Tag Archives: Relationships

Whoops, sorry …………

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Yes, I know. I’ve been very remiss. I mean, it’s been almost 10 days since my last post.

There are a load of posts half-written but I just didn’t get the time to finish them off.

Best Mate came and went. We had a lovely time. Went to Venice one of the days and sat in the hot sunshine at a very nice restaurant in a little square at the back of the Duomo. F & I agree that Venice is, for us, the most romantic city in the world (that we know).

Best Mate left two days before the fun started with the volcano and the no-flights-to-almost-anywhere.

Unfortunately, the Paris colleague of F didn’t and learnt, on her way to the airport in a taxi that the flights to Paris were stopping. And, so, she’s been staying at F’s flat whilst F has been staying with me. She re-booked and re-booked and, eventually, this morning we got tickets for a train on Monday (the next available seats) and then she took today’s train – just like loads of other people, judging by the number of people sitting on cases (since all seating must be pre-booked here – at least for the decent services).

Obviously, F (and I when I wasn’t working) entertained her but she was so sweet. We had a good time. Last night we met up with L (another colleague of F’s) and her husband, L and another colleague, M and went out to Puro e Semplice where I had the best quail I have had in a long time. Not a cheap restaurant, done in the modern, simple, kinda rustic style but really excellent food. F had a cottaletta Milanese which I tried and was also fantastic. We had beer and that was wonderful too.

And I say it was really good in spite of eating out nearly all the time for, what seems, about 2 weeks and, to be honest, I am getting a bit fed up with it (words I thought I would never write!). Too much food, too much drink ……. too fat! Or, at least, that’s how I feel.

The upshot being that, even if I were rich or worked as a restaurant critic, the odd day with something really simple at home would be a must.

In other news, F has been taking the ‘babies’ (as he calls them) out quite often for walks now that they are clean and tidy.

OK so this will have to be short because I’ve just seen the time and we are off out (again) this evening with an ex-colleague who is over here from the UK for a couple of weeks, her husband and A, who has been (it would seem) abandoned by Fr who is in the south of Italy (and given that Milan airspace is closed, may be down there for a few extra days longer than expected).

Monday we were due to have an important meeting with customers from the USA but I guess that won’t happen now and so, Monday, maybe, I’ll get more chance to write up stuff.

Love me, love my dogs

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That’s how it goes.  Well, there’s only the one dog but in my case there are two.

However, it isn’t supposed to be the other way around! :-D

The picture a couple of posts below, taken last weekend, shows them with their ‘shaggy’ look.  It’s a good job that they don’t have smello-internet though.

The pictures below were taken at lunchtime today, just after they had been to the barber’s.  They are adorable.  F insisted that I take them to him after I had picked them up.  He’s suggesting that he might come and take them for a walk tonight ‘because I won’t see them otherwise’.  I shall be at the airport picking up Best Mate.

He did suggest that, maybe, he could take Dino to his house tonight but then realised that it would be a problem in the morning as he was going to London and the flight is early.  Still, there’s time.  I shall offer to pick him up in the morning if he would like.  We’ll see.

Of course, I’m not actually sure that I want him to take Dino to his house as that means I won’t be there.  Far better if I were to keep Dino with me and see how long he could keep up the ‘staying away’ bit.  But, of course, I won’t.  That’s my wicked streak only.

But he is talking about ‘we’ taking them to be washed and groomed every month.  I like the ‘we’.

Si, his friend from work (and probably my first customer in my new extra career as an English Teacher (again)) said that I was very lucky that F likes my dogs because ‘he doesn’t like all dogs, you know?’.  Yes, I know – and I know he loves mine – especially Dino.

Dino

Dino, looking good!

Rufus

and Rufus not looking over 14!!

And then he calls me to ask if we can meet their Press person as she loves dogs and wants to meet them.

And so, tonight, before going to pick up Best Mate I and my two crowd-pleasers will be going for an aperitivo where they will be admired and petted and loved and F will be there, showing them off to the world.  Perhaps I should have changed the title to ‘Love my dogs’ as I don’t seem to be getting a look-in!  Good job I’m not jealous of them :-D

Everyone’s just a little nervous

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F’s a bit nervous about meeting Best Mate.

Best Mate’s a bit nervous about meeting F.

I’m a bit nervous about them meeting each other.  It would be nice if they liked each other.  They’ll each say they like the other anyway.  Of course, I want approval from Best Mate for my choice and I want F to really like her.

But, already I am so very excited she’s coming.  And for so long.  I have booked the train for us (Best Mate and I) to go to Venice on Monday as she requested this. Maybe we’ll go to Pavia or somewhere on one of the other days.  F goes to London for the day on Friday and will be home late.  On Sunday he will be working (probably) as next week is the Salone (Furniture Fair) in Milan and, although not involved in furniture, there are so many wealthy clients that will be coming that everything has to be just-so.

So, also, Monday and Tuesday he will be busy.

Still, we have booked Baia Chia (see side) for Saturday night.  And, anyway, Best Mate and I don’t really need much to keep us entertained.

I just hope that they really like each other.

Five minutes away and yet ………

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“I’m going to stay at yours tonight because I will miss you so much”

That would have been nice.  Instead, the reason given was that “I won’t see the babies”!

“But you will”, I protest.

“Yes, I know but I won’t be there with them at night”

“But you can stay, you know?”, I reply.

“Yes but you have visitors and it will be difficult”

Of course, I’m not upset that he wants to be with the dogs.  It pleases me a lot that he likes them so much but, you know, it would have been nice if he had said that he would miss me too.  I’m not really complaining though, it just crossed my mind.

Italians are funny when it comes to hospitality and staying with other people.  We (people from the UK) are definitely more relaxed about it all.  He seems to worry that he can’t stay at mine whilst Best Mate is here.  I have explained it’s OK but to no avail.

I only wonder if I will miss him so much that one night I have to go and stay with him?  Of course, as the dogs will be clean and with short hair, they could come with me – but then I would leave Best Mate alone and, so, I probably won’t.  So, 5 nights without him and yet he will be just 5 minutes down the road.  Hmmmph!

And he makes me laugh a lot

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We have chatted about the dogs going to have their hair cut and made clean.  I have agreed but he wants me to come with him so that he doesn’t make any mistakes (i.e have them cut too short or something).  We agreed over the weekend that it would be done and he would make the appointment.

And then, by email, he sent me this:

Dino and Rufus

The picture, taken by him at the weekend of the boys on the balcony, seriously in need of a wash and hair cut – but it made me laugh out loud.

The Easter Bunny has left the building…….

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Well, of course, as you all, probably, expected, everything was fine.  No, that’s not quite right.  It was wonderful.

It was a delightful couple of days in Pallanza, in spite of one whole 24 hours of rain.  We played cards but it was so enjoyable.  B was there, with her friend S and the four of us had fun and relaxed.  I learnt some new card games, which was good since F really likes to play cards – and really likes to win, which I find very amusing.  I was struck, from time to time, how like V he could be but there are many things, also, that are different and that I really like.

He loves the dogs so much and I love him for that.

And, although he may not say it, he makes me feel loved.  And that is, after all, what counts.

As I suspected, he wasn’t that keen on going.  Or, at least, that’s the implication afterwards.  But he really likes B (which makes me very happy as I do too) and he liked S and liked that everyone liked playing cards (including the fact that the liked that I liked playing cards) and so, after a few hours, he relaxed and enjoyed it.  And now he is talking about going back there and spending some weekends there.  And as I truly love the place, for me it is great.  And now we have something in common :-D

I suppose, the most notable event, apart from me (almost, phew!) losing the keys that B had to lend me because I had forgotten the set at home (!), was the loss of the chocolate Easter Bunny.  Bought by Betta for us to enjoy on Easter Day, we left it in the lounge/bedroom that F & I used.  The plan was that, after the meal at Osteria Dell’Angolo, we would go back, have a game of cards or two and eat the chocolate egg.

The dogs were out of the bedroom when we got back, in spite of the closed door and greeted us a little too enthusiastically.  The reason became clear.  The wrapping on the floor and one tiny bow were the only things that remained of the chocolate bunny.  I knew it was Dino since Rufus would never have done that.  Of course, it being Dino, everyone forgave him almost immediately and everyone was worried as to whether he would be OK, so it stopped me being really angry with him.

But, for me, the real highlight was the fact that F & I seemed to be closer than ever before.  And, therefore, Easter was fantastic.

We got back last night and, later, went for a pizza. He said – ‘Imagine how it would have been if I didn’t like dogs’ and, yes, it does make a huge difference that he likes them so much.

First Time

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It will be our first time away.  That is, away – together.< More importantly, it will be the first time that we shall actually spend 24 hours together or maybe 48 or maybe a little more. Best Mate said, last night, that I worry too much.  This is true, of course.  Will we be able to stand each other for all that time together?  Will he still love me tomorrow?

We are going to Pallanza on Lake Maggiore.  We shall be with a friend of mine, B and a friend of hers over from Canada – but we shall be together for the whole time.  Perhaps even Saturday morning through to Monday evening!  Normally we have quite a number of hours apart – in our respective homes; shopping; doing odd jobs, etc.  We’ve never spent this amount of time together – and we won’t have any other distractions.  Hmmm.

OK, but the thing is that I don’t need any other distractions, I will have him. I worry that he does need other distractions though. Anyway, I won’t be here for a couple/few days from Saturday morning, so in case I don’t get the chance to say before, have a very Happy Easter.

3 dreams

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Note: This post should have been before the one below and gives some background to the one below.

He phoned about 6.  I asked where he was.  At home.  His home, I asked?  Yes.  To be honest, I was very excited.  Excited about seeing him and being with him again.  I didn’t want to let him go.

But, as is normal for any situation, the anticipation was far better than the actual event.  It wasn’t a disaster merely a little disappointing; a bit of a let down.  We didn’t argue, exactly, but it was, probably, the closest we’ve come to it.  Later, we tried to book the flights for the wedding at the end of July.  Easyjet have stopped the cheap flights to Bristol, it would seem, making it all much more difficult (and expensive).

So, that was a bit of a let down too – because, in the end we didn’t book anything and the internet connection wasn’t working well.

We go to bed and watch a bit of TV.  I rest my head on his chest as his arm is around me.  Eventually (about midnight) we go to sleep.

The problem started (or continued) about 3 a.m.  I woke up.  I woke up because I had had dreams.  Three to be precise.  Then I decided I needed to go to the bathroom.  When I came back I just couldn’t get back to sleep – the dreams haunting me and also the need to have something to drink which, I was hoping, would not be a barrier to me getting back to sleep.

But it was.

Or the dreams were.

Or whatever.

Since it’s been some time since I’ve had ‘bad’ dreams, I thought I would try and tell you now.  But now is too late since I have already forgotten all but one.  Here goes anyway:

Dream 1 was about V.  It was a bad dream but, since I don’t actually remember what happened, I don’t know why.  Given that we’ve been having a sort of text discussion recently where he has been his usual self, I guess that’s the reason for the dream.

Dream 2 was much more memorable or real.  I got an email or a letter from some insurance company telling me that they had paid the hostage money but that there was an excess to pay of €34,000 which they had charged to my credit card.  As this was a dream, we’ll ignore the fact that this would be impossible since the impossible can happen in dreams.  I wasn’t worried (in the dream) as a) the hostages were nothing to do with me and b) how were they going to charge my credit card?

The next thing to happen (in my dream) was that the credit card statement came and, indeed, showed that over €34,000 had been charged.  I was, of course, outraged.  F was there and so was another friend who was a woman and a cross between N and L.  Certainly they were American.

They were on the phone to the card company to try and sort it out but the card company were saying they had valid authorisation and I realised I was stuck between some sort of scam and, being in Italy, the intransigence of Italian bureaucracy – this would take years and I couldn’t just say ‘oh fuck it’ and go back to the UK ‘cos F was there and I wanted to stay.

Dream 3 I can’t remember at all but it was just as bad.

Anyway, after lying there for a bit, being all fidgety and waking F up several times, I decided that the ‘wanting a drink’ thing wasn’t going anywhere and that I should get a drink.  So I get up and get one and sit at the computer and potter about having several cigarettes and feeling bad because the dreams were bad and had put me in a bad mood and because F was sharing my bed it meant that I couldn’t possibly go back there because I would keep waking him up with my restlessness.

However, about 4.40 I realised I could only get another hours worth of sleep and so I went back anyway.  And, you know how it is, once you know you only have one hour left and therefore you try so hard to get to sleep, you find it more impossible to sleep and so, apart from an occasional doze, I stayed awake until the alarm went off.

And at one point, after 4.40, I turned and rested my hand on F’s side and after a few seconds he brushed it away saying that he couldn’t sleep if I touched him and I thought that, sometimes, this is a bit one-sided and I didn’t like that much either.  And so all-in-all a rough evening/night – and I don’t even know why!

Sometimes I get confused

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There’s another post that I had part-written that should precede this but, then, that’s the way the blog goes.

Last night I was tired (see next post, probably) but I went round to his place anyway.  He was watching a TV spectacular on Mina.

Actually, on that note, I must say how amusing I find it with some Italians when they mention some famous singer here and when you say you’ve never heard of them they can’t quite believe it!  They seem to think that, if some person has had numerous hits in Italy, then the whole world should know.  In the case of Mina, the first time F mentioned her and I said I’d never heard of her he was aghast.

‘But’, he said, ‘she was mentioned by [insert internationally famous singer here] and [insert another internationally famous singer here] said she was the best singer in the world’.

It’s difficult to explain that, if they are really, really lucky, they might have had one hit in the UK or USA, if they only sing in Italian.  Anyway, it was Mina’s birthday a day or so ago and hence the TV spectacular.

His TV is in the bedroom so I went and lay on the bed with him.  He seemed so pleased to see me, kissing me and hugging me.  Later, when I got into bed (and he did too) he cuddled me and kissed my back. Not that we can do that the other way around.  And, anyway, he was still watching the special.

I went to sleep, no dreams and only waking once for a short time.  Today he called me as he was booking the flights for the wedding.  He likes to ‘take charge’.

I thought he was just doing this wedding thing to keep me happy but he seemed really happy about it.  And we get to go to the UK.  I thought he wasn’t so keen on the whole thing and certainly not when it was going to be for almost a week but then, suddenly and without notice, he surprises me by actually booking the flights!

I guess I should be happy and I am but there is this thing that I’m never quite sure if he feels the same way; if we really are together.  Like last night when he seemed so very pleased to see me and, yet, if I were to make the move first he would say ‘Not now’ or ‘I’m too hot’ or something to make me stop.

Yes, sometimes I get confused.

And this is why I write here.

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See, this is why I don’t say anything.  Why I keep my mouth shut but pour out my stupid and illogical thoughts here rather than actually speak them.

F returns today.  He has phoned me at least three times per day and sent numerous texts.  It’s not like he doesn’t miss me, I guess.

I texted him once.  My thinking goes that he will be busy/with family/with friends.  Of course, my real thinking is that he won’t want to talk to me or will have ‘forgotten’ about me.  I missed two calls and called him some minutes later.  And, on both occasions he had to call me back.

Of course, the reasons that I didn’t go with him are possibly many and varied.  First there is the dogs – what to do with them?  Then there is the fact that he hasn’t seen his parents in six months and, to go down with a new ‘friend’ (since they don’t know he’s gay), would have been, shall we say, difficult.  So, maybe he wanted to lay the foundations for the next time, introducing my name.  Maybe it was because he would have had to ‘look after me’ and, after 6 months away, it would all be too hard.  Maybe his parents live in a very small flat and there wouldn’t have been the room without making it all very awkward (since he hadn’t told them he was coming and it was a surprise – the surprise being much greater had I been there too).

And all these reasons are logical and reasonable and I am being too selfish and unreasonable.

And, so, I will say nothing.  At least, nothing directly.  I would prefer if he just told me the real reason why, of course.  But it hasn’t even been six months yet and I should stop expecting it to be like we had been together 6 years!

At least, all these thoughts I keep to myself so that I don’t appear a spoilt, selfish little brat.

And this is why I write here.