Still more posts, half-written, not finished, not posted.

Still nothing to say.

But that’s not the real reason. The real reason is something different. I knew it was coming. I’ve known almost since this time last year but I had hoped for something different; an alternative solution. I hoped.

And, as usual, in hoping, I hid it all from myself. And, any time now will be ‘the shock’. The expected shock; the inevitable shock.

And, even if it’s inevitable and expected, it’s still a shock.

But I need to get a grip and actually DO SOMETHING about it. There are things I can do; things I SHOULD do. And I must do for I have no choice now given that the things I was hoping for (vain hopes; stupid hopes) didn’t turn out to be quite as expected. Damn!

I did, however, do the thing that Lola helped me with and on Wednesday I go back. Either it will be a nice birthday or not but I think it will be nice. Now, if it isn’t nice that would be a real shock.

So I can do the one thing but not this other.

Even writing this is not what I should be doing. I should be writing something else.

I need to get a grip!