Sometimes I get confused

There’s another post that I had part-written that should precede this but, then, that’s the way the blog goes.

Last night I was tired (see next post, probably) but I went round to his place anyway.  He was watching a TV spectacular on Mina.

Actually, on that note, I must say how amusing I find it with some Italians when they mention some famous singer here and when you say you’ve never heard of them they can’t quite believe it!  They seem to think that, if some person has had numerous hits in Italy, then the whole world should know.  In the case of Mina, the first time F mentioned her and I said I’d never heard of her he was aghast.

‘But’, he said, ‘she was mentioned by [insert internationally famous singer here] and [insert another internationally famous singer here] said she was the best singer in the world’.

It’s difficult to explain that, if they are really, really lucky, they might have had one hit in the UK or USA, if they only sing in Italian.  Anyway, it was Mina’s birthday a day or so ago and hence the TV spectacular.

His TV is in the bedroom so I went and lay on the bed with him.  He seemed so pleased to see me, kissing me and hugging me.  Later, when I got into bed (and he did too) he cuddled me and kissed my back. Not that we can do that the other way around.  And, anyway, he was still watching the special.

I went to sleep, no dreams and only waking once for a short time.  Today he called me as he was booking the flights for the wedding.  He likes to ‘take charge’.

I thought he was just doing this wedding thing to keep me happy but he seemed really happy about it.  And we get to go to the UK.  I thought he wasn’t so keen on the whole thing and certainly not when it was going to be for almost a week but then, suddenly and without notice, he surprises me by actually booking the flights!

I guess I should be happy and I am but there is this thing that I’m never quite sure if he feels the same way; if we really are together.  Like last night when he seemed so very pleased to see me and, yet, if I were to make the move first he would say ‘Not now’ or ‘I’m too hot’ or something to make me stop.

Yes, sometimes I get confused.

How to find a new job

Here, in Italy, it seems to be all about people you know.  Certainly, A, who is currently looking for a new job, finds it much more difficult because his family are not from this area and his network of people is smaller.  Therefore, his search is made more difficult.

In the UK, of course, it doesn’t work like that.  Or, does it?

Certainly for the more menial of jobs, the lower end, the starting, it may not work like that.  Higher up, except for public office, it probably does, more or less.

So, if I was to go back to the UK and start to look for a job, almost certainly, the first thing I would do is tell all my friends in the hope that, one of them would know someone who was looking for someone like me.  For someone who is looking for a very well paid job in the private sector it is exceedingly difficult.

If you are currently in a position but know that, soon, you will be, in effect, redundant you need to make discreet enquiries.

And, should you be lucky enough to have an informal discussion with the potential new employer, it is, of course, important to sell your skills and abilities and bring your best attributes forward.  So, if you have a particular skill that is very relevant to the job in question, you would try to show the potential employer how your skill is better than anyone else’s.

This becomes more difficult if you are talking about a soft skill and you will be a consultant.

If I were going to an English company, trying to tell them how my Italian experience could help them, for example, I might say that my Italian is pretty good.  I might also tell them how I have a number of contacts in the field in which they were working and how I might call those contacts to help me to help the new company to gain more business and more market share or, if they were looking for suppliers, how I could get special prices or a particularly good service or something.

Of course, all this would be ‘off the record’.  And, to be honest, I could not come with guarantees – but I wouldn’t be telling them that – and, anyway, they should know that.  I would only be affecting introductions to the people I know.  It would then be up to them to make those contacts work, to sell the company (although, of course, I would help with that).

What I wouldn’t do is to wait until I was redundant and then try and hawk my round potential employers.  That would be madness.  And, if I didn’t find a job quickly, the contact list may go a little cold.  No, far better to look for a job whilst you are still employed in the old job.

It all seems very reasonable, yes?

Then why, I ask, is it quite OK for everyone to do that type of thing except politicians?  Politicians, let’s be honest here, live in an unreal world and invariably have very little real-world skill except the ability to speak and convince people of their ideas.  They are, in fact, like salesmen.  Knowing nothing of real value except, perhaps, they do have a lot of mates in places of power and influence.

When they become unemployed, what the hell do they do for a job?  And certainly, a job that will pay them the sort of salary they and their families are used to.

And this latest craze for setting up a ‘sting’ to trap current politicians into saying things we would rather they didn’t – like, I’ve got a lot of good mates in a position to, maybe, help you with government contracts, etc. – is really out of order.

We expect them to behave like angels whilst in office (which is unrealistic anyway, since they are only human beings) but to expect them to be perfect once they know they will be leaving and to NOT use their contacts to help them with their ‘next life’ seems more than unreasonable but completely stupid.

I’m not a fan of politicians.  The days of altruistic men and women, going in to the government to make this world a better place seem long gone (although, probably, it was never thus).  They seem a more sleazy, corrupt bunch of people than one finds outside their crazy world but this latest attempt to ‘out’ them seems unjust and simply a media trick to sell more newspapers or get more TV viewers.

You know, there’s those sayings about throwing stones and glass houses and things.  I wonder when this will all come back to haunt the people doing the throwing?

It doesn’t mean a thing

19/03/10

This is a ‘no smoking’ country for sure. Probably even worse than the UK.

The upside being that I have smoked far less cigarettes than normal. Even, at one time I found myself not needing one! And that was after several hours of not having one!!

That doesn’t mean I shall be giving up soon though. Just that, for that moment, it did cross my mind.

The Show

19/03/10

I wish I could feel differently but I can’t. I hate being on customer site. It’s like I have to put on a show – it’s like being on stage and I don’t actually relax at all.

As a result I am tired; exhausted. Even with my colleagues I feel it is a show.

Of course, it doesn’t help that my private life remains so private. But that’s my choice really.

Customers are even worse from that point of view. They talk about their family, their houses, their vacations; I don’t. It’s not because I am fearful of letting something slip because I don’t really care that much, it’s just that it makes it all such hard work.

So I feel more alone and the show becomes a 24 hour thing for however many days it is. Not that most people would care one way or another but, you know ……

Still today is the last day. Tomorrow there is only the flight back and then I am free. I am free and able to be with the man I love and the dogs.

I am so looking forward to that.

Bored

18/03/10

I am, not to put too fine a point on it, bored to f*?!.

I knew it would be so. I watch the engineers talking and working but am also amazed by the amount of them that are also standing or sitting around doing very little.

We seem to have to wait for everything. Always. I hate being in this situation – where you must wait for someone else to do something. And this is my job now. I can’t actually do anything at all.

Only half a day has gone/passed. So only a quarter through. There has to be more to life than this and, of course, there is. Meanwhile, at least F enjoys his even if he works long hours.

Cold; snow.

18/03/10

There is snow, deep snow, everywhere. They say that this is not normally the case. By now, apparently, it should all be gone. But it’s piled deeply at the sides of the road and paths.

Last night, as we walked around the old town part of the capital city we were so cold. It was so cold. It was worse, even, after dinner and so we just went back to the hotel.

Anyway, I’ve been here before when it was somewhat warmer and so I didn’t need to see it again.

The meal was good. The service nice. The prices high.

Still, I couldn’t live here even if, for most of my teenage life it was my dream to come and live here! I say that but, of course, I could live there, if it was really necessary.

But, then, I already live in the place I want to live.

Not a politically correct post but it’s my blog (and it’s the truth).

We are all equal. We have equal rights to everything, including jobs. There should be no discrimination.

Except that isn’t really true. There are complaints that models are too thin. But, having been to a show, it would be insane to have 20 stone, 5 foot high models. There’s the space, there’s the clothes, there’s the look. I mean, you tend to clean your house if you’re trying to sell it, don’t you. after all, you want it to be seen in the best light possible. In the same way, you can’t have jockeys who are 6 foot tall and weigh 20 stone.

So there are reasons. For people who don’t fit the physical requirements, they may feel discriminated against – and they would, of course, be right. So, should we really complain? And at what point do you draw the line between practicality and true discrimination?

On our flight was a rather larger than normal, uglier than normal, steward/stewardess. Ugliness or beauty is in the eye of the beholder and our idea of beauty does change over generations/centuries. And although it really doesn’t matter a great deal, we all prefer to be served by someone with a pretty face, wouldn’t we?  However that wasn’t really the issue.

The size was more the key. It’s bad enough, when you have an aisle seat to be constantly buffetted by large-assed people going to and fro but to have stewards/esses like this is inconsiderate by the airline and yet, no doubt, they are trying to stay within the regulations regarding employment discrimination.  For me, being in an aisle seat it made the flight more uncomfortable.

For certain this steward/ess ain’t going to be appearing on and advertisements for the airline. It would hardly serve them well in spite of all we may say about discrimination being all wrong.

Travelling to the North Pole – and other bits and bobs

I hate travelling.

Well, that’s not really true.  The actual travelling I don’t mind so much.  I hate the bit where you have (as in this case) half an hour before you get the taxi or whatever.  If I were going on my own, I would get a taxi now and go.  I would be at the airport early but no matter.  However, I have to get a taxi in about half an hour and pick some other people up along the way to the airport.  So I am ready (more or less) but have half an hour to spare.

I hate to be late but, in this case, I cannot be early.  I hate the thought of missing the plane (even if I don’t actually want to go) and so I am early and ready but am now twiddling my thumbs, so to speak.  The kettle is boiling for my last decent warm drink for some days to come.

The weather here has warmed up quite a lot.  Now we get highs of 15 or 16 degrees in the afternoon.  Where I’m going it will get to 3 degrees, if I am lucky and there might be some snow.  I am going, quite obviously, much further north.  Regular readers will know that I don’t like ‘cold’.  Hmph!  Already, I can’t wait to get back.

F is away also so I have had to make other arrangements for the dogs.  Not ideal but the best I can do.  F is back on Friday night so will stay with the dogs that night.  I am back the next day.  I miss him a lot but you have no idea how pleasant it is to be with someone who a) loves their job and b) works hard at it.  I really have no problem with it, even if I miss him like crazy when he is away.

The night before last, he received some gifts for his birthday (more than 2 months later).  Tickets to see Whitney Houston in Milan and a night at a range of hotels in Italy.  As he rightly pointed out, I get the benefit too.

One of the things with V was that V would say something but it would never actually transpire.  I’ve found that F does the same.  It’s not quite the same but annoying all the same.  So, the ‘we’re going to Tuscany at Easter’ has turned into him going to Tuscany the week before or something like that.  I mean, I don’t mind but I wish he hadn’t said that it was ‘we’ in the beginning.  It’s not that he doesn’t keep his word, exactly, it’s just that when the time actually comes, with all the logistics, things change, whereas, if I say something then, for me it is set.  Still, I’m learning and at least it is not as bad as V’s specials.

So now we have no specific plans for Easter.  It’s only the extra days’ holiday but I intend to take some extra days off and make it longer.  I’ve told him but I think I shall have to tell him again.  Maybe we can go to Mantova for a day or to the lakes to my friend’s mother’s house.  Maybe.  It’s all a bit unclear.  But I really want to spend some time with him away from our houses, away from Milan, in a way, to force us to spend more time together.  See, I’m still worried about the fact that we have nothing in common; that we have done nothing ‘together'; that we’re not building a ‘history’.

Still, there are times when it seems so ‘easy’.  He shows me affection (in his way) and I try not to touch him too much, not to annoy him.  But, for certain now, the discussion is ‘where we spend the night’ not ‘will we spend the night together’.  And it usually revolves around practical things like he wants to see the dogs or the other night when he was getting up early to go to Spain (and therefore it was better to be at his place).

And he still makes me laugh.  And I still adore him.  And I miss him.

The next few weeks are important (I think).  His last relationship lasted 6 months.  The guy saying ‘I love you’ very often until one morning, after the ‘I love you’s of the night before said that it was all over.  F didn’t understand.  So now he is less trustful but I try to show him that I am true and faithful and honest and stick to my word.  It’s all I can do but still, I feel, he doesn’t really ‘relax’ into it all.  And, of course, nor am I ‘relaxed’ into it all, as you may tell from my posts.

And now I have 15 minutes before I leave and so I leave you, for a few days whilst I go to a place that, for me, might as well be the North Pole!

I wonder what it will take?

Generally, I have a very positive outlook on life even when, sometimes, it is hard.

But on one thing, I guess, I am a doom-monger.  That is on the general, global economy – or certainly the way the the economy works now.

>This should be interesting reading and, whereas one shouldn’t believe everything (sometimes I think anything, given some of the recent journalistic “stories” put about by the media, them being, whilst not complete fabrication, certainly omitting important facts so as to slew the story in such a way as to make the point a complete fabrication – and I can give you examples if you would like) one reads or hears, there have been, over the last couple of years, enough of these type of stories, almost always buried and never refuted (or not that I’ve seen).

As I was reading this (and the comments below the story), our Engineering Manager came up to me and we talked a little.  He asked if I knew about PIGS.  I replied yes and that it was Portugal, Italy……at which point he stopped me and said that it wasn’t Italy but Ireland. Huh? I mean, there’s being faithful to one’s country and there’s bloody stupidity. He came to tell me it had been replaced by SWINE (Scotland, Wales, Ireland North and England). On that, given what I was reading, I could not add anything other than completely agree with him. I’m really not sure who’s in a worse position – us or them!

It seems that Buzz Lightyear’s (Burlusconi) boast about Italy being in a good position is really believed!  This on the day that there is a General Strike (for various reasons including the crisis) here in Italy.  After that we talked about housing and how the prices were still far too high.  At least he agreed with me on that one – sort of.  But still believing that his money was safer in housing than anything else!  Another colleague really doesn’t believe me when I try to explain that neither he nor I will be retiring at 65 or 67 or 68 or whatever fool age they’ve currently given as the retirement age.

Maybe I am wrong, of course.  I hope so, not that it is important to me one way or another, to be honest.  But still, I really can’t see how the hell this is going to work unless things change.

Sooner or later, the model has to be changed.  And it will cause great pain and hardship unless the people decide on something radical which they won’t because the people in power believe the crap that is coming from the bankers and the like.  No one can see a different way because they are too frightened of losing the power/wealth that they have. No one in power nor those without power.

I wonder what it will take?

Off the Boil

I am angry.  No, not just angry – absolutely furious.

OK, not now or, at least, not so bad but I was.  The thing is, I don’t really know why.  There was no obvious reason.  I woke up angry, was angry all day and went to bed angry.  To be honest, it felt like there was something wrong with me.  The worst was Saturday night/Sunday morning.  True, my ‘cold’ was dreadful or, at least, it sounded dreadful but it wasn’t that.  Or, it wasn’t only that.

On Sunday morning, as I took the dogs out, I was muttering to myself, asking myself why I was angry; amazed at how angry I felt inside.  I thought: ‘this is what it must be like to go insane’.  There was no sanity in the anger.  I realised that it had been around for several days and that some people had taken some of it by saying a wrong word or making a wrong gesture.

I thought perhaps it was the cold; or maybe because I was so tired; or maybe I was mentally insane.  I managed to keep it from F, thank goodness.

I write about it now because it has abated, if not entirely gone away.  I certainly feel ‘better’ even if the ‘cold’ is still with me; even if F is away all week in Germany; even if I do have to go to a Northern Country next week when I really don’t want to (and I have still to find a solution for the dogs); even if the weather has turned cold and wintry again; even if I am pissed off about certain things and towards certain people; even if ………….

But now I feel better.  And now (since I started writing this) I have booked the flights for next week and found out that my bank will offer me huge amounts of money in loans (has nothing changed in the last 18 months after all?) which I don’t want but may need if certain things occur (but the madness flowing through the world seems unstaunched) and so, suddenly, I seem happier.

And, the saga with my mobile phone continues.  Normally, in Italy, one expects to make two trips to sort anything out.  The first – you are armed with every sort of document that you may need and the second is for handing over the document that you never knew existed.  So far I have been to the TIM shop 6 times since the problem with the Direct Debit and the wish by TIM to charge me an extra €166 (for a €50 per month plan) started.  However, it may almost be sorted.  We may hope.

Still, the phone itself is great and the whole thing is much more pleasant than dealing with 3 who, to me, are magic only in their incompetence.