Daily Archives: 20 November, 2009

For V

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People ask how it feels to live the kind of life others dream about
I tell them everybody gotta face their highs and their lows
And in my life there’s a love I put aside
‘Cos I was busy loving something else
So for every little thing you hold on to
You’ve got to let something else go

How I wish I, wish I’d done a little bit more
Now shoulda woulda coulda means I’m out of time
‘Cos shoulda woulda coulda can’t change your mind
And I wonder, wonder, wonder what I’m gonna do
Shoulda woulda coulda are the last words of a fool

I hope he does the right thing, if he can and it’s not too late.

Anyway a great song by a great singer for everyone to enjoy.

Who’s the thief?

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My cleaner, one time, asked if he could take some biscuits. To be honest, these were in a cupboard that he never needs to go in. It’s never really bothered me that cleaners would look in places they shouldn’t but……the request made me a little uneasy. However, of course, I said ‘yes’.

I had some apples in the basket on the kitchen table. There were four. The night before last, I went to get one and noticed that there were only three. Last night, I had one of the two that were left.

I thought, the night before last (the cleaner comes that day and I was here when he left), that I must speak to him about it. And, then again, it’s not such a big deal, is it.

And so, tonight, I thought, I just fancy the last apple. I was making a cup of tea at the time. I turned to the table and the basket was empty (and, also, slightly moved).

Ordinarily, of course, one would have suspected the cleaner, coming in for food but it’s a long way out of his way just to come for an apple.

I have a thief and I know who it is. So now, in the kitchen, at least, I shall have to ensure that there is nothing out that is within reach of ………… Dino, of course!

I can’t wait until tomorrow afternoon

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Overall, it’s not been too bad.  I didn’t get paranoid apart from the other night, when he didn’t text back quickly enough.  Oh, yes, and then after Monday night when I got drunk and phoned him so late.

And then there’s today.  And today I start to worry about how it will be when we meet at the airport.  I mean, after a week apart, will I really feel that something again?  And this is after this morning, when I had woken before the alarm and started to think of us, in bed, and sex and all that and how good that made me feel and seeing him and holding him and being with him and being turned on by only the thoughts of him.

So there!  It’s just being stupid.  Although not helped by the fact that I’ve had no message this morning.  Normally one of us texts in the morning and the other replies and then we have several text exchanges during the day.  Today, so far, there have been no texts from him, which is strange.  So I texted and went for the receipt on delivery thing you can do.  No receipt.  This means he has no phone (forgotten) or it has no battery or something else.

Of course, the “something else” worries me.  I am a worrier, it seems; no, it’s not ‘seem’, I know I am.

And, tomorrow, I shall make Shepherd’s/Cottage Pie (one of his favourites) and, maybe Nan’s Trifle or Treacle Tart and then take them with me when I pick him up, so we can have that Saturday night or, if he doesn’t want that ‘cos he’s too tired, Sunday.

We spoke last night as I’m walking back from A’s house where I had been for a drink.  He asked if we were going to FfI’s house on Saturday night.  I said no and that I had told everyone that he would be tired and that, anyway, we hadn’t seen each other for a week and that we wouldn’t be going anywhere.  He was pleased with that and said so.  I remember how it is when you’ve been away.  And then there’s the adjustments that you (have to) make when you’re back together – although we haven’t been together long enough for there to be a real problem with that – that comes later with time I think.

So, there’s me worrying about how I will feel when we are together again………and then, seconds later thinking about how I want to hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and stroke his feet and caress his back and run my hand over his head like I do and play with his ears and kiss those too to turn him on and look at him………..and?

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A friend said to me that V wasn’t very nice (to the friend).  I feigned not knowing and not understanding.  But I knew.  And V was like that sometimes.  It made my life more difficult.  I don’t know what to say/didn’t know what to say.  I said that I still loved him and that you can’t just let 20 years go and that V was a little strange sometimes.  I had to stop the friend bad-mouthing V.

It was true but I don’t want to hear someone else making out he was not perfect.  I can do that but can’t hear it from someone else.  Strange, I thought.  What does it mean?

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I look at his picture on the screen.  I look into his eyes.  I love that face.

I can’t wait until tomorrow afternoon.