Monthly Archives: May 2010

Dentists, Doctors, Vets – hmmph! And more information about the dogs than you probably needed to know!

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I wonder if it is because I am older and, therefore, more cynical? Or is it because I have much more experience? Or is it because they are crap now? Or have they always been crap and I’m just finding out?

I know, before you tell me. That’s an unfair thing to say. After all, they’re only human too! Nobody can be perfect. And, it’s not really that I blame them, they are, after all, “general purpose” and something/someone like that can never be really perfect or know everything, can they?

Still, I find it annoying when they don’t listen. I’ve had my own problems; done my own research. I’m no expert either but it’s all kinda logical.

I had a lot of problems with my teeth. Sure, I could have cleaned them better in the past but the cleaning was not really the problem. No, the problem was that I ground my teeth…..a lot. And the grinding and clenching was for about 20 years. The pressure that caused meant that my teeth broke and meant that the ‘bite’ was not good and meant more pressure which led to severe gingivitis.

So, Dino has always had a problem with his teeth. When he was a puppy, his bottom set of milk teeth, especially the canines, went inside the top set of teeth, which is, of course, all wrong. When his second set came they were better but still not perfect.

As a result, on one side, he has what looks like severe gingivitis. But, really it’s just where one of the canines goes up into his gum, having spread the two teeth above, apart. It doesn’t seem to hurt him, he has no problem with grip or eating. I check it from time to time to make sure it’s not getting worse, of course. Eventually, probably, he will have to lose a couple of teeth but right now it’s fine.

The vet, looking at his teeth decided, quite wrongly, that the teeth needed cleaning. So he was telling me about this special cream for gingivitis and how I can clean them with a toothbrush and had a look again and then said ‘they’re not so bad, though’. Doh! Really? During the conversation, he ignored all my comments about why the teeth were like this and, anyway, one can see that the bottom canine is the wrong alignment and is ‘hitting’ the gum, thereby forcing it back!

And then there was Rufus. Rufus is over 14 now. He’s like an old gentleman. And, as with humans, as one gets older, lumps and bumps and warts and other things appear on your skin. This is normal. Of course, these days, they’re called “tumours” (and when, exactly did that happen?). It could be benign. Rufus has many of these “tumours”, which I told him (and then couldn’t find any, of course).

The problem with this lump is that it got damaged and now Dino, licker extraordinaire, will not leave it alone – which is just making it look so much worse. Anyway, he’s taken some samples for testing and I have to apply a cream, twice a day, for a week. Then we go back next week to see how it is.

He also asked me about the food I feed Rufus. I had to explain about the fact that I have to be careful these days. Rufus’ stomach doesn’t take so well to all food. We have a mix of Pedigree Chum with some cheap stuff from Carrefour (all dried). The Pedigree Chum binds him too much and he finds it difficult to go to the toilet – the cheap stuff loosens it all so that it’s more or less fine. He realised that I knew what I was doing. He did suggest something else but I explained that I had to be careful changing the food for Rufus – otherwise he got the runs. He understood. But, if I hadn’t been so obviously knowledgeable about my dogs dietary needs I know he would have been telling me to go for something else (and, obviously, something much more expensive!).

At the end of all this, I am a responsible dog owner and I know my dogs. And I know what they need. And, sometimes, I know, better than the vet, what is ‘wrong’ and if it’s something to worry about or not. The tumour thing I asked about only because, unless I make it better, Dino will continue to lick it and continue to make it seem bad, which it is not.

Oh yes, and he also told me that Rufus had some arthritis (which I know and which is obvious) and that his liver was a bit larger than normal. Yes he is drinking more; yes, I know that it’s going to happen but it’s nowhere near as bad as the last year with Ben – so everything is OK right now. Let’s face it, Rufus is very old and will die sooner or later. As it is he is doing really well and, whilst he’s not in pain and still has a good quality of life then it’s OK.

As the vet (the one in the UK a few years ago) said to me about Ben – I will know when the time has come!

The games of a relationship – part one – jealousy

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Relationships are bloody difficult, for everyone, it seems.

A, on a ‘break’ from Fr, and I went to this cocktail thing last night. The wine was good. The food was good. It was ‘finger food’, A’s new craze right now. He’s doing us Sunday lunch this weekend – which will be finger food.

Fr phoned him several times. He was annoyed.

“She shouldn’t be phoning me because we have agreed to meet at 9.15″, he moans to me. He doesn’t answer her calls.

As we’re walking away from the cocktail do to his car, he tries to phone her.

“She’s switched off her phone”, he moans further.

I ask where they were going to go. He says just ‘for a walking’ near to her place. I suggest that he goes to her flat anyway – the risk being that she doesn’t answer the door. I also suggest that he doesn’t say he was in the swimming-pool all the time as, if he gets to see her, she will smell the alcohol on his breath. I suggest, instead, that he blames me (as, anyway, she blames me for his drinking too much).

I tell him that he should stop playing games with her. Her phoning and he not answering. Then him phoning and she not having her phone on. He, of course, denies playing games, as, probably, would she. But, the reality is that, as in any other relationship, he (and her, probably) is playing a game. We all do it to a greater or lesser degree.

I don’t know whether he went round or not. I will email him now.

And then, this morning, S, my colleague, was upset. Upset because of her husband who she had seen, sitting at a café with other people. One of these people was a woman who, some time in the past, he may have had an affair with – perhaps – maybe. And she rang him and so they had a fight. So she wanted advice (but, as is normal, didn’t really want advice at all but to be told that what she planned was the right thing). She’s going to change her route because then she doesn’t see it – but, of course, that doesn’t mean it goes away. Her husband, of course, denies everything. She then spoke about, maybe, she should start going out with her friends. It’s more game. I suggested that she didn’t as going out with her friends meant that she would be doing it to try and make her husband jealous and if it didn’t work, then where would she be?

And so, interrupted by colleagues, she has been telling me the story over the last ‘x’ years. And why it all happened and asking what I thought. And I feel sorry for her as I do for A and I wish I could make it better for them but I can’t. But I did try to explain to her that I, too, have these feelings of jealousy – it’s just that I know what they are and I force myself to act in a proper way and not give in to them.

My example was this week. F texted me to say that he was going out with a friend. Of course, my immediate reaction is – who, what, why, where????? And what relationship do you have with them? Or have had with them?

I do none of that. I know that for what it is. And I prefer that he feels free enough to tell me this much. Later, on the phone, he said that he did not stay with them and went out for dinner on his own. It was complicated and he will explain it to me after; later; apparently.

And that’s OK. Maybe I will mention it or maybe not. In any event I have to explain the other night so that he knows I am not angry with him. Maybe it will come out then. Maybe I should explain that I have the feelings but don’t act on them. Maybe. Perhaps. Or not, of course.

A asked me when will we move in together. I said not now. Not yet. Maybe never. He didn’t understand. I said I would wait for F to decide. He thinks I’m crazy and that I should push. I know that I should not. When or if it is right, it will happen. F complains that his flat is too small. It will come – in time. There is time (or, at least, one has to hope for time). And, anyway, if there is no time, then there is little to be done about that.

In the meantime, I am, again, like a rabbit in car headlights. The fear of everything is causing me to freeze; to do nothing and, therefore, making everything far worse. However, today I did some stuff. And some stuff is better than the ‘nothing’ I had been doing until now.

At least, now, finally, the weather is more like summer. High twenties already and set to get higher with almost clear blue skies.

Even if my life is not perfect, I love it still. F returns tonight and I shall pick him up – he asks if the ‘babies’ will be there too. I say maybe. And, as he flies into Terminal 2, which is smaller, maybe I will take them. I know that Dino would love it. And so would F. And, as long as F and my dogs are happy, then that is all that matters.

And, whilst I may play some sort of game with our relationship, it’s not the one of A nor S nor their respective partners and I will not let the jealousy thing become the thing that controls me and takes me over. Each time it happens I will make it stop in my head.

It’s too nice a day to have problems like that.

Two sides

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It’s raining – that sort of misty, damp rain. Not real rain at all. But you would get wet all the same. A half-hour plane ride from a place we sat out in the garden in the warm sun.

I am here, sheltering from the rain because I had to have a cigarette and in this god-forsaken country there is no smoking in the airport. A little like the UK or, for that matter, Italy.

I decide to have another one. It will be another 3 hours before I’m back in Italy and able to smoke.

But that’s not the point of this post.

The point of this post is the way people are. Why is it that in one situation they say one thing and in another they say almost the opposite. Luckily, as they say in Italy, I know my chickens.

Let’s be honest. The guy I am with is fantastic in front of customers. He has the ‘gift of the gab’. He can tell amusing anecdotes; he keeps the customer entertained; he can explain a technical thing in a way that even I can understand but, above all, he says the things that the customer wants to hear and the truth – but only when actually in front of them!

At work, when something is questioned or proposed he blusters and pouts and screams that it will never be possible. In front of the customer everything is fine – there is always a solution. Quite often the two sides of him differ so much that something that, internally, was impossible or would cause problem x becomes easy or will certainly not cause problem x.

And so, as a result of an internal meeting, I wrote a letter that said we could do something but that these would be the problems and we thought it wouldn’t work. As I suspected (which is why I took him with me and is one of the reasons I’m good at my job) all the problems became ‘not problems’ and the wouldn’t work things suddenly would be fine.

However, it can be a little frustrating as I can’t have the customer here, in front of him all the time.

Ah, well, such is life.

And I got home last night about 11.30 p.m. and went to bed about midnight. And then, even though I was so very tired could not sleep until about 2 a.m. The dogs kindly woke me about 6 a.m. and now I just want sleeeeeeeeeeeep!

I have a shower

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There is little time. Even for this post. Everything is catching up on me and, soon, things will start to fall off the table. It’s my normal state.

However, it doesn’t help that I am having to go away to a customer and F is already away in Spain this week. OK, so it’s only one night – but two, very long days. And there’s the dogs (and no F to look after them). Even he asked why it seemed that, every time he was in Spain, I had to go somewhere for work too! And he’d be right.

In addition, I have no hot water (still) and have had none since about last Wednesday night – so almost a week. Luckily F only lives five minutes away but, still ………..

And so, with everything to do last night (as I am going away today), the last thing I actually needed was to be traipsing over to F’s house to take a shower. And, just in case you’re wondering, yes, I do have a key and no, it’s not mine – it’s his and I am only borrowing it whilst he’s away. I come back about midnight on Wednesday and he comes back in the early evening of Friday.

And I have to explain to him that, sometimes, I just can’t not touch him and, so, sometimes I do things to make it difficult for me which he could misinterpret.

Anyway, last night, I combined the going to his place with taking the dogs out, so it wasn’t too bad. Dino got very excited when he knew where we were going but after a quick search of the flat realised that F wasn’t there after all!

He lay down at the bathroom door. I had a shower.

Two “I can’t tell you”s in one post – only one of which is a secret!

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I shouldn’t have had those two kit-kats – but, then, I didn’t know he’d phone with that offer.

“I’ve been invited out for dinner with a friend”, he says.

“OK”, I reply. I mean, what am I supposed to say?

“Would you like to come?”, he asks. Well, sure but it was all a little strange, for reasons that I cannot explain; I don’t have the words to explain why it was strange and not because I cannot tell you because it is a secret or anything.

“Well, yes, sure. If I won’t be in the way”.

It turns out it is with Sa, a work colleague. And this was the invitation that had been promised to me some time ago. This is his (probably) favourite restaurant in Milan. Or, maybe, second favourite.

We walk from my house. It’s about 10 minutes. Sa, I have met before. She is lovely (even if she is German :-) ). She loves dogs – so that has to be good.

Al Grissino is not a restaurant, from the outside, that one would immediately associate with the good and great of Milan. An unprepossessing entrance in a street that, although surrounded by streets with the houses of Milan, is not that great. Not right in the centre of Milan either, it’s not one that you would ‘find’ as you were walking by – simply because it’s unlikely you would be walking by in the first place!

Inside it’s OK but nothing really special. No, here one goes for the food. And one pays the price for this food. I actually don’t know if there is meat on the menu. We dispensed with the menus. We decided on four antipastos. Three chosen by F & S and one chosen by the waiter. I preferred the one chosen by the waiter which was some clams with zucchini (courgettes). Each of the four, served one after another, were individually served on three plates. The wine was a jug of house wine with strawberries and raspberries thrown in!

Main course was some fish (again decided by the waiter) – the only stipulation being that it had carciofi (globe artichoke). Italians really like this stuff. For me it’s OK but, probably not having been brought up on it, it is not something I go crazy for.

The fish was cooked to perfection and was so nice. It was served with a few roast potatoes. The presentation of the main course was very nice.

For sweet, F had zabaione, Sa had tiramisù and I had meringue (more like ice-cream and meringue tart slices) with hot chocolate sauce – mine was the best, the chocolate sauce rich and thick – but all were damned good.

After sweet they served us some really nice amaretti biscuits with tiny choc bars – yes, as in ice-cream choc bars which I never seen before. They were wrapped wonderfully in that it was a complete surprise when you bit into them (even if they were, obviously, cold to touch).

Fantastic meal. It is a little expensive though, so not somewhere to go if you’re on a budget. It cost around €180 for the three of us.

Lovely though. It will be nice to go there from time to time, for certain. And, for reasons that I can’t explain (because it is a secret) we didn’t have to pay. My favourite way of dining :-)

The Real Power

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I don’t think people really understand at all. Life is full of compromises.

You can only live with the person you live with (or, not exactly live with, in my case) by means of compromise. Friendships are full of compromise. Families are full of compromises. Working is full of compromises. Politics is full of compromises.

And so, the Tories and the LibDems have made an agreement which, given the fact that they differ in many areas, is full of compromises – compromises by both of them. Of course, it won’t make Tory supporters happy and it won’t make LibDem supporters happy. Labour supporters will also be unhappy. Everyone will be unhappy.

However, given that even the change proposed (but only after a referendum) to the voting system won’t give true PR, there will still be, more or less, a first-past-the-post system and that will favour the two big parties.

As a result of everyone being unhappy, it seems likely that the LibDems will be hammered at the next election, which is a shame. And, so, Britain will remain a two-party nation. Far right and slightly right (unless Labour go back to their old ways). The banks will remain ever-powerful, the system will stagger onwards, creaking and groaning and, occasionally, splitting at the seams until, eventually, there is nothing else but for it to completely break down.

Not that a LibDem government would have really made a huge change since a huge change is too frightening to contemplate.

And, don’t for a moment think that there’ll be any rush to roll back many of the things that Labour put in place. Don’t think that you’ll be getting back your freedoms. The new government will be ‘taking it’s time’ and will, no doubt, leave most things in place – especially those things that give it more control over the population. After all, that’s the real power.

Puppies, Eyes, Flats

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It was kind of nice, even if I know it means nothing in itself. It doesn’t really help with the confusing signals.

We met up in the shop. He’d forgotten his mobile so I didn’t bring the shoes back because I wasn’t sure I should. He waited in the shop hoping that I would come (but unable to let me know, obviously). We did the shoe thing.

On our way out, he took some photos of his window. He asked if I understood it. His messages are subtle when he does the window and it had taken me a moment – but I got it before he asked and told him so.

We decided to walk through the park. It was very overcast but much, much warmer – and humid. Still, the park seemed almost deserted and it was nice to walk through with him. He chatted with several people on the phone having missed many calls and messages during the day.

He spoke to M (one of his favourite colleagues). He talked about going for an aperitivo with her. He told her that, maybe, his diet would start tomorrow. I laughed.

We got to my street (which is very long) and he suggested we stop off at Polpetta for a beer.

He had got, through the post, the book he had ordered which had not come in time for my birthday.

“It can be our seven-meseversary present”, smiling as he says it.

It’s a book about Bearded Collies. He has already looked through it.

“Turn the page”, he says, repeating this until I get to the page with the ‘right’ pictures.

“There!”, he shouts, stabbing his finger on the picture. “Che carino”, his voice dropping and softening as one does when talking to a baby.

The picture is of a Beardie puppy.

“We can get one”, he says, excitedly.

“Three are too many”, I reply, knowing it to be true.

“Si but when Rufus goes”, he says. I laugh.

We have two beers each and move seats half way through, into the corner and not next to the loud group. He can see the estate agents window. He starts talking about the prices of flats for sale. We talk about the size of my flat; the size of his; that, if I bought mine he would change it this way and that – enlarge the bathroom (his favourite room) by taking some of the kitchen; enlarge the kitchen by getting rid of the corridor; enlarge the lounge by taking some of the bedroom.

He’s back to looking at the window of the estate agents.

He starts to calculate the repayments on a mortgage.

“We would have to have one more room”, he says. He’s talking about us buying a place together. And he continues to talk about it – how big it would have to be, etc.

It’s sweet but not real. Unless what he has said before is not real. And, here, we go back to a previous post. What exactly is the bullshit part – talking to me or talking to friends. R&Al nearly always ask when we are moving in together (well, actually, R, really). F always responds that we won’t. I go along with this and, actually, right now it would be very difficult. Or, rather, less comfortable for both of us. In fact, I do understand his reaction to R. After all it’s every time we see them. And F is a very private person (God knows what he would think about this blog) and so, I can see that he says it so that, sooner or later, R will stop.

But this all just makes me confused. I wonder if he means it but dismiss that. With this relationship I try hard not to build up any hopes, for fear they are dashed and I am left wondering what happened.

But the whole time we are at the bar – the talk about ‘after Rufus’, the ideal flat for us, etc. – it does give me some hope for the future. But it’s hard enough doing the holiday thing right now. Anything else is just too much for my head to get round.

We shall see.

Oh, yes. Whilst we were talking about the dogs earlier and the possibility of getting another puppy, he said he wanted on with the same colour eyes – sort of pale blue/grey/green. I said that this was not so usual. He said that the eyes were what made him fall in love with Dino.

Then I thought, yes and it was my eyes that made you fall for me. After all, as I’ve always said, my eyes are my best feature and he is a sucker for blue eyes.

PR – The only way to go.

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For what it’s worth, the LibDems would be mad to go with either the Conservatives or Labour. Neither of them would do any favours for the LibDems – and if they think that either of them would permit any form of proportional representation – and, thereby, lose the chances they have for staying in power, they are really stupid.

Sooner or later, the UK will wake up to the fact that the current system disenfranchises so many voters and it will change. But not yet.

What the LibDems should do is try to educate the voters so that they get enough votes which are translated into real seats to be able to push through PR. And hope that the voters aren’t scared by the other two parties, like they usually are. Only then will the change happen.

There. My opinion. For what it’s worth.

I cook passata

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Well, at least I didn’t let the tomatoes go to waste – like I did last time.

I thought it would be nice. And I cooked it from scratch rather than buying it in a bottle. It was all supposed to go like this ……. I cook the passata (the tomato sauce that goes with bolognese sauce for those of you from the UK (‘cos there isn’t actually a thing called Spaghetti Bolognese here)); I was going to buy some sausages to go with it; I would have cooked and served tagliatelle with some of the sauce and then served the sausages with more sauce and a salad – a nice Sunday lunch/dinner.

Ah well. He informs me that, after a week of eating meat and drinking lots of beer in Germany, he’s on a diet! And the diet – bananas and milk!!!! WTF????

He doesn’t even like milk!

But I cook it anyway. I told him when we were out walking the dogs. He said we could have it tomorrow. Bless him.