Daily Archives: 26 November, 2009

Misunderstanding or Shit-Stirring, that is the question.

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It has been simmering for ages now.  Finally, this morning, I had an email from a friend (we’ll say, F1) which was slightly strange.  Basically, it asked if it was OK to tell this friend of mine (we’ll say F2) to go f%&k themselves.  I’m not really sure why I was asked but I said that F1 should do as they wished.

Within an hour or so F2 was in chat with me and said that they had spoken to F1 who asked about whether F2 had read my blog.  F2 asked why and what did it say.  I said it said nothing that I could remember (which is true since I forget a lot of what I have written).  F2 asked if I had mentioned F and I explained that I had almost every day (which Best Mate has also pointed out) for the last month and a half or so.  F2 then asked if I had ever mentioned them.  To which I replied yes and that I had talked about restaurants, eating at F2’s place, etc. etc.

Then, via Facebook, I get an email from F3.  F3 wanted to explain that they were not a miserable secretive person, in spite of what F2 may have said.  And that they had not invited F2 (nor anyone else) to their new flat because they were treating it as a haven from everyone and no one was being invited.  I replied that F3 should not worry about what F2 said and that I liked F3 (and F2) as they were.

And, so, I put up a new page on the left …… About this blog……

I have always said that I write this blog for me.  It does get very personal but, unless you actually know the people in real life (and only a handful do know each other) you could never say who individuals are much less have enough details to know them well or be able to pick out who they are from the snippets I write.

But, this sudden panicking by F1, F2 and F3 to tell me stuff or ask me stuff is slightly worrying.  I mean why?  And why now?

Of course, there is a single thing linking them.  F2!  I’m wondering if it’s some kind of shit-stirring.  I hope not as these things nearly always back-fire and would, certainly, in this case, if it continues.  Alternatively, it could be all a misunderstanding on mine or someone else’s part.

The Moment

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We were outside for a cigarette.  R asked me, again, how it was going with F.  I said it was going very well and that he makes me very happy and that my feelings for him are growing stronger and that when I’m not with him I miss him a lot.  I added that we were still going slowly because that is what F wanted.

‘But you see each other every day!’, he exclaimed.  I grinned and affirmed this and said that I didn’t push but, mostly, most nights, we were together.  Unless he was away, of course.

R said that this was what F had been looking for for the last five years and I told him that I had been looking for it too.

Then, when we were back at the table, he and Al, his partner, started to give F a bit of a hard time about how he hadn’t declared to the world that I was his boyfriend, etc.  F did the pursing of the lips, the ‘Paddington Bear’ stare and stuff but he wasn’t really annoyed.

They spoke a lot more in English.  It’s for me, I know, to make me feel included as part of their friendship with F.  They seem to want it to work out between us.  I guess I have the ‘seal of approval’, which is nice.

And, later, I could tell that their words had had some effect.  He was more loving, even, than normal.  I said that I felt very lucky to have found him.  He hugged me and kissed me harder.  I think we are a little bit closer to ‘The Moment’.  I don’t need it to be, to be honest, but it would be nice.  But I’m not looking for it.  It is better that The Moment comes when he is ready, for then I will know for certain.

He kissed me and said nothing, since nothing needed to be said.

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“You’re in love”, she said, although with the element of surprise it was, almost, a question.

I couldn’t see his face since he was sitting next to me.  Although, looking at his profile, I could almost see the look in his eyes, the pursed mouth; the withering look he gave her that said that she shouldn’t have asked it.

‘You are, I can see, you’re in love’.  OK, so this was more of a statement.

She looked over at me.  I felt it necessary to help him out; to answer for him.  Some seconds had passed.  He hadn’t denied it.  If he had wanted to deny it then it would have been immediate.  My heart jumped a little at this understated, undeclared but obvious ‘truth’.  Yes, he was in love, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

‘No, he’s not’ I replied, smiling as I did so.  He added ‘We’re taking it slowly’.  It’s a slow, slow road to the admission, that’s for sure.  But I know the truth and so did she.  And so does he.

The only nights we are apart, now, are those that are inevitable or occasionally, when we feel it necessary in order to keep up the pretence of keeping it ‘slow’.  No, maybe that’s unfair.  I do understand that it’s difficult for him.  I think he would like it to be slow but it just ain’t really happening that way.

And, afterwards, I told him that I liked the fact that he hadn’t answered straight away.  And he kissed me and said nothing, since nothing needed to be said.