. It seems like winter again. I have a T-shirt under my shirt and jumper and my winter, all-weather coat done securely up to the neck.

As I walk, I wish I had taken the woollen cap and worn it. I want to take out my gloves …. but don’t. It is April, after all.

It isn’t raining any more, which, I suppose, is some sort of blessing. Later, as I’m driving to work, the sky is blue – but so blue and beautiful. In summer, this would herald an unbelievably hot day.

But it’s definitely NOT summer yet.

I shouldn’t be up this early. I think I woke up because I was cold. Also because I got to bed quite early, maybe. So I woke at 4 something, was up by 4.30 and, now, at 5.10 (a good half an hour before I normally get up), I am out with Dino for our morning walk. When he knew we were going for a walk, he got just as excited as if it were normal time. He doesn’t care about what time it is – a walk is a walk is a walk, after all.

We don’t go to the dog areas. After yesterday’s and last night’s rain, they will be muddy pools, smelling rank, no doubt.

We turn up the street near them. Part of the street is dark, the street lights not working. It’s been like this for days at least. I wonder why they aren’t fixed.

Milan is incredibly quiet at this time in the morning. But not dead. A few vans doing deliveries; the odd person walking to work. If it were summer, it would be lovely.

By the time we get home, whilst it’s not really what you would call ‘light’, it is definitely ‘lighter’, which is good.

I do coffee, take the washing out of the machine, feed Dino and sit and have my coffee. I think to myself ‘Bet you’ll be late to work’.

I was. How did that happen?

I showered and tidied up a bit and then came to work.

I’m driving through the new Porta Nuova where the new buildings are, in fact, looking more interesting now. It’s here that I notice the blue sky. There’s a lot of traffic about for some reason. The sky makes a pattern of blue through the buildings. For Milan, they are very tall.

Later, as I am driving on the last few roads towards work, I see, in the distance, the Alps with the snow. Against the blue sky they look fabulous and I wonder if they’ve had fresh snow (whilst we had the rain). I’m also amazed what a difference it can make, this 40-minute drive. From tall, silver buildings with scraps of sky to the snow-capped mountains beneath the same blue.

I love living here (although I would like it to be a bit warmer).

On a slightly different note, I have, within a couple of days, failed with my ‘no alcohol until I go out’, not being able to resist a glass of red wine last night. :-(

And then, at lunchtime, G, the cook, asked if I wanted three of her meatballs. Well, I couldn’t really say ‘no’, could I? I mean, it would have been rude, wouldn’t it?

No, it’s not really going to plan at all.

Less, less, less – maybe that’ll work?

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The special ‘wine diet’ that I invented (well, at least talked about) isn’t really going that well.

Or maybe it’s because I am eating more? Or maybe it’s because I am older?

Whatever the reason, I have put on a lot of weight.

So, now I have decided that something must be done.

Today I had half the normal amount of pasta. I had less chips. More importantly, I didn’t have a bread roll which I’ve got into the habit of having with my lunchtime meal since it was really cold here over winter.

Well, it’s a start.

Maybe I can give up alcohol unless we go out? Then, when we DO go out, stick to my wine diet?

Of course, exercise would help but I’m not that desperate …….yet.

Being single again would work – but let’s not even look down that corridor, shall we? I think I could even exercise before that!

As an aside (although really this is all part of the problem), G, the cook in our canteen at work, now does a ‘surprise’ for me on Friday. This is because I really don’t like the fish or the omelet. Last Friday she did me something that was divine and probably her best ‘surprise’ to date. It was two slices of toast with a slice of boiled ham and some béchamel sauce, topped with grated cheese and then toasted under the grill. Like a luxurious ‘cheese on toast’ which, in any event, I am very partial to. It was so tasty that I can even taste it as I am writing this! So tasty for something that is so simple.

And, of course, at the weekend I ate far too much but with all the walking we did I think it cancels itself out. Well, that’s what I’m convincing myself anyway.

So, let’s see how the ‘less of everything’ goes. I’m hoping very well.

Not a walking holiday, as such.

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Even now, when I get up to walk somewhere, there is a twinge. Just at the side of my right calf.

Yesterday, it was my whole leg. I sometimes thought that my legs would give up on me as I got up :-D

It’s ‘cos we walked. And walked. And walked.

The weekend was wonderful. Dino was so tired at the end of it all that, by the time we arrived home, he hardly moved, staying in the kitchen for several hours.

We ate and drank and walked. Did I mention that walking bit?

The weather was, overall, kind although the wind was strong and cold on Sunday. Even if we sat outside to eat, R struggled a bit with the coldness of it – she being worse than me for hating the cold.

Still, the weekend was relaxing if tiring; fun if normal for when we go there. Sunday night we even sat watching Some Like It Hot on DVD! A great film with a simple story yet it ages so well.

3 days in a different environment with good friends and, wonderfully, Morgan who has to be the cutest dog in the world. His curly hair making his eyes look like those black, button eyes that you get with a soft toy dog and with a face that is both querying and antagonistic. He would make me want one of the same breed but for the stories I’ve heard – which are very amusing when he’s not your dog!

Even though I slept well each night I do feel like a weekend of sleeping would be perfect, right now.

It’s definitely cooler today, in Milan, but the forecast says it will pick up tomorrow or Thursday. I’m hoping it will be nice for our weekend away at the end of this month. We’re entering a busy period now.

Holidays in the North!

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I remember a birthday party, years ago. It was at the house of one of my sister’s friends (at that time we were communicating – V and she were in love with each other – in a platonic sense, that is. That’s quite obviously until they fell out – from when they hated each other). It was in the South East of the UK. Her birthday was in July, the 14th, I think. Anyway, mid-July.

She was going to have a barbeque. Seems reasonable, doesn’t it?

Well, yes, but this was the UK. A guarantee of good weather is not a given, even in mid-July.

In fact, on the day, it rained and was very, very cold. We had to wear jumpers and coats. Needless to say, the barbeque was cancelled. You can’t really have one when it’s about 12 degrees outside. And raining.

Summers in the UK! One of the reasons I wanted to come somewhere warm. Or, at least, warmer for longer, with some kind of guarantee.

Then, the year after we moved here, we were convinced by S&N to go on holiday together – to Austria. Look at summer brochures for Austria. Go on, take a look.

Just in case you can’t be bothered, I’ve done the searching and found some for you:

Isn’t it lovely? Look at the beauty of the lake and the wondrous blue sky! Who wouldn’t want to go there, eh?

The one above is very like the valley that we stayed in. Quite inspiring.

And these people, in swimsuits, sitting in the shallows of a lovely lake. The weather, so wonderful and WARM!

Except, of course, it wasn’t like that. It was more like this:

See those low clouds? Under them is rain. Solid rain. And cold. Very cold. Solid rain and very cold.

And when it wasn’t raining it was like this:

It’s no wonder it’s all so green. It looks quite bearable, doesn’t it? Well, it was still cold. But in any event, it was mostly like this:

To be fair, I did query it as a summer holiday destination to start with. I was told that, no, it would be fine. It would be August, wouldn’t it? And, to be fair, they did say that it was the worst weather they had had in years. And to be fairer, the week after we had left, they had massive flooding.

Still, you know, I swore that it was the last time I would be going ‘north’ for a holiday?

Except one should never say ‘never’, should one?

No, one shouldn’t. Otherwise you will end up doing the same again.

Which is what I shall be doing.

There is a fiftieth birthday party. And she is a very good friend of F’s. And so we shall be going to Vienna for almost one week. In May. Hmmmm. F has booked a flat so we can take Dino.

I shall pack jumpers and thick socks. And walking boots. And heavy coats. I shall be equipped for snow and stuff. And I shall pack one T-shirt just in case we have warm weather.

We go to the vet (and other things)

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I weigh it up in my mind. Emergency or not?

Of course, in reality, one day or two probably won’t make any difference but I am worried.

Just because I’m worried doesn’t make it a real emergency, though, does it?

No but I would absolutely hate for it to be my fault if something bad happened.

So, although it may not be an emergency, they SHOULD have been here and, so, it is an emergency and won’t wait for another day or two.

But let’s step back a bit.

I didn’t leave work early yesterday. Probably because of my undoubtedly-misplaced loyalty. In any event, I left ‘on time’. I parked and went to see about the tyres. The old, miserable guy remembered me. Or remembered the car. I booked. They keep the tyres in their store since I have nowhere to put them – and the store is somewhere else in Milan, so no doing it straight away.

Anyway, I don’t really want it done before Easter. I want good tyres for going up to the lake (for that is where we are going). If it rains a lot, the winter tyres hold the road better.

Then I go to the supermarket. Not my normal supermarket since I need soap and, therefore, I have to go to the horrible supermarket, Unes. It used to be my favourite supermarket until I found the meat wasn’t so good and they kept overcharging me for plastic bags, etc. Now I hate it. But they do the soap that I like and so I have to go there. I try to get round it as fast as I can, not only because I don’t like it but also because I have to take Dino to the vet.

I get my stuff and pay and leave. Back at the car, I put the shopping in and drive the few streets home. Of course, I am later than normal and so there is no parking in my usual street :-(. I drive around a bit and, eventually, park in a dodgy place – on a corner. Ah well, other people do it. Mind you, my normal parking is half-on the pavement in a street where it has a sign showing that cars will be towed away.

But we are in Italy and everyone does the same and, so far, mine has not been towed away. And nor has anyone else’s. So I park in a place that in England would be absolutely illegal and for which you would certainly find you had a big fine – if not that your car had been towed away.

I rush to get cigarettes since I am nearly out.

I rush home and change my shoes and take my tie off and off we go. I notice that Dino now has a cough as well. This is not good :-(

I feel rushed. And hot, even if it isn’t quite so hot. Spring is back with a vengeance – meaning it is cool and overcast and not really that nice. Milan is grey when it’s cloudy. More like Aberdeen (in summer :-) ) than a city near the Mediterranean!

Dino is a bit confused because although we start as normal for our early evening walk, we deviate.

There are a lot of people about which is why, normally, I don’t come down this street. Too many shops and stuff and the pavement is not very wide. It means Dino cannot wee as often as he would like.

As we approach the vet, I see that the shutters seem to be down.

When we get there I see it is closed. I check the opening times on the notice. Yes, they are supposed to be open. There is a motorbike outside and it may be one of the two vets. I try to call the vet number – the phone inside. It rings but no one answers. I look at the notice. There are two mobile numbers to call ‘in an emergency’.

Then I spot another, temporary notice. It explains that they are sorry but the practice is closed this afternoon. In an emergency phone this mobile number – one of the ones on the main notice.

And now we have caught up. I phone the number. I get the not-so-nice-vet. I explain the problem. He is sorry that they are not open. I humpf in my head. I am not happy. It’s a good job I hadn’t come home early especially to take him there. But I don’t say this. I explain he has what seems like a very bad cold.

He asks if he is coughing – except he uses the Italian word for it. Cough is a difficult word for Italians – unsurprising when you consider its spelling to its pronunciation. I explain that he wasn’t until this evening.

He asks if he’s eating. I say that he is – which he is. He says its a virus and common at this time of year. I think it must be Kennel Cough.

Anyway, he asks what I have left over from the time when we had Rufus – as we kept on having lots of pills for him. I say I don’t know and he says I should telephone him and he will advise if anything I have is good for Dino.

I rush home. The chemist will close in just over half an hour and if I need to buy something, I need to do it soon. Of course, I moved a lot of the bandages and plasters and stuff that we used to use with Rufus, into storage above the wardrobes. At least, I hope I did else I don’t know where they all are. And, of course, there’s the bathroom cabinet stuff. Some dog’s stuff might be in there.

I get the stepladder and find the stuff I am looking for in the second box I open. I get the stuff from the bathroom too. It goes onto the kitchen table and I make the call. I don’t have so much, to be honest. I thought I had more. Ah well.

The vet tells me that none of the stuff I have is any good and I must get this other stuff. He should have one pill tonight and one in the morning. Then I should phone him tomorrow. The stuff I am getting is anti-inflammatory.

I rush to the chemist. I get the pills. Dino has one. Or, rather, I shove it to the back of his throat and clamp his jaws shut, massaging his neck so that he swallows.

Last night I was really quite angry with the vet; for being closed; for not being there in MY emergency.

This morning, Dino is much better. He still has the occasional problem but is definitely more lively than the last few days. He didn’t cough at all this morning. And I didn’t get woken up in the night. But I shall take him to the vets this evening, just in case. I am not so angry with the vet now and, anyway, any anger is negated by the fact that the pills seem to have worked.

I just ain’t lovin it, innit? OK?

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Of course, I explain, English is an evolving language, as are most.

I try to explain that, even if ‘I’m loving your new coat’ can be heard (or something similar) everywhere in the UK, it doesn’t make it grammatically correct. A bit like innit, innit?

I then try to explain that inteligent people often take up these new ‘grammar’ forms in mockery.

But, then, at what point does the whole thing become a mockery as it becomes normal use?

I explain that I do it too (well, not so much with innit unless I’m trying to be clever). I use I’m loving something as if it were proper grammar. In fact, I wonder how many people in the UK would even know that I’m loving something is NOT grammatically correct. And, so, at what point does it pass into a well-known and well-used phrase?

I mean, this form of continuous verb has been used for ages already. When does it stop being bad grammar and just becomes grammar? And who decides anyway?

Like ‘And’ and ‘But’ to start sentences – terrible but justified by use?

Innit?

Cold to ‘Flu to something else?

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My body doesn’t seem to quite be with me, this morning. My legs seem as if they belong to someone else.

My eyes feel sore and, I think, if I were to look in the mirror, I would see them red and puffy.

I want to go home and go to bed. Not that I could. The cleaner will be in now.

And I know that when I DO go home, I have many things to do.

We are going away this weekend – as is usual for Easter. Tonight is my only really ‘free’ night and so I must get some things from the shops; arrange to have my tyres changed from winter to summer; take Dino to the vet.

The last one is a new thing, decided about 4 a.m. this morning.

I am now doubting (a bit) my thoughts I posted earlier about Dino suddenly becoming older and slower. Now I’m not sure that is the reason. Now I’m thinking it could be something else.

It really started the night before last. I heard some strange sounds coming from where he was sleeping. At first I thought he was having a dream but later, confirmed my thoughts, when we went out for a walk and he started again – on the walk. It seemed he had a cold.

Yet, when I am home and during the evening, he seemed alright. He had an ‘attack’ once during the evening.

The ‘attack’ includes him not being able to breathe properly and seeming to suck back the mucus in his nose and then swallowing it. It is all very loud. And sounds quite dreadful – but is just like a bad cold.

I wasn’t unduly worried. Although I couldn’t remember any of my dogs ever having a ‘cold’ before, I thought to myself that it must be possible. After all, we get them and the change in weather may be the key.

Last night F was awake and heard it. He asked me about it. I said it was just a cold. He said he would go to the chemist and try to get something for it. I said OK but make sure it was for dogs – our remedies are just too strong for dogs.

He said that I should take him to the vet. I said I would but only if continued for a few more days like this.

This was about 2.30 this morning after a particularly heavy ‘attack’ when F had got up and switched on the light which then woke me up, of course.

But then, lying there, not sleeping, I got to thinking that it was, indeed, a very strange thing, this ‘cold’. Not only had I not seen it before in my dogs but I couldn’t actually remember any other dogs catching a cold.

So, I thought to myself, what I would do is do a search on the Internet and see if a) they could catch a cold and/or b) what else it could be. I would do it this morning, at work.

Except that I couldn’t get it out of my head. What if something were really wrong? And after a couple more ‘attacks’, I got up.

I would check it now.

Of course, one must be careful not to read the Internet as gospel. One site said that, of course, dogs could catch a cold. Most sites said that, in the sense that we mean a cold, dogs did not catch colds but that it was something more serious.

So that would be no sleep for me then.

I nearly decided to stay at home and go to the vet asap – but then thought that that was quite stupid as nothing would happen in a matter of hours.

However, most sites suggested that the dog would need to be checked by a vet and so it is the thing I will be doing tonight as now, after F’s prodding me, I am a bit worried.

Probably, it is nothing much and a course of antibiotics will fix everything.

But you never know.

One of the causes of this flu/cold symptom is distemper. Although he has been fully vaccinated, one cannot be certain and his booster is due in May. So I have to go. Some of the symptoms include lethargy. Well, he’s certainly been a little lethargic. I put that down to his age and Rufus being gone. Maybe not.

Still, he seems to be eating and drinking OK.

But, you know, better to be safe than sorry, as we say? And I certainly don’t want to be sorry.

I told him this morning, as I woke him, that I would take Dino to the vet this evening.

Later he texted me and asked me why I was doing it when I had said I wouldn’t.

I said it was because Dino had kept me awake all night. There’s no point in worrying him too. I can do the worry for both of us and more.

But, truth be told, I feel like shit right now. I’m sure it’s a lack of sleep but the worrying won’t be helping. Maybe I will leave work a little early? Then I can take him to the vet earlier. Yes, maybe I will?

Piero (again)

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I’ve been kinda quiet on this until now. Obviously, even now, one must have some caution but, since it’s been confirmed, then I guess I can say it.

Heidi is pregnant! Hurrah!

But, who the hell is Heidi, I hear you ask.

Heidi is a Bearded Collie and it has been confirmed that she is pregnant.

The puppies are due at the end of April. They stay some 8 weeks with their Mum, which takes it to the end of June. Then about 3 weeks (and two sets of injections after that) and they can leave the house. This is just in time for our 3 weeks away on holiday. Perfect.

I have pre-booked a blue/black male.

His name will be Piero.

I am very excited :-)

Of course, that’s assuming everything works out OK.