“It’s a balance”, he explains, holding his hands out, palms up, as if weighing something. “When one of you is stronger, the other is weaker”; the hands are not level now but one is higher than the other.

He’s talking to someone about their relationship.

“It’s like me and Andy”, he adds. “Andy is always…..” and, at this point he breaks off, pawing at the girl next to him, “…….and so, probably, it makes me seem cold”. “If Andy stopped”, he added, “maybe I would be different”.

“I don’t tell him that I love him”. I confirm this is true although adding that “you did say it to me twice” – not that I’m counting or anything.

He likes to do stories, though, to explain things. It’s kinda like Jesus and his parables. So he starts talking about his Aunt who was more like a grandmother to him and how he loved her (and so did his Mum) but they used to get annoyed with her sometimes for she seemed quite crazy (example – she wanted him to go to bed because it was school in the morning; he suggested that, if he went to bed ready to go to school (i.e. fully dressed), he could save time and get up later and and therefore could stay up later! She agreed!!!! So, at least on one occasion, he went to bed with the clothes on for school – this was obviously before he became the obsessive bathroom type) and was annoying but how, when she died, both he and his Mum wished they had let her do what she wanted. His point being that, even for the things that might seem to annoy us, we miss them when they’re not there any more.

And my only question – why doesn’t he take some of his own advice? Hmmph!

Of course, I could, were I to play this game, be a little bit colder myself; not always available; showing no affection, etc. Except, really, why bother? Why bother with all that crap?

And I know why he doesn’t take his own advice – because it makes him, in his view, weaker than me. But, you know, I don’t think that’s right. I don’t feel weaker than him just because I show more affection. Nor do I feel really ‘needy’. For me it’s simple. I love him; I want to be with him; I want to touch him and hold him. He makes me feel good. It’s OK for me to feel like that. If I’m not with him it doesn’t make the love go away. If I’m with him and can’t touch him it doesn’t mean I don’t want him any more.

But, if I get the chance to all of these things then I am very happy. for me, it’s a strength that I can still feel these things even if he stays cool. And, anyway, there are things that he does that tells me how much he loves me.

I want to tell him just to let himself go ……… it’s OK, I will be there to catch him.

In the meantime, here is this song, which I do like. In fact, I like most of the stuff the the Black Eyed Peas do.