Daily Archives: 5 February, 2010

I just CAN’T do this…..

Posted on by
2

Please put this on your status if you or someone you know is gay. My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that being gay is not a disease or a choice – people who are gay are not looking for a cure but for ACCEPTANCE and EQUAL RIGHTS. Will you make this your status for at least one hour?

I absolutely HATE chain letters, chain emails, etc.  And, for me, this is the same thing.  It was a post appearing as one of my Facebook ‘Friends’ status.

Now, what to do?  The thing is that nearly everyone at least knows someone who is gay.  Therefore, they should put it on as their status.  If they don’t, then what does that say about the person?

But, really, what difference will it make?  And, really, this is not a perfect world and there are more things to worry about than whether I have exactly the same rights as everyone else.  Yes, I know I should have and yes, it would be nice to be in a perfect world where I am recognised as equal to everyone else – but this is not a perfect world and I really don’t want to put it on my status for all my FB ‘Friends’ to feel at all guilty about not having put it on their status – lest they should offend me.

And, maybe, that’s what I find annoying?  It wouldn’t offend me if they didn’t but perhaps I would look and be somewhat ‘upset’ that they didn’t?  But, why should they?  And why should I put them in that position in the first place?

And, although I want equal rights (because, well, why not?), I’m certainly not looking to force people to accepting me.  It’s a free world.  As long as they don’t do me any harm, if they don’t want to accept me then that’s their right.  And, anyway, forced acceptance is really no acceptance at all!  Education is the key (or bad education is the opposite – one or the other – or both).  I don’t accept bigoted people or racist people and the thought that I should be made to accept them fills me with horror.  And, even if they ‘made me’ accept them – I wouldn’t really….at least, not in my head.  And, if that’s the case, then where is the acceptance?

And so I won’t put it up.  Unfortunately it may turn into one of those viral things like the ‘looking up your name in the urban dictionary online’ – which, amusing though it may be, became a little annoying after seeing it for the fifth time within a few hours.

I worry though that my FB ‘Friend’ won’t understand why I haven’t put it up?  But there’s not a lot I can do about that unless I try to explain – but no explanation really explains it.

The honeymoon is over

Posted on by
7

Well, nearly.

I think he was a bit pissed off that I went to A’s place last night.  But, then, if he won’t give me some sort of plan, what does he expect?  I mean, I wait at home and don’t know – is he going to the new flat tonight or not?  If he goes to the flat then he won’t be at my house until after 10.

And so, last night, when he arrived about 11.30 he said that he wasn’t going to go to the new flat originally but because I was on my way to A’s he decided he would go.  If he had told me, before, like the day before, that he probably wouldn’t go then I wouldn’t have accepted to go to A’s place.  And, even if he had called me a few hours before I could have got out of it, having been to the dentist yesterday.

But, maybe it’s good that I’m not always available.  But, maybe I should tell him the whole story so that he knows to be a bit more planned with me.

So, he arrived last night and came straight to bed.  He said that, on Saturday, he would go and buy a piumino (duvet to us).  They only buy thin ones here since there are only a few months of real cold.  He added that once he had that then next week he can spend a couple of nights at his place.  He probably means ‘we’ but I shall check in any event.  I try not to be too invasive.

However, it’s interesting that he suggests only a ‘couple of’.  Again, last night, he wanted Dino to be lying on the floor at his side of the bed and was really happy when he was.  And we cuddled for a bit and I thought – ‘OK so as from Saturday night he doesn’t live here any more’ – but it’s not like I didn’t know it was coming and, in some strange way, he never really ‘lived’ at my place – even if he stayed every night.

And, although it seems like we have been in this situation for ever, it’s only been a very short time.  Next week it will have been 4 months since we first met.

A asked me last night if we had really ‘talked’.  I said we had.  He asked if F had told me all my faults.  I laughed and said I didn’t have any.  Later as we were curled up and about to go to sleep, I told F.  He said ‘Do you want the list?’.  It was a joke.  I replied that I was surprised there was anything but, yes, give me the list.  He refused saying that this was what being together was about and that there were always things as there would be for me, about him, but that we just live with them.

He said we would definitely go out for a meal on Saturday.  The other night we looked at the flights to the UK to go to D’s wedding in July.

The honeymoon is over and now starts the long haul to a place that is, as yet, is undefined, uncertain – a place that is shrouded with the mist of the future – there but without form or substance.

I wonder if what we both want is the same.  Yet he said, before we met that, we all want the same thing.  I hope that’s true.

I have experience

Posted on by
Reply

Of course, it’s just a feeling.  But, you know, given the experiences I have, I think it’s not irrational.

I feel I’m about to be well and truly screwed over.

And, if so, then that will be that – finito.

And, that’s not what I wanted.

Add to that the saga over something else and I’ve really had enough.  I mean, don’t say ‘You can have this’ and then, later, when the job’s almost completed say ‘But I may want it back and if I want it back then you can bring it back’.  I just lost interest at that point which is why I have half.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to go away and now I want what I do have (which is only part) out of my house.  But that means that I shall be doing it on Sunday, by myself again.

You may have wondered why I have the Tag and section – Friends and Inimies.  Because Friends can be as much Inimies at times, seeming to want to fuck you up.

But, then, these things are only to be expected.  I have experience.