Daily Archives: 4 May, 2010

An Innocent Abroad

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It must be just me. Is this true? Is everything I’m told just complete bullshit? Or, if not bullshit, exactly, then not less than exaggeration?

For over 20 years I’ve lived a double life. There was, until more recently, the truth between V & I whereas, the stuff V said ‘in public’ was ‘exaggerated’. Then, more recently, there was the complete bullshit!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. When I am with friends or acquaintances, I can do the “you look lovely!”; I can feign interest in their work, love lives, health, etc. Everyone does that, right? And, unless they know me really, really well, they are unable to detect the real ‘you look lovely’ from the slightly less than true ‘you look lovely’.

V’s sister, for example, could tell, more or less. To most people the difference is undetectable (unless that’s because they choose not to detect it). But it’s not a bad thing on my part, is it?

When it comes to my life, though, I can only really tell the truth. OK, well, that’s not always true, as such. I mean, sometimes, even if things have been a little shitty, I put on a brave face and say that everything’s good. Work, life, health, etc. People don’t really want to hear how ill you are, for example. Very close friends are different, of course. Best Mate always gets the truth.

But, in general, I don’t exaggerate. I would rather say nothing than tell a real lie. If, for example, someone asks me about work, I would say ‘it’s OK’ rather than go through the problems with management or issues with the job, not that there are those problems – at least, not more than normal and at least, not right now.

With V of course, some of the crap he came out with whilst we were together, I lived with and, to some extent, could go along with.

But, with F, I still have to learn. So, he tells all his Italian friends that we met in a pub. I can go along with that. He will never tell his parents. I can go along with that too. It’s OK. As long as too many questions aren’t asked of me, it will be fine.

The other day, though, was strange. We were outside a café with B, his colleague from Paris.

“Tell her how we met”, he says to me.

Puzzled and a little uncomfortable, I reply that we met in a bar. After all, that’s what he tells everyone he knows.

“But”, he continues, “you use the chat”, he states, waiting for confirmation from me. I reply in the affirmative, not really understanding where this is going.

“It’s OK”, he laughs, “she knows the truth”.

So, what was that? A test? A joke?

Still, on Sunday, when I asked about the place in Puglia, I was shocked to get the reply that he hadn’t actually booked it but just checked the availability! Anyway, it might be Umbria, apparently.

I will get used to it. I have, after all, lived with it for so long. But I still don’t understand why people (and, especially him) say these things when they’re not true.

I have ‘warned’ him before that in spite of anything he may say to anyone else, he should always tell me the truth. I hope he heard that.

Didn’t she almost have it all?

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When one has potential it always seems such a shame when the potential doesn’t materialise. Worse still, when it’s your own fault.

I’ve seen her before at, what I would say, was the peak of her career but actually near the beginning. For me the first two albums were the best and it was steadily downhill from there.

When I saw her I hated the fact that she acted like a diva. It seemed that 10 minutes of song were followed by 20 minutes of nothing – whilst she went off to get changed into yet another frock, whilst we were entertained (or, rather bored to tears) by some dancers or some music. She annoyed the hell out of me because we had tickets to see her and I wanted to hear her sing not see what pretty dresses she had in her wardrobe.

But, there was no doubt, the voice was tremendous, the songs superb (I just wanted there to be more of them).

But it was with some trepidation that I went last night to the Milan Forum at Assago to see her on her ‘come back’ tour.

I’d read some reviews (particularly those of Birmingham in the UK and some in Australia) and watched some clips on YouTube from the recent tour. Ah well, I thought, perhaps now that she’s been doing the tour for a while and got rid of the ‘bugs’, it will be a lot better.

But I wasn’t really too hopeful.

The first couple of songs were from the new album. I don’t know them. OK, so her voice didn’t seem perfect but it was OK, as far as I could tell. Then a couple more.

The voice cracked in places. The same sort of ‘crack’ that happens when a boy’s voice is changing. Then she seemed to beg. Begging to be liked is never a good thing and this is what it seemed like. During the whole thing references were made to the fact that she was only human, that she hoped that her voice would be OK. She said something about there being a cold draught from one side of the stage and that, as any Diva would tell you (which made me almost laugh out loud – her? A Diva??), was a difficult thing – comparing herself to Aretha Frankly and Dione Warwick! WTF?

Then she went off. We were ‘treated’ to her brother making some dreadful attempt to sing one of her songs. I hardly recognised it. There was some boring dancing. We waited.

She reappeared in some sparkling, golden, diva-style dress with a fur coat over the top (to stop the draught, I suppose). She looked old and fat – but fat because she was bloated not fat that comes to us all with age. She looked tired. She sweated a lot (and I mean A LOT).

And then she sang some songs. It was as if the almost acceptable woman had gone backstage and changed outfit but also changed into a different person. It was absolutely dreadful.

It sounded more like a really poor Ertha Kitt – at least Ertha could hold a tune!

OK so, the most well known song wasn’t as bad as the ones I had seen on YouTube but, still, the range has gone and the voice did crack in one place.

It was like watching a train wreck happening in slow motion. At one point, as she went to sit on a high chair, it seemed as if she was going to topple over backwards! She seemed older and, to be honest, it seemed as if she had had several lines of coke whilst she had been backstage.

There were occasional flashes of what she was. Some parts of some songs, filled with the emotional power she became famous for; held in tune.

But this was sad. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see her collapse on stage and to be told later that she had died. It was like everyone was there to see her very last performance.

The crowd went wild at many parts. But this was not because she was good. This was because of what she had been and the fact that they were fans. I am not a real fan. I could hear how dreadful it was. Quite a number of people started leaving before the end – maybe they had other reasons to leave.

I shook my head as I watched her; I squirmed inside for the sight of a once-great singer singing out-of tune; I felt sorry for her and for what she should have been but, now, would never be, even if she did ‘clean herself up’.

Towards the end was this one below – but by then it was apparent that she couldn’t sing any more. I prefer to remember her as she was. This song was the one that used to get me excited about going out – going out to a club and dancing – curbing my natural shyness.

Whitney Houston could have been great by now. Not, perhaps, in the same way as Barbara Streisand but great, nonetheless. Instead, it would have been better for her not to have performed. If I had paid the €180 it cost to sit in the first few rows, I would have been more than disappointed.

But it was sad to see and hear. And, in spite of the cheering and ovation, I wonder how many of these people would go back to see her again?

Such a shame. This song of hers seems to sum it up.

Update: Of course, within a couple of years she was dead and so, I saw her twice. I prefer to remember the first time.