He is at the back of the queue.  I have to squeeze past him to get the the two bags of dog food – which is all I want.  By the time I get back, he is still at the back of the queue but with a woman who, I assume initially, is his wife as he is has no basket.

They are talking.  eventually, due to the slowness of all operations, the queue edges forward.  He offers to let the woman go before him.  I see, then, that he is holding a toothbrush whilst she has a basket.  She declines but he insists, explaining that he has only the toothbrush to buy but also only has a large denomination note.  I see it, wrapped round the toothbrush.  My knowledge of large denomination notes being a bit hazy (if only I were so rich!) I suppose it is €200 or something since it is not the orange of the 50 nor the green of the 100.

When she reaches the conveyor belt she unloads her shopping but, just before the cashier starts putting it all through, she gestures to the man behind (who is immediately in front of me) to say that he only has the one thing and he should go first.  There are a few moments that must have been something like – ‘No, it’s OK, you carry on’ – ‘No, you only have the toothbrush’ – ‘But, really, it’s OK’ – ‘No, I insist’, etc, etc.

He hands the cashier the toothbrush and she rings it through.  He proffers the note, unfolding it at the same time.  I see now that it is a €500 note!

The cashier says she can’t take it.  He mumbles something about it being all he has.  She says he has to go to the main desk or, because there is some sort of strike, to the only other cashier who is wearing a white coat.  At this point, with all the time wasted, I am hoping that the other cashier is wearing a white coat so that she can take me away before I kill him, the woman who let him go or the cashier – or, all three!

He asks if what he should get is change and the cashier replies in the affirmative.  She cancels the operation and serves the woman in front whilst the man wanders off.

The cashier completes the woman’s shopping and tells her how much it is.  The woman is still putting things in bags.  She is slow.  Instead of offering the money so that things can move on, she continues to pack as if she is deaf and has not heard the cashier ask for money.

We wait.  Eventually, she has finished the packing of things into bags – two bags when it would easily have fitted into one.  The bill is €11 and something.  She hands over ten Euros.  She then proceeds to dig around her bag for her small purse with change.  It is the tiniest purse I have seen and black.  No wonder it took her five minutes to find!

She takes out all the change and proffers it to the cashier with an open palm.  The cashier takes two Euro and gives her the change.

It’s my turn.  Except the man with the toothbrush returns.  He excuses himself and I grunt.  The cashier rings up the toothbrush.  It is €2 something.  He comes out with the smallest note he had been given – €50!

This she can accept but she asks for the change as they do here – i.e. the few cents.  He explains that this is all he has.  I seriously want to kill them all at this point.  I want two bags of dog food FFS!

He pats his jacket and trousers in a show of ‘Look, I really have no money’ and then, as if by magic, puts his hand in one pocket and brings out some change!  I am gobsmacked!

He offers the change to the cashier.  She explains that, by giving him €3 in coins, it is not necessary to use the €50 note.  She takes the €3.  At this point, if there HAD been something else I am almost fairly certain that I would have killed everyone.  So, all this time he actually had the money, more or less, without needing to resort to using/changing the €500 note nor holding up everyone with long explanations of why he was using a €500 note when in fact he didn’t need to use it at all.

As I say, Siamo in Italia (sorry Lola, Pietro et al).