Daily Archives: 11 November, 2009

…..it’s just too effing hard! (Tu sei un bastardo!)

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“But why aren’t you speaking Italian?”, he asks.  “Have you forgotten last night?”

“Oh no”, I wail, using my pathetic, feel-sorry-for-me voice, “but it’s too difficult on the phone”.

“No it isn’t” he states, adding “it’s easier.  So, are you going to do it or not?”

Of course, he is speaking in almost perfect English.  I want to say ‘but it isn’t fair’, but I don’t.  I can’t tell if he is slightly angry or frustrated with it or it’s just put on but I don’t want to take the risk.  I want him to come round tonight.  I miss him.  I want him badly enough that I say, albeit reluctantly and with a heavy voice, just in case he hasn’t got the message, “Va bene”.

Then we start the conversation again.  “How has your day been?” he asks.  He’s wrong, it really is difficult for reasons I will explain in a moment – and, so, he gets a one word answer “Male”.

“Why?” he asks.  I burst into laughter.  “Bastardo” I say through the laughter.  As I say it I realise it should have been “Tu sei un bastardo” but it’s not important, he knows what he’s doing and he knows that he is!

“I clienti” I add.  And then he says something in Italian that I didn’t catch.  He says he will phone me later.  I say OK.  I love that Italians use English words, thank goodness!

But it is difficult.  I have to really concentrate to speak Italian and there are too many distractions here.  Plus, there is no way that I want my colleagues to know I speak Italian.  I lose my advantage that way, even if some of them do know this (Pietro!) and I need all the advantage I can get!

But now, it seems, he wants me to speak Italian all the time?  I have to have some breaks from it…….it’s just too effing hard!

Speaking, of course, is a different thing; I feel quite stupid when I talk

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Speaking_of_course_is_a_different_thing_I_feel_quite_stupid_when_I_talk

We were on the phone for a while.  I rang because I needed some help which he was great about.  Then we talked about Ig and him.  And he was saying that he has very strong feeling for Ig and doesn’t want him to go but that he wants his freedom ‘cos he feels that he needs that more now.  I told him to be careful because he could lose Ig on the way and why doesn’t he try it first…..he can always split if it didn’t work out.

And then he was saying that, although they talk a lot and have the same sort of ideas, they have nothing in common and I reminded him that neither did we when we first got together but then we had lots of things in common by the end – the things in common happen because you either like to do the same things or you compromise and do the same things anyway, even if you don’t particularly like them or they do nothing for you.

I told him not to worry about that.

But then it got me to thinking (and I’ve already told him that he shouldn’t do too much thinking about it, lest he becomes Italian), we, that is F & I, don’t seem to have so much in common – and then I started to worry about that and worry about the fact that, maybe, there is nothing there other than the physical side and continue to thinking about how it would be in 6 months or a year when we run out of things to say……

And that’s exactly why I gave him the advice I did and why I must take the same advice.

And then I went round last night and all that worry disappeared for I was so glad to see him and hold him and kiss him again and just be with him.  And I knew that I was right in what I had said to V. These things in common become the things you have in common as you do things together.  And I knew it to be true.

For various reasons, he had not eaten at lunchtime and so he was hungry.  Anyway it was our meseversary (lol)!

And so we went to the Sardinian restaurant (Baia Chia on Via Bazzini), again.  This is because he goes there often, they know him, and he really likes the food and service.  And, I have to be honest, so do I and, in particular, their Mirto (after dinner liqueur) which is so much nicer than the stuff you can buy in the shops.

The waitress, who loved S (his ex) seems also quite taken with me.  She said that she likes that I ‘speak sweetly’ to him.  I chose an starter but she suggested something else.  I accepted her choice.  It was lovely.  We drank wine, we talked about Christmas about his work about us about many things.  The conversation was good.  He told me that I must speak Italian to him.  I am scared of this.  I cannot express myself very well in Italian since the words I know are limited in number.  My grammar is crap (but I’m not worried about that because I can learn that as we go along) – but it’s the lack of words that is the problem.

I talked about the first time we met and how I didn’t think anything would happen.

We drank the mirto at the end (they put the bottle on the table – something that would never happen in the UK (and, I guess, the USA) and we had several glasses.  F went to pay.  He gets a big discount.  A few moments after he came back, the waitress came up with a bottle of Mirto for me to take as a present.  They would not take payment for it.

They love him, of course.  What’s not to love?  And, after the comment about me talking sweetly to him, we discussed the fact that people must be able to ‘see’ how we feel about each other.

We walked home (well, to his home) and, after a couple of cigarettes, went to bed and I know that it is ‘right’ and good and that he is the man for me.

This morning, I am walking home and it is just about 6 a.m. so no metro or buses.  I am so happy in spite of the cold and that feeling remains even now.

This morning I changed the writing language on my mobile phone to that of Italian and so, now, I write messages in Italian.  It’s a start, I know.  Speaking, of course, is a different thing; I feel quite stupid when I talk.