I don’t.

Well, there was that one time, back in May last year. You know, Karl Spark and all that.

Then there was the time about 22 years ago.

It’s not that I am so controlled it’s just that I try to make sure it seems that I’m in control, whatever mixed-up, messed-up, emotional crap I may be having a battle with inside.

For example. Anger. Sure, I get angry but, generally, you’d never know it. And if I get angry, I always wait a little for the anger to subside before doing anything. I can seem angry at the drop of a hat and do this sometimes. It has the right effect. But, actually angry and showing it – not if I can avoid it.

I find it difficult when others around me show too much emotion. Crying for example. I don’t know what to do. Do I hug them? Do I place a hand on them? Do I tell them not to worry; that everything will be OK? Do I tell them to get a grip?

No, emotions I don’t do well. Better, by far, to avoid (theirs and mine).

Which is why the current situation is so difficult. Hmmmm.

I am frightened of going and losing control; of becoming caught up in the emotional thing; one might say – ‘of being human’. No, I don’t like that idea at all.