Tag Archives: Online Dating

Fetishes and sex.

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My plan was that I was going to document my testing of the online dating thing. This was all well and good but that was based on the fact that I wasn’t looking for ‘just sex’.

However, last night, after several emails and a phone call, ‘just sex’ might be on the cards – this, rather cute, guy has a particular fetish which, although I am aware of it, I have never seen ‘in action’ so to speak. It was irresistible and so, unless he just prefers thinking about it in his head (which may be possible and I am also aware that does happen – a promise of something that ends up being just a tease), we are due to meet tonight.

I don’t understand it nor would it turn me on in any way – but if it turns him on then, this, I just have to see for myself.

Now, this, I really can’t blog about here and so, I’m thinking of starting another blog just for this purpose. What d’yall think? >Answers on a postcard (or in the comments section).

I promise that, when it involves lurve I shall post here as that’s about romance and learning about one another in many ways.

Meat Markets

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Meat_Markets

I was never really a fan of gay bars, discos or clubs.  When I was younger I was (now that I look back) quite a ‘pretty’ boy.  Unfortunately, I never fully appreciated the significance of this, struggling as I was to a) fully come to terms with who I was and b) being fairly crap at meeting people and forming some sort of lasting relationship (I have been very, very fortunate in my life, I do know this).

The problem with the ‘gay scene’ is that it is, more or less, like a meat market.  The young(er) guys waltz around showing off their wares’ whilst the older guys stand to the side and eye them up.  Then, if they are really attracted, they may make a move – but, let’s be honest, it’s nearly always purely for the sex; the good looking guys, generally, airheads (as it is in the straight world, I guess) and the more intelligent guys looking, well, more geeky and, certainly less attractive.

Since I had a little intelligence, I always thought of myself as one of the geeky ones.

I know, I know, this is all generalisation.  Not everyone is like that.  But it did ‘put me off’ the scene quite a lot and, apart from a few years at the start with M and then at the end of M and I, I didn’t really do the scene.

And, now that I am exactly one of the older guys, I certainly do not want to be doing it again.

And so, given that there must be other guys my age who think the same (although that may not be true, of course), I thought I might try the on line stuff.

So far, I’ve signed up to two sites.  I have a small problem here.  I don’t actually have any ‘gay’ friends (here, anyway) and, therefore, don’t know the etiquette involved.

On one of the sites, there are opportunities to ‘wink’ at one another.  Now, for me, this means that you think the other guy is attractive (in a variety of senses since my photo hasn’t been ‘approved’ yet so no one can ‘see’ me – only what I like, am like, etc.).

But does this, on the gay on line dating scene, mean something else?  If so, why the hell is someone from New York winking at me?  What possible purpose could it serve?  Should I wink back or not?  I mean to say, I am not going to be travelling there to see if we ‘get on’, stuff that for a lark!  So what was the point?  I am certainly NOT looking for pen friends (I have enough problems keeping in touch with people that I know well, as some of you may know – what with me being a typical English bloke and all).  So I don’t really get it at all.

As a result of the ‘winking’ thing, I’m now a little concerned that, given the sexual promiscuity on the scene in general, that, should I meet someone, they will expect sex that moment, which is certainly not what I want (hell, for that I can just go down the road)

So, do I make that plain from the start?  If we get on and I am sexually attracted to them then maybe but not immediately I clap eyes on them!

My worry is that this is just another facet of the same scene – another meat market.  One of the sites I purposely did not go on is, more or less, used for one-night stands (so to speak), apart from other reasons which I won’t go into here.

So, here I am, already invited down to the southern(ish) part of Italy; being winked at every five seconds; emailed; looked at; scrutinized – I’m not at all sure that I like this much.  However, there’s a life to get on with so it has to be.  At least, on these sites, I can be certain that they are men looking for men, which is a huge step forward, I suppose.

And, who knows, maybe I’ll meet some really nice people (they can’t all be camp, screaming, psychotic, axe-murdering, weirdos, can they?) and make some friends?  And, maybe it’ll be fun finding out.

I have to be honest and say that my limited experience indicates that the French and Spanish seem more into this on line thing and, looking at the photos, maybe I should be moving to one of those countries for they are hot’ – see there’s my gay superficiality coming out again.  Damn.

Incurably romantic

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Incurably_romantic

Best Mate and I are friends for unknown reasons.  This is what we decided when we were chatting.  We have nothing in common, really, except, perhaps, some slightly strange sense of humour.

We also decided I was an incurable romantic whereas she is, most certainly, not.  And I am incurable because, quite simply, I do not want to be cured!

We would do opposite things when it comes to men and what to do with them; how to react to their actions (or non-actions); what to expect from them.

Of course, these differences are based on our experiences which are not even remotely similar.  She was led down a long, windy, garden path a few years ago by some asshole; I have only been down that path by making it up in my head and not through the antics of some bloke.

So, still, I expect a bloke to be, more or less, honourable, true and reliable which is, for most of the time, what I get.  I expect a bloke to fall in love with me easily and quickly and forsake all others.

Of course, with the exception of V, I have had close relationships with these men before we actually got to the ‘being together’ bit and V has, somewhat, spoilt my expectations, which I fully appreciate.

However, when it comes down to it, Best Mate doesn’t want to go through all the shit of having a bloke and I do (I mean, I’d rather not, but needs must, as they say).

And so, I have decided to do something about it.  After all (and certainly in this country, as I can never spot them in spite of what Ico might say – unless they’re the type I don’t like), they ain’t gonna be picking me out as I walk down the street and instantly falling in love with me, so I guess I have to do something to show I am available.  Given that I really can’t be one of those blokes over 25, standing on the edge of the dance floor, looking only at those who are under 25 and wishing (and, anyway, I don’t want someone who is so young, even if they were interested in me) or in some pub on my own, it will have to be some other way.

I’ll let you know how it works out (if anything does work out) but I have, at least, started one thing so we’ll see.  I can’t just sit around in the flat, however nice it is, as they certainly won’t be finding me here!