Category Archives: Experiences

I’m concentrating on practical stuff.

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Everything’s kinda a bit fluid right now.

Having made the ‘decision’ and then being unsure, yesterday afternoon made the decision definite. In the end, I broached the subject with F. He asked what we would do with the body. I said I would leave it with the vet. He said no, we should have the ashes because Rufus needs a tome. Well, when he said it it sounded like tome but in fact he meant tomb, of course. Still, it made me smile – inwardly since smiling outwardly would have been very incorrect – and neither did I, on this occasion, correct his pronunciation.

But, in fact, he doesn’t mean tomb either. I’m pretty sure that what he wants is an urn with the ashes. It’s a concession I’m OK with.

He also told me that, when it comes time for Dino, I am not to tell him at all but just do it. Of course, Dino, he wants stuffed! Anyway, that’s 10 years away so who knows?

We are in Italy.

I woke up about 4 a.m. and couldn’t sleep. I got up and researched pet cremation in Italy. Surprisingly enough, it’s not that difficult. I found two places almost immediately. They collect, do their thing and return the ashes to you.

So, this morning, after I had taken them for a walk, I went to the vet. I had questions. Do they do a cremation and return ashes service? How much does it cost? If not or it’s too expensive, can they keep the animal while the other service comes to collect? How much does that cost?

Yes, they can do it but it’s very expensive – €400. No, they couldn’t keep it but they would give it back for me (to carry home – which is not ideal – dead animals always seem heavier, somehow). Just to do the putting down would cost €100.

I come back home and check out the services I had found last night. Yes, one of them costs €200 (plus €20 for delivery of the urn). They need 12 hours notice for collection.

So, the end result was €400 or €320 (with me carrying him home). I’m going with the first. F said he would pay but I won’t let him.

Oh, yes, and they can only do it on Monday. So, I will have to take a day off work. Ah well, it has to be.

I am so much more tolerant with Rufus now. He’s been getting treats. I let him off the lead in the dog areas and he’s allowed to eat kakka if he wants (it makes no difference now), we walk always at his pace (except when crossing roads if I can’t help it). He is getting lots of patting and stroking. He has been a wonderful dog. But he stays very close now. I think he has had enough, if you see what I mean.

But, is it wrong of me, I am looking forward to getting a new puppy sometime in the near future? I say it’s for Dino, of course. But, I think, secretly, it’s for me too. And, maybe, it’s also a way to look beyond Monday? Yes, I think it’s that.

The vet doesn’t think it’s a good idea to bring Dino too. However, I think I will. I want Dino to understand that Rufus is not coming home. Otherwise, he will always look for him. Like he looks for F.

I’ve emailed V and I’ll do it again. But I’m not expecting any response. It’s OK.

And we get to spend the weekend with Rufus.

In other news, yesterday, I finally got keys to F’s flat. This is a) just in case he loses or forgets his and b) in case he needs me to go there for something if he is away. And, I guess, because he loves me. From Monday, someone is coming to stay at his flat so he will be staying with me – for a month or so. In reality, of course, it makes no difference since he does, more or less, stay here all the time anyway. Still, it’s good that he is, although I’m possibly not as excited about those two things as I would have normally been but I think you can understand.

Wonderful time and fantastic surprises.

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Well, I suppose I’d better start by wishing my faithful readers a glorious and happy 2012. And to say sorry for not posting over the festive period.

Christmas was, as expected, wonderful, even if I did wake on Christmas morning with what seemed like ‘flu. I ignored it. I felt much better by Wednesday.

So the highlights were:

The best present I got from F was not the vaporetto (steam cleaner) that F was so delighted with giving me but the snow globe with the pictures of the dogs inside. Don’t get me wrong, the vaporetto is wonderful but I think that if I tell you that F’s excited question (as if a small boy with a new toy) later on Christmas Day of ‘Shall we use the vaporetto now?’ you will agree that nothing more needs to be said.

V’s Dad phoned me on Christmas Day. It was such a nice surprise and I was speechless. They never phone. They hardly ever phoned when V and I were together and so it was such a wonderful ‘present’. His Mum phoned on New Year’s Day to wish me Happy New Year. So nice of them.

On Christmas Day we cooked together most of the morning and ate together most of the afternoon. I couldn’t have wished for anything better (well, I suppose I could have wished for no ‘flu – but I’m not complaining). We opened presents, we had fun.

Of course, not everything was perfect over the period. I learnt that he really doesn’t have patience and also that he really doesn’t like the fact that I won’t argue with him – but really! A light in the bathroom, overcooked lentils, not being able to fit the roasting net over the cotechino, not being perfectly ready in time for our New Year’s Eve guests – none of these things are actually important things. Well, not to me, anyway. The light in the bathroom deserves it’s own post. Oh yes, and in addition to the lack of patience and me not arguing, one could add that he doesn’t listen to me – but then, that’s not really new :-)

I know that, for a lot of people, they are glad to see the back of 2011 but not me. It was a wonderful year and one of the happiest I’ve ever had. I hope that 2012 will be the same both for me and for all you out there.

And, whatever else there may be, we will have candlelight.

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You’ve probably gathered from my posts that this year, this Christmas, is very different from the others. Among other things, although I will be doing some shopping on Christmas Eve, I have already done quite a bit.

Apart from the fact that I’ve certainly got the ‘Christmas spirit’, F has definitely got it. And that is making this period even better for me.

“I need candlesticks”, he said a few days ago.

“I have some”, I replied.

“No, not those. I need some short ones. And some candles”

I didn’t argue even if I have candles too. When he has an idea about how he wants something to be, it’s best to let him get on with it.

And so, last night, he came with bags. Bags of candlesticks and candles. Apparently, there will be a LOT of candles at Christmas.

We start with candlesticks. He showed me. It was a simple, couple-of-inches, glass candlestick. I liked it.

“I’ve got six of these”, he adds. And a ton of candles.

I’m not entirely sure of his idea but I think all six will be used.

And, he informed me, he had invited a couple round for New Year. And we invited another couple a couple of days ago. If everyone comes, it will be quite busy but neither of us expect that.

But, at least we’ll have candles everywhere!

Thank God or I possibly wouldn’t even be here!

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I’ve mentioned them before. The homeless people you see on the streets of Milan. The crazy woman with her designer gear (sort of); the black immigrants with nowhere to go; the old men with the beards or the disabled with no hope except to show off their deformity like they were in some 18th Century circus.

And I often think – there but for the grace of God go I – since I know it doesn’t take much to fall off the social ladder – no job = no home = no chances.

But, thank God or gods or whoever it is in whom you believe, I’m not there – otherwise I probably wouldn’t be there at all but, rather, six feet under.

A thought for those without the festive fun at Christmas or, more importantly, without their own home, for whatever reason it may be. Life isn’t always fair or just. But no one, surely, deserves to be without a roof over their heads?

Nightmares before Christmas

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“Did you lock the door?”

I don’t know why I had woken but I have my suspicions. I answered that I had, not knowing, really, if that were true but being pretty sure that I locked it when I came back from walking the dogs. Of course, I couldn’t get up to check it for that would highlight my doubts and, right now, even in my half-awake state, I knew that ‘doubt’ was not required nor desired.

“Did you hear that noise?”

This was moments later. I didn’t check the time right then but later I realised it was about an hour after I had got to sleep.

“Turn the light on”, he demanded. I did. “Do you want me to go and check?”, I asked. “Yes”, came the response.

I got up. “I’m coming with you”, he said.

I walked into the lounge and then the hallway, turning lights on as I went. The lights were for two reasons. 1 – just in case Rufus had done a pee and 2 – because F was frightened.

I had asked, just before I went to sleep – “Do you watch these [horror] films when you are on your own?”

“Never”, came the reply.

He makes me laugh even if I was up and about when I should have been asleep!

And, as a treat, a clip from one of my all-time favourite Christmas films :-D

R.I.P. Christopher Hitchins

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Christopher Hitchens has died at the age of 62 after suffering from cancer.

A great man – an incredible thinker of our times. Whilst you may not agree with every (or any) stance that he took, one had to admire the way he would argue his case against anyone.

I met him once – I mean that I met him to talk to – although the conversation was short and the situation quite strange. Later I saw him as the speaker at an event and enjoyed it very much. I am so grateful I was able to see him that time and wish I had had the chance to see him more.

I know he didn’t think much of religion (and, on that I can only agree with him) but, still, I say, Rest in Peace.

Gnocchi Fritti and the Tree

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He couldn’t wait until Sunday.

Friday evening we had been out at one of the shops’ Christmas ‘do’. His colleague insisted she take her partner so I was invited too. We went to a place a long way out of Milan, near the shop. It was fabulous. Gnocchi Fritti is one of those wonderful Italian foods that I had never heard of until I had lived here for a while. Pronounced knockey free-tee, it is a thin, deep fried dough so that it puffs up with air and resembles a very small cushion – a few centimetres square. They are deep fried and served hot. Once you have one you slice or pull it open and put in some lardo, salami or other meat and then eat it.

Whereas that might not sound particularly appetising it is one of the best ‘comfort foods’ I can think of. And, if the meat is particularly good, so much the better. In this case we were at the Trattoria Campanini, a delightful restaurant in Busseto. This was a special Christmas do and, therefore, menu. It included the gnocchi fritti (seemingly without end), three different pasta dishes, wine, water and desert. Mine was some chocolate mouse thing and was the best of all the sweets, although they were all good.

It had been planned that we would stay at a local hotel. Unfortunately, Milan had a traffic block on both Friday and Saturday so we had to return that night. However, it was a lovely evening and the guys and girls from the shop were really nice – a good crowd.

The next day, even if we had arrived home very late, we weren’t up so late at all. After the dogs and breakfast, F was itching to put up the tree. On the way home from walking the dogs he had bought some red crepe paper to cover the bucket.

So, the tree was put up. It’s a nice (actually perfect) size for the table it is on and the room in general. Then came the decorating of the tree. F, being a visual merchandiser (it used to be called window dresser – although he does more than that, of course), had already decided how it would look. It was to be, basically, red. The lights he had bought were white, the decorations mainly red. I had one set of red lights so they went on too. Then came the ornaments. He had bought special red ribbon to use to hang the ornaments. I did the threading of the ribbon for the ornaments – I’m not so stupid that I thought I could actually hang anything! :-D

There seemed (to me) to be an awful lot of ornaments going on – but in the end it did look beautiful. You can see why he does the job he does. Then there were lights (white again) to be fitted round doorways.

He used some of my (gold) stuff for the hallway – which had to be thoroughly cleaned first.

The flat really does look wonderful and is very festive. I am really looking forward to Christmas. He too as, not only is he pleased with the decorations, he is also planning the Christmas day menu! I tried to take photos of the decorations but have lost the cable to my camera. I will try to find it and post at least a picture of our glorious tree.

There is real disappointment in his voice.

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“Shall I take the bambini out for a walk?”

Although it already about 9.30, I feel I could stay in bed (and asleep) for several hours yet. Dino, in particular, is ready to go out. Has been ready since about 6, to be honest. But he’s very good – except when we are stirring. He puts pressure on you to get up. And F is right, of course, we SHOULD get up.

I say “Yes”.

“But I wanted to clean”. There is real disappointment in his voice. Really, the first question was not ‘shall I’ but rather ‘will YOU’. I.e. I should get up and take them out whilst he starts the cleaning.

I almost laugh. Instead, I reply that I’ll take them out. This pleases him.

And so it was that he spent most of the morning cleaning the lounge ‘very well’, as he would say. Things were moved around and moved out of the lounge and, to be honest, it looks a lot better and there is much more room now.

The tree, he says, we should put up on Sunday. Leaving it outside for as long as possible. That way, it won’t leave so many needles. However, yesterday he bought more baubles and some tree lights. “Why?”, I asked. “I have some already”. Apparently he is going to decorate big time. I know he is happy.

And him being happy makes me very happy. I think it might be a great Christmas.

Cleaning before we start.

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“First, we must clean very well the lounge”, he says, “and clean the pictures”.

“Oh God!”, I reply.

But, I don’t mind really. Milan is on holiday tomorrow. Italy is on holiday on Thursday and Friday most people have a ‘bridge day’. So it’s a very long weekend. He is, it seems, quite excited about putting up the tree and decorating it but, like everything in his life, the flat has to be thoroughly cleaned beforehand.

To me that would be putting the hoover over and a quick dust. For him it includes all the pictures on the wall and, I’m sure, the complete cleansing of every surface.

He brought a bag over last night. “There’s some nice things in here”, he says.

Later we look. There’s some ‘smelly’ stuff. There’s some of the disinfectant he uses for CD covers (probably for the pictures) and then there’s some insecticide spray.

“What have you got this for?”, I ask.

“I like it”, he replies, adding, “it’s for the sofa”.

He has to explain that one. “We never clean it properly”, he says, “and this will kill the little animals”.

I suppose I could have got upset that he should think the place has bugs or fleas (he asks, from time to time, if the dogs have ‘little animals’ – and is reassured when I say that I dose them every month for exactly this reason and that, no, they don’t) but I’m not. It’s his ‘thing’. It’s OK. It makes me laugh, especially when he calls them ‘little animals’ since I’ve never really thought of bugs or fleas as animals but, rather, insects.

And so I laugh instead.

I am sure everything will be taken down and cleaned and dusted, all corners will be swept and washed. everything will be done ………. by which time I will be far too exhausted to be bothered with putting up the tree!

Sigh.