I wrote this several days ago.
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It’s a stressful time.

It shouldn’t be – well, maybe it should be, but only for me.

So, the party is being held in the flat. There’s the buffet to organise, glasses, etc. We bought the booze but, now, it doesn’t seem enough so we might get some more.

The buffet will consist of some catered stuff and, just in case, some small bite-sized stuff that we’ve ordered from the bread shop. The cake has been ordered from our breakfast cake shop, as has the ice.

But then there’s the house. F is already talking to me about it. “This should be here”, “The table should be in the centre so people can walk around to get the food.”, etc.

And then there’s the cleaning. And the moving of stuff. It started after we got the booze on Sunday morning. Within a couple of hours, because I asked him a question, there was shouting and tantrums and the usual crap.

I cleaned the silver – as I do when he gets like this. And took the dogs out. And we haven’t really talked since because AS flew in from Vienna and was staying with us (with her daughter).

But I’m not stressed at all. Today, I’m ordering the glasses and the buffet. Everything will be fine.

Since I started writing this, some people have pulled out and I’m still not sure if FfC will appear or will only appear briefly (since she’s a friend of FfI and FfI will be determined to organise something to try and fuck it all up). But, it doesn’t matter. It will still be fine and I know that certain people will be there.

But, as you know, I’m a bit of a secret hypochondriac – so I keep wondering if I’ll even reach Saturday/Sunday? I feel “not quite right” which leads to, “perhaps this is the end and I’ll have a heart attack or something?” I know, crazy isn’t it?

Then I keep wondering if my mother will think about me on this day since she will, almost certainly, remember that I will be 60. Not that it makes me want to get in touch, so don’t take this the wrong way. It doesn’t change anything – it just keeps crossing my mind.

I just hope that F doesn’t get too snipey with the stuff beforehand – the cleaning (we’ve already had the one outburst, so I cleaned the silver), the organising, the arranging of furniture, etc. There was a moment during the silver cleaning when I almost wished I hadn’t bothered. But, I’m sure it will be fine.

As long as I don’t get drunk! But I have a plan ……

UPDATE: The buffet is ordered. Glasses are got. Pictures have been cleaned. Saturday will be tight (the dogs have to be cleaned as well, of course). But it will be OK, I’m sure. FfC is coming and, I’ve heard, FfI will be going away, so at least she won’t be trying to fuck it all up.