It’s been difficult – and I wasn’t expecting it.
As I explained previously, I found that, during the transfer of this blog, some rather strange characters had appeared and the photographs for certain posts no longer appeared. So, I decided to fix them. This meant going through all the posts from the beginning (and that’s nearly 800 posts now)!
I have learnt a number of things:
1. I write a lot of crap.
2. Most posts are not nearly as interesting as I must have thought they were at the time.
3. I don’t always remember what I am talking about. There again, some of them brought back some memories of events or situations.
4. I know that V and I split at the end of November, almost two years ago and, yet, it took me almost a month to write anything about it.
And, I found, surprisingly, that reading through some of the posts from December onwards brought back the memories. Rather than ‘brought them back’, it would be better to say ‘made me re-live’. This was not so good. They weren’t bitter memories just sad; sad memories for what should have been and wasn’t, for a future that I thought was, more or less, secure and, in fact, was like wet tissue paper – falling apart in my hands. Even for the two years previously, there were some posts that hinted at what was to happen but the actual events, the actual posts, my fears, shock, despair – they are all tangible to me in the posts I wrote.
In a strange way, I am grateful to have them, to be able to read them. I am also grateful that it didn’t seem to last too long as I am now up to the point where I have selected the-perfect-flat-on-the-perfect-street and I can see, through the writing, that I have come through the worst of it and I know it gets better after that (well apart from the crazy few weeks).
So, sorry not to be posting but I will be back soon, I promise!