Daily Archives: 14 December, 2009

In case of what? I’ve no idea!

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I find her on Facebook.  There is a strange fascination that makes me look.  It’s not an obsession, just an interest.  I mean by that, I don’t go looking for her every day or anything.  To be honest, I wasn’t looking for her when I found her but, having found her, I wanted to know more……

But there’s nothing really there.  You can view her friends (and I’m assuming she’s still with Ruth (her profile says she’s in a relationship but not who it is with (but, then, nor does mine)) and that’s about it.  Her friends include my two nephews (that I’ve never seen) and my two brothers who I haven’t seen for more than 20 years.  There, that’s it.

I have a weird satisfaction in knowing that she is there (and not because she is physically on this planet but that, being physically on this planet, I know how to find her and I can view her profile) and that I can see her but that it’s unlikely she can see me, as if I’m viewing her from behind net curtains; peeping into her life like some voyeur even if, in reality, I know nothing of her life and nor will I, really, from this glimpse.

I showed F her photo.  ‘She looks like you’, he said.  She doesn’t but he didn’t know that was the wrong thing to say.  Or, perhaps she does and everyone else has been giving me crap over the years?

Really, I was looking for the few (and that would be very few) friends that left school at the same time as I did or my friends from then, some of whom left school earlier than I did.  They’re not there, in the same way that I’m not there, possibly.  I don’t want ‘anyone’ to contact me and expect me to ‘Friend’ them just in case I didn’t really like them or something like that..

And on Saturday, we talked about ‘de-Friending’.  FfI said that she had never been ‘de-Friended’.  I then explained about G, who had ‘de-Friended’ me, prat that he is.  She then realised that she had, in fact, been ‘de-Friended’ by someone who’s wife/girlfriend wanted him to take his profile off Facebook or, at least, stop being friends with ex-girlfriends.

F and I have each others passwords for Facebook.  It’s really for Farmville, rather than Facebook.  There is a slight urge in me to ‘look around’ but I don’t.  It’s only a slight urge.  When we’re together, neither of us hides anything anyway, including chats with friends.  I don’t know if S, F’s ex, is on there but I don’t think so.  Not that it matters anyway.  I don’t have a problem with that at all.  Which is just as well, seeing as he’ll be back here in January.  I ask the occasional question – about his return, about what he’ll be doing, etc. but it’s only mild curiosity.  My concern is that it has some effect on us – in that his flat won’t be ready and I expect him not to stay at mine every night…….but, maybe, that will be good?  Perhaps?

I kind of hate Facebook.  I suppose that I would really be a ‘sleeping’ Facebook user, were it not for Farmville, which is starting to annoy the hell out of me.  In fact, some of my friends do seem to be ‘sleeping’ Facebook users and I can’t blame them.  I’m not one of those who ‘posts’ something every five minutes.  That would bore me too.

But I know this sort of thing wouldn’t bore her in the same way.  So, I keep a check, every now and again.  Just to see what is happening.  Just in case.  Although, in case of what, I’ve no idea!

Food; Alarm or Not; I get the keys to the flat!

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The phone makes its beeping sound.  ‘Go on, baby, get up’, he says.  I get up, thinking how much I hate this getting up at this time in his place knowing I’ve got that 20-minute walk back home to take the boys out.  For some reason, getting up in my flat doesn’t seem so bad!

I put my clothes in the lounge so that I wouldn’t wake him too much.  I start getting dressed and, for some reason, look at my phone.  Why hasn’t the phone shown the snooze option, I wonder?  I look at the time.  It’s 5.30.  The beeping was for an email that came through.  But 5.30 means only a quarter of an hour until the alarm anyway, and I’m half dressed and, so, by the time I got back to bed there would only be 10 minutes and, therefore, I wouldn’t sleep anyway.  And it would annoy him if I went back.  And it means I can take the dogs out on the full walk, rather than the short walk that I do when I stay at his place.  Still, I am annoyed with myself for not setting the phone to silent as I usually do, for this very reason.

So, in spite of the fact that I really want to go back and sleep, I continue to dress.

I go back and kiss him goodbye.  ‘Ciao, baby’ he calls, as I go down the stairs and make my way home.

I had just checked with him before I got out of the bed that he had a good night.  He had.  He asked if I had too.  I had.  We (well, at least, I) had only woken up once that night, when he turned over to me and cuddled me.  But I noticed that my pillow had ‘moved’ over to his side during the night.  It makes me feel ‘needy’ and I don’t really want that.  When you’re asleep you can’t really control what you do.  We had agreed that we would not sleep so close because we both get so hot and that may have been the reason for not sleeping well the night before.  Either we were both waking up or one of us was waking and, therefore, waking the other.  We thought it may be the heat.  The flat was very hot on Saturday as the heating had been on all day and he hadn’t been feeling so well and didn’t go out all day.

Last night he cooked me a meal.  A huge meal.  Gnocchi with salmon in a cream sauce, fish with roast potatoes and some chocolate mouse.  It was really wonderful but made us feel so full, even if we did eat early (for Italians), eating at around 8.  I wondered, as we were lying in bed, watching The Sound of Music on the telly, and complaining about how full we felt, if he had done it in response to the Facebook chat he had had with FfI.

On Saturday morning, FfI had been rather persistent about us coming for dinner that evening.  F wasn’t sure as he was feeling bad.  But we agreed to say ‘yes’ and he would decide later.  I assumed he would come.  He didn’t.  FfI obviously decided that I had lost weight.  And it’s true, I have.  But not because I am eating less or drinking less.  In fact, I am probably eating more and certainly having more beer, these days, which should be making my weight increase.  However, the three or four trips to his place and back, usually walking, every week, mean that I am losing weight.  And, nicely, it’s going from my waistline, which is good.

She said, on the chat, ‘We need to make sure Andy is eating enough”.  He didn’t say anything.  We were together and I’m surprised FfI didn’t realise that.  But maybe that was why, that evening, yesterday evening, he decided to do such a big meal.

And to go to the dinner on Saturday night, I took the keys to his flat, at his insistence.  And, that’s when I learnt he has another set.  However, the keys are back with him now.  I wonder what will happen with the new flat?