Daily Archives: 10 March, 2011

More or less, God

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In this case it was as I got out of the shower.

Usually, these crazy thoughts occur when I’m under the shower.

A realisation came to me. It was, kind of, about my father but it could be anyone. And, in some way, it was about me. No, not in some way. It WAS about me. It was a bit like a waking dream, dreaming whilst I am awake which, in any case, is a mute point since, at that time in the morning, there is a blurring between being fully awake and fully asleep.

Anyway, back to the point of this. I realised that, those people whom we put up on a pedestal and think that they ‘know’ everything are, in fact, like me. I mean to say, they may know something or some things really well and in depth – but they don’t, in spite of what we think, know everything.

When you are a child, your parents are like gods. They know everything. Except, of course, they don’t. They know more than you. That’s really not difficult. As you grow older and learn more, you start to question their knowledge, their experience. Or, at least, I did. I also questioned their values since my experiences and my knowledge suggested that their values weren’t shared by me, aren’t shared by me.

Their place is usurped by others – who, again, know more than you. Until your increased knowledge and experience makes you realise that, in fact, these new people don’t really know more than you, have not really experienced more than you. Or, rather, may have experienced more than you but in different ways or have different experiences. People’s knowledge on certain subjects may be more than yours. That doesn’t make them god-like.

And then you get to my age and you realise that no-one knows like you do. They may know more than you do about a thing but in something else they know less. They may have experience in some things but they don’t have your experience.

In fact, no-one has your knowledge and your experience. How can they? It doesn’t matter who they are.

This fact does not make you a god either. Unless we are all gods, in which case it does.

But, it’s an interesting change in perspective.

It doesn’t mean that other people don’t deserve your respect. Indeed, in my opinion, all people deserve your respect as they have knowledge that you don’t and have experienced a different life to you. It doesn’t mean they can’t lose that respect if they turn out to be idiots or jerks. But they deserve a reserved respect …… just in case.

Of course, as I stepped out of the shower and dried myself, all these thoughts I have written down didn’t fill my head, exactly.

No, what I started thinking was that I didn’t know everything and hadn’t experienced everything and that’s how it must have been for my father when, at the age of 5 or 6, I thought he DID know everything and HAD experienced everything. And I wondered if he thought the same as I, even when I was thinking he was, more or less, God?

Black Swan

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I watched Black Swan, in English. This is another ‘just in case’ thing. F has mentioned that he wants to see it – and that would be in Italian.

To be quite honest, I had read some reviews that didn’t exactly praise the film. And, anyway, ballet is not really my thing, even if I did treat V to the ballet at La Scala some years ago and, surprisingly, quite enjoyed it. I guess ‘live’ is different, as it usually is.

So, although I didn’t particularly want to see it, I thought it better to watch it in English first.

First I had to get it from work to home which proved a little more difficult than I thought it would. Then, at home, I couldn’t get it onto the Mac but had to put it onto the laptop. The resulting CD had no sound on the Mac. Nor on the laptop! So, a couple of night ago, I sat and played the original file through the laptop.

This is not ideal. The picture quality is good but not as good as on my Mac. The sound quality is not really good at all. Very tinny, as one might expect. And, of course, I was also doing other things on my Mac so found I had to rewind a bit a couple of times.

It was an ‘interesting’ film. However, to me, it seemed as if it didn’t quite know what it wanted to be. Was it a would-be horror movie, a psychological thriller or a movie about relationships? It was, in some ways all three – but in trying to cover all three things it failed to cover any of them well.

The relationship and development of the mother’s character could have been much better; the complexity of the relationships could have been clearer; the development of the other dance characters would have been useful, if only for comparison with the ‘star’, to see that she was different.

I don’t want to give anything away in case you intend to see it.

For me, I would say I was right not to want to go and see it as it left me with a feeling that things had been missed. Of course, that could have been because, whilst trying to see the film AND work on my Mac, I actually missed things :-)

Still, as I say, it was interesting. I will watch it again but I won’t be too bothered if F doesn’t want to go and see it in the end.